Thursday, December 31, 2009


Father Time can’t get his ragged butt out of dodge quick enough for me. I am so excited at the prospect of a new year that I am ready, willing, and wanting Baby New Year to get here quick to challenge me with whatever he has in his bag of tricks.

2009 almost got the best of me but I’m still standing on faith, still believing in the power of prayer, and still trusting in God to see me through.

I heeded the wisdoms that were shared with me this past year. Subsequently I took a number of risks, sometimes jumping without thought, or fear, into the unknown. I learned many lessons. I realized that there were doors that closed so that others could be opened. Something I thought I wanted eluded me and I’ve come to realize that it was truly a blessing in disguise. I broke some rules, made some mistakes, claimed some successes, and through it all stayed true to myself.

2010 will usher in a wealth of hope and potential. I’ll be reviving life into my Stallion boys, writing like my life depends on it and spinning myself into as many new adventures as I can muster. I will continue to try and live a good and honorable life, enjoying every minute that is given to me. I am letting go of the past and moving forward. And it is all good.

To family, friends, and those just passing by, may you each have a safe, happy, and blessed New Year!

Monday, December 28, 2009


Tabitha and Ben hit a brick wall in their relationship. I know brick walls. I have hit a few of them myself. But Tabitha says she’s crashed so hard this time that it will be a miracle if she’s able to recover at all.

She and Ben are going into year four of their relationship. Tabitha is afraid that they may have come to the end of the journey together. The first year they hit your typical new relationship stuff, navigating unpacked baggage from their pasts. Those small humps just required some tactful maneuvering.

The second year, Tabitha hit brick when Ben told her he liked her a lot but he didn’t know if he was really in love with her. Tabitha hit brick but the duo managed to bounce back from the impact. Ben was optimistic about her and him and he wanted them to work through whatever was keeping him from giving her his whole heart.

Year three, however, has turned out to be a whole other beast. Tabitha did something stupid and stupid has cost her Ben’s trust.

“I wasn’t trying to be devious,” Tabitha insists, telling me about the telephone call from another man that she wasn’t totally forthcoming about with Ben. “He wasn’t someone I was interested in, nor do he and I go out of our way to communicate. I just didn’t want it to be an issue between me and my guy when it didn’t have to be. I would never betray Ben's love that way!”

But it became an issue, one Ben took to his heart, the ugly of it like an elephant between them that just won’t leave the room.

Last week Ben told her he wasn’t ready for their relationship to move forward. Ben told her he was still trying to figure out if Tabitha truly loved him or if he was just a pawn in some game she was playing.

Tabitha was heartbroken, unable to fathom how Ben could not know her heart. She cannot understand how Ben doesn’t know just how much she loves him, even if she did do something stupid. She cannot begin to comprehend how Ben would think that she would purposely try to hurt him.

Brick walls hurt like hell. Especially when they come crashing down on top of you. I know. I’m still trying to dig out from beneath my own.

Friday, December 25, 2009


The turkey is in the oven. Most of the presents are wrapped and here on the east coast Christmas Day is officially here. I am cuddled close to my favorite guy, feeling safe and secure and immensely loved. The only things missing are that dang Christmas tree and enough snow to cover the ground and make it a white holiday.

Being safe, secure and immensely loved has done wonders for my previous "bah humbug" mood. Santa done good this year and I have much to be thankful for.

Merry Christmas and I wish you all a very safe and blessed holiday!

Monday, December 21, 2009


Christmas is right at our doors and I am more ready for it to come and be gone, than I am for it to come at all. Shortly after Thanksgiving I was excited at the prospect of the holiday. That excitement got kicked to the curb and is in need of some serious resuscitation. I’m thinking though that it can’t be revived in such a short period of time.

Like most little girls l I loved Christmas. But what was most exciting for me was when our Christmas tree went up. Decorating it was always quite an event in our home. There’d be music and popcorn and cookies baking and everyone would be happy with laughter.

Christmas trees have always fascinated me. I love the lights and the ornaments and the sheer beauty of taking something so magnificently beautiful and transforming it into something even more extraordinary. Back in the day we went from a live tree to an artificial one but it worked. As an adult, when doing Christmas for my children I always had a live tree. It became tradition for us to go pick out our tree and each year we purchased one special ornament to add to the elaborate collection of ornaments that I had amassed over the years. Back then my kids were happy with laughter.

One of my most favorite Christmas tree memories happened when I was a senior in high school. The boyfriend of the moment was home from college. I was working part-time at a local department store and had drawn the short straw, having to work on Christmas Eve. The rest of the family had disappeared South and weren’t expected to return before the New Year. For some reason, boyfriend of the moment missed his signal to pick me up from work and there I was walking home alone with two toaster ovens and a bag of assorted gifts. About a mile into my journey an elderly couple pulled over and offered me a ride. Doing the unthinkable I accepted since those toaster ovens were starting to seriously wear me down. Arriving safely home, the boyfriend was waiting in my driveway, having not a clue where I had been.

Frustration and anger were the emotions of the moment and then I lit that Christmas tree. As the lights flickered on, happy suddenly pushed every other emotion right out the door. The boyfriend and I turned on the stereo and sat curled together on the carpet beneath that tree. We made a dream list of what we wanted for our future and everything felt like it was falling into a perfect place. We were happy with laughter as we drifted off to sleep, that tree twinkling above our heads.

Sadly, I haven’t had a tree for almost four years. I thought this year might be different. I was thinking that this year I’d finally have a tree again. But this year isn’t shaping up to be a tree year at all. But maybe what I need most is just to go get me a tree and remember what it is to be happy with laughter.

Sunday, December 20, 2009



I have been lost in the middle of a story that I haven't been able to manipulate the way I needed to. Then I got it. I saw the words string themselves together and it was a pretty moment. Then just like that I lost it. Noise and clutter got all up in my way. Struggling to get them back I politely excused myself from family and friends to clear my head and regroup.

And just like that the words came back as neatly as before. But before I could get them onto paper, noise came clammering back again. The noise is so intrusive that I can't even see straight so putting pretty words onto paper doesn't even stand a chance.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009


I sometimes feel like the fabric of being black in a world where such is not the favorite flavor cripples our ability to see things with an otherwise open mind and eye.

Publishers Weekly took a mountain of flack this week for its current cover. The image, (Pickin’, 1999) by photographer Lauren Kelley is a powerful depiction of a black woman whose crowning glory is a giant sculptural Afro hair-do comprised of hair picks with plastic handles molded into black power fists.

This particular photograph was taken from the book , Posing Beauty: African American Images from the 1890s to the Present by Deborah Willis, who also curated the accompanying art exhibition, Posing Beauty in African American Culture which will travel nationally beginning Spring 2010. All of the images in the exhibition, including Pickin,’ "challenge idealized forms of beauty in art by examining their portrayal and exploring a variety of attitudes about race, class, gender, popular culture and politics as seen through the aesthetics of representation."

The Publisher’s Weekly senior news editor, Calvin Reid didn’t anticipate the flack he’s gotten for his selection. Folk’s just didn’t get the quirky, tongue-in-cheek appeal intended as a pun to highlight a story that “picked” new black titles of interest in the publishing industry. Instead, the photograph was seen as a disparaging and degrading image of a black woman that many were offended by. Few saw it for the work of art that the artist intended for it to be. There was no thought to there being a parallel between the power in black hair and the power of black authors and their writings, or the sheer power of being black when such is not the favorite flavor.

The negative responses were so abundant that Mr. Reid has since issued a statement and apology wherein he acknowledges those critics who didn’t approve of his selection, noting his regret for offending anyone since such was not his intent. The man chose that particular image simple because he loved it.

Sadly, the cover image has gotten more notice than the accompanying article did and when one considers that black authors and their writings are being demarginalized to the point of becoming obsolete, you’d think we’d want to focus and comment more on Felicia Pride’s feature on black authors and black books in today’s market place, than on the accompanying cover art.

PS – Both the book and exhibit are incredible. The images are unique and thought-provoking. If you have an opportunity, see the show or head to the nearest bookstore or library to enjoy the book.

Sunday, December 13, 2009


The past two weeks have been one hell of an uphill climb. And Lord knows, I surely didn’t look as good as he does doing it!

Natural disaster, insurance claims, miscommunications with loved ones, dreaded deadlines, and the fragile thread between sanity and a full blown breakdown have had me behind some big ass boulders trying to push my way to the top. I’ve still got some distance to go but I can see clear sky ahead and that’s a good thing.

Now if I can only move these last few rocks blocking my path I may very well enjoy the upcoming holiday and be ready to rock in a New Year.


It’s a law of nature. You cannot have more than one queen in a hive. A multiple-queen colony is dependent on those queens being able to exist in a harmonious manner. Harmony being the key. As I tried to explain to my boy Derrick, it doesn’t even work with bees so the chances of it working with women is slim and nil. Without that harmony those queens don’t do anything but wreck havoc in an otherwise peaceful home.

Derrick has too many queens in his beehive. Ex-wives, new girlfriends and family each trying to take care of his needs. Ex-wives, new girlfriends and family each trying to sit on top of King Derrick’s throne. Derrick’s queens are battling for space; closet space, parking space, kitchen space, Derrick space. But boyfriend can’t seem to grasp why any of his women would have a problem. Derrick doesn’t understand the law of nature that says there can only be one Queen and only one Queen can rule.

Thursday, December 03, 2009


Okay, so my very special friend got a new toy at Best Buy’s Black Friday sale. The man walked away with three GPS systems and has been testing them out all weekend. Yesterday, he’d determined which one had the features that most suited his needs and he sent the others back to the store. I was about ready for him to return every one of them.

The man has been like a five-year old with a Christmas truck. His face lights up every time he discovers the something new his thing can do. I’ve been shaking my head, ignoring his excited outbursts after Monday’s midnight ride to the mall to see which one rerouted us and which one didn’t.

Tonight, as we said goodnight, preparing to go to sleep, he tapped his toy and plugged in some new setting. It was too much to ignore so I had to ask.

“Please, tell me where you need directions to in your sleep?”

As his thing chirped and flashed, he grinned, setting it gently on the nightstand. Then with a smug chuckle, he said, “Destination Deborah!”

So maybe his toy's not so bad after all.

Sunday, November 29, 2009


I hope everyone had a safe and joyous holiday. I skipped my usual holiday greeting this week. There was much I was busting to write but I had to put it on hold so that I wouldn’t give any secrets away. I’d been holding on to a boatload of secrets for the past few weeks.

This entire weekend has been about family. His, mine, and ours. Thanksgiving Day my special friend and I spent the entire day together. The time was spent in self reflection, us reflection and just the sheer enjoyment of enjoying time together. We then spent the evening dining with my family in my mother’s home. Family then kicked in big time.

Secrets spilled out on Friday evening when we celebrated my mother’s 70th birthday with a surprise birthday party. Family and friends came from all over to honor a woman who has been an exceptional part of this family. Her oldest sister who is well in her 80’s traveled from South Carolina. Her youngest sibling came from Washington for the celebration.

Women who grew up in my family home, who I’ve shared some 30-plus years of friendship came from Connecticut to wish their “other” mother a happy, happy. The theme was Motown and you know it had to be a good time when cousins and kin adorned themselves with feather boas and lip-synched to the Supremes. (I caught a major cramp trying to keep up with my sister’s choreography and the whole thing was just too, too funny)!

Early Saturday morning my guy and I traveled to Richmond, Virginia to spend time with his family. Kin had traveled from the North and the South, meeting in the middle and completely taking over a local hotel. Laughter and tears flowed with ease and family reunited, reconnected, and reflected on the many blessings they’d been afforded. Bouncing from hotel room to hotel room took on new meaning as family partied from floor to floor sharing their lives and history with one another.

Each of my holiday celebrations was a time of thanksgiving. I witnessed moments of healing and forgiveness, of generosity and understanding and an abundance of love that could not be denied. I was reminded of those things that matter most: family and the abundance of their love. I was blessed to be in the presence of my old family and my new family who opened their arms and their hearts. I have much to be thankful for.

Saturday, November 14, 2009


She told him she wished she didn’t love him so much. She really believes that if she didn’t love him as much as she does then when things aren’t well between them and it hurts as much as it sometimes does, that she wouldn’t care. He told her to pray to God to take that love out of her heart and God would. As she told me I had to think about that for a moment.

Will God take love out of your heart? Would you want him to?

I can’t imagine that my God, who has blessed me with the ability to open my heart to another individual, would willfully wipe that from my spirit. I can’t begin to fathom myself or anyone else thinking they should or could ask God to do such a thing.

Falling in love is such a monumental feat. Opening up one’s self to that kind of vulnerability is not an easy thing to do. I also think that when one person truly captures your heart, then you’ve been given an amazing gift.

Making a commitment to another person is not only about them but also about yourself. Love is seeing someone for who they are, the good and the bad. It’s about looking that person in the eye and seeing the best of yourself looking back at you. Love is acceptance, understanding, patience, friendship, endurance, and all that is right in us as individuals and right in this world. And even in those moments when it hurts and we might wish it way, is that truly what we want?

Would we really pray love away?

Tuesday, November 03, 2009


Four years ago today my oldest son passed away. You never ever get over that kind of loss. What you do is pick yourself up, try to keep moving, and in time, you hopefully learn a new kind of normal.

I can’t help but wonder what life would be like if my child was still here with us today. I wonder about the impact he would have had on his own children. How he would have handled his father and I divorcing? Would he still be supportive of my choices? Would his little brother ignore his swift kicks the way baby boy ignores mine?

I miss my favorite son. I miss him calling to ask if I would cook his favorite meal the way only I knew how to do. I miss hearing the sound of his voice and that laugh that always made me laugh with him. I wonder what he would have thought about the economy and our President and how the New England Patriots have been performing.

I am sometimes amazed at just how much you can miss somebody. I would never have imagined it to be so consuming.

I’ve written about my son here before. I am still devastated by how quickly he was taken from us. I am still inspired by the memory of him. The lessons he taught continue to encourage me. I’d give anything to have him still here with us.

For the last four years I’ve had to learn a new kind of normal, but truth be told, I can’t find a damn thing normal about it.

THIRD ON THE 3rd - November 3, 2009

Due to the idiosyncrasies of being fifteen-years old and easily distracted, Third on the 3rd will return in December. Maybe. And then again, maybe not. It will depend on whether or not we can get over our idiosyncrasies. It will also depend on whether or not I can be re-convinced that we are both dedicated, responsible and committed to delivering on our promises.

Friday, October 30, 2009


I am buying my grandmother’s home to keep it in the family. With her mounting nursing home expenses she can no longer afford the maintenance and taxes and between trying to qualify her for Medicaid and satisfying the nursing home's asset requirements, selling it is the only logical answer. Since I’m still living in it, it was the most reasonable option that I buy it to take some of the pressure off of my old people.

I have always loved older homes. This one is no exception. My father has done much upgrading over the past few years including a new roof and new vinyl siding. It has a wonderful front porch, great yard space and sits on a relatively nice, dead-end street, just minutes from Duke University. The interior however is a whole other beast.

Over the years I have attempted to convince my grandmother to change things around, paint and redecorate but she wasn’t having it. The walls in every room are wood paneling. The carpet needs to be pulled up and thrown away. I’m praying there are real hardwood floors beneath that 1950’s tri-colored shag. However, I won’t know until I can get the mess and clutter cleared out.

My grandmother never threw anything away and she horded the damndest things. I have found mail addressed to her late sisters and those women have been dead for decades now. The pantry was most challenging. Forty-six boxes of macaroni didn’t begin to touch the food stuffs she had stored away. Canned tomatoes and toilet tissue were also high on her list. For the life of me I don’t understand why everything she possessed needed to be tied up into a plastic garbage bag and stored in the drawers and closets. Three bags and nineteen tubes of Fix-A-Dent and I was too through!

Some of the furniture dates back to the 18th century and most of it is broken and no longer viable. But it amazes me that those women were able to tape-up, fix-up, tie-down, and put it together so that no one really noticed until, of course, you pulled back the chair covers and table cloths and went to move something from one side of the room to the other.

I have been inundated for weeks now and haven’t begun to make a dent in the stuff. But I’m also having mixed feelings because the wealth of it embodies my granny and her spirit and she is still here, still kicking up a fuss and definitely not ready to let any of it go at all!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


I have no desire to get out of my bed. It’s warm and comfortable and what I would most like to do is spend the day here finishing the book that was due back to the library two days ago. Thank goodness for the five-day grace before late fees kick in because I’ve exhausted every one of my renewals.

I’m reading Walter Mosley’s newest novel, The Long Fall. Y’all know I’ve got a thing for my Walter. My Walter makes me hot! I hadn’t forgiven my Walter for killing off his Easy Rawlins character. Easy was like that lover who comes in and out of your life as the moment moves you. Easy knew where my sweet spot was and how to curl my toes and make me call out his name as if I was in prayer. I loved me some Easy Rawlins. But my Walter is making up for that faux pas.

My Walter’s back with a new mystery series and a new hero. A man named Leonid McGill. I’m liking Leonid. I don’t have a love thing for him yet like I did with Easy but the man is growing on me. And I swear, the brilliance of my Walter’s words are absolutely orgasmic!

Walter Mosley never disappoints me. The man embodies everything I aspire to be with my own writing. His talents with the written word are endless. The man knows how to string emotion together like nobody's business. My Walter absolutely curls my toes!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


It really has been one of those days.

My morning began with a man telling me I was mean. And cold. He said this after I turned down an invitation to join him for dinner. For some reason he can’t comprehend why I wouldn’t want to spend some quality time with him. He claims to be a great catch. He’s conveniently forgotten that he has a wife and a young child, he’s old (20-plus years older than I am actually), and that I am in a relationship. He also doesn’t seem to realize that most days he rolls in wearing last week’s unwashed clothes, lacking an ounce of personal hygiene, and has difficulty stringing a complete sentence together without adding “ya know what I mean?”

Suffice to say being told no for the umpteenth time he figured he’d win some favor points by pointing out my flaws, mean and cold being at the top of his list. I politely thanked him, muttered what I really thought under my breath and went back to doing what I was doing before I was so rudely interrupted.

And what I was working on was giving me a hard time. I couldn’t string my words together the way I needed to. The emotion behind the poetry was completely incoherent. Then just like that something clicked. The writing took on a life of its own and when I was finished I couldn’t have been more pleased.

For lunch, my son came to visit. He was motivated by hunger and the prospect of a free meal courtesy of mom. He and I had a nice conversation. He has set some new goals for himself. He has a new girlfriend, finally freeing himself from that she-devil who use to work my last nerve. It’s been some time since I saw him so happy. It's also the first time in a long time that he hasn't been insolent, rude, and just plain annoying. He hugged me, gave me a kiss and told me he loved me very much.

The morning temperatures went from chilly cold to absolute perfection with a cloudless blue sky to die for.

And right now, in this very moment, I am feeling something like happy. With luck, the rest of my happy day might turn out half as well.


Darryl and Kendra are in a relationship.

Darryl has issues with Kendra and her ex-husband.

Darryl was upset when Kendra and the ex-hubby attended a mutual friend’s wedding. He also had a problem with Kendra when she and the ex-hubby went to visit their only child in college. Kendra has tried to explain that it wasn’t about her and her ex because she wasn’t interested in him nor was he interested in her. Kendra had only hoped to keep the peace for the sake of other people. Darryl was quick to point out that he only had her word for that but since he trusted her he could let it go despite it having hurt his feelings. He makes a point of reminding Kendra of her transgressions and him having forgiven them every time there is an issue between them. Of course these things happened in the first year of their relationship.

Fast forward three-plus years. Kendra hasn’t spoken to or heard from her ex since forever. Darryl however is friends with his ex-wife. Darryl’s ex-wife calls whenever the moment moves her. Darryl will disappear for hours at a time to discuss his ex-wife’s problems and be a shoulder for her to lean on. On more than one occasion Darryl has cancelled plans with Kendra to deal with his baby mama drama. Darryl and his ex-wife even disappeared on a weekend vacation together with their kid but he seems to conveniently forget that when he’s pointing a finger at Kendra to remind her of all that she had done wrong.

And Darryl doesn’t seem to understand why Kendra has a problem with his relationship with this ex-wife. Darryl says Kendra is insecure. Kendra would beg to differ. Insecurity doesn’t have a thing to do with it. Darryl says Kendra doesn’t trust him. Kendra doesn’t agree with that either. Kendra says she doesn’t trust the ex-wife, a woman who’s made it clear that she wants Darryl back. A woman who Darryl himself says can't be trusted.

But the ex-wife isn’t the problem either.

I can’t help but wonder why Darryl would seem to disregard Kendra’s feelings? I have to question why Darryl would put any other woman before Kendra if Kendra is the woman he truly loves. And more importantly, why isn’t Kendra the one having the issues and pointing a finger?

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


Friends and family use to respect that this was my space to vent and vex about whatever I needed to rant about. Lately, no matter what I post, friends and family want to make it a conversation about them, or us, and more times than not I wasn’t thinking twice about them when I wrote whatever it was I wrote.

When it comes to my own stuff if I put it on paper and send it off into space, be it here or my desk drawer, then I am usually done with it. Once pen has hit paper, I have usually let go of the energy, the emotional baggage and whatever else might be attached to it. It doesn’t need to be mentioned or discussed so friends and family calling to have a conversation about it taxes my last nerve.

If I can let my mess go and be done with it, then so should everybody else. I don’t need to rehash it, rework it, or be bothered with other folks’ concerns. If venting here is what I need to do then I wish other folks would let me without it having to be an issue.

Bottom line though, if the stuff here has them concerned I’m going to hate to see what they do when the book comes out.

Friday, October 16, 2009


As I sit here in the wee hours of the morning playing a game of solitaire with insomnia, it dawns on me that I am in situation with a friend that does not make me happy. But I’m in it because it seems to be doing wonders for the friend. They would seem to be thriving but it is not bringing me an ounce of delight.

People-pleasing has been the bane of my existence for most of my life. For too long I didn’t know how to say no and saying yes became my mantra. I’m doing better with that but I don’t seem to be able to get over my compulsive need to make other people happy at the expense of my own contentment.

Between these games of solitaire, I’ve been trying to rationalize what all is right with the way things are between this person and me. It’s a short list in comparison to all that is wrong. The individual and I have had numerous conversations about our situation and why things need to change to benefit us both. After each conversation we digress back to what works for them. My feelings would seem to be inconsequential. And I truly am not happy with the situation between us.

It dawned on me that I haven’t been happy in a good while and I should be. But everything about my friend and I is wrong in so many ways. And I’ve grown extremely tired of making things work for other people when it means sacrificing my own joy.

Sitting here I realize that to preserve my own sanity I really need to kick my friend to the curb and move on without them. I need to get my joy back. And now that I have had my light bulb moment I’d give anything to be able to kick insomnia to the curb, too.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


It was an interesting conversation. Lauren, recently divorced, has begun dating again. Lauren has met a man that she really, really likes. This man also really, really likes her. But Lauren has decided that she isn’t going to get too attached. She has dreams and plans that will eventually move her across the country. She isn’t interested in her new relationship deterring her from her aspirations. Lauren says that if it’s meant to be then it will work itself out. A mutual friend of ours shares the same opinion. He feels that if his woman’s goals move her half way around the world then she should go regardless of him and their relationship.

I got the “me, me, me” factor from our conversation. What I failed to see was any “we” factored into their equations.

It was my intentions to head west once my marriage fell apart and my youngest child was out of the home and on his own. I loved the Phoenix, Arizona area and would have moved there without an ounce of hesitation. It also helped that at that time I had a potential job offer that would have made for a much smoother transition. But before I made my decision and went through with it I met my very special friend. A beautiful relationship blossomed. So I made the conscious decision not to leave and readily admitted that he was the one and only thing keeping me here in this state. Lauren thinks it was a foolish decision, that if my very special friend and I were meant to be together then he would have supported my choice to leave.

And I have no doubts that he would have. I know with every ounce of certainty that he would have supported whatever it was I wanted for myself. But why would I have wanted him to? Building a loving, respectful, mutually agreeable relationship requires an investment of time and energy. It also requires a little give and take from both parties. I fully agree that partners should support each other’s goals and aspirations but why would any partner reach for a goal that would exclude their other half, most especially if they are trying to build a life together? Why would I want to build a new life half way around the world without him if being with him was what I wanted most? If we are a couple building a lifetime relationship then shouldn’t decisions be factored around the “we” and not the “me”?

I would still love to move to Arizona. Atlanta is high on my list as well. But I wouldn’t want that without my very special friend wanting it with me, not just for me. The conversation was interesting but I just didn’t get Lauren’s argument about exclusion when inclusion was supposed to be the ultimate goal.

Monday, October 12, 2009


So, here I was rationalizing that although my diet wasn’t 100% healthy, it really wasn’t a bad diet at all. It wasn’t like I ate a whole lot of sweets or an abundance of food. I do enjoy a good meal and I’m not opposed to all things fried or fast food. Vegetables weren’t abundant but I did occasionally eat vegetables. Fruits however are few and far between. I also don’t typically eat three meals per day. Two seem to suffice and since exercise has become increasingly minimal, I figure less is best.

I got on the scale. Then I fell off the scale. I have hit an all time high. Every ounce of what I’d rationalized has been shot straight to hell. My so-called diet clearly hasn’t worked for me. Neither has avoiding the exercise.

My very special friend signed us both up for a gym membership. We’ve made a pledge to each other to do better.

Two tons ain’t fun but I’d give anything for a plate of fried chicken and a chocolate covered donut. And if you gave me enough time I’m sure I’d be able to rationalize that too.


Jill’s best friend liked Jack. The best friend told Jill. Jill dated Jack and they had a baby. Jill and her best friend are no longer friends. Jack and Jill were in love, happy with their baby. Then Jack started acting like a dick and Jill wasn’t happy any more.

Jill’s new best friend liked Peter. Jill decided she’d now be in love with Peter. Jill left Jack to date Peter. Jill was down another new best friend. Jill was happy. Peter was happy. Jack wasn’t happy at all. Then Jack made everybody unhappy. So Jill left Peter and went back to Jack. But Jack was still a dick so Jill left him again. Peter gave Jill an ultimatum, tired of Jill’s games. So Jill went back to Jack, again.

Now, Jack and Jill are getting married and Jill is all in love, again. And this has only been the first year in Jack and Jill’s relationship.

So, what have we learned from Jack and Jill?

(1) Don’t be best friends with Jill.
(2) If you like Dick, definitely don’t tell Jill.
(3) Jack is still a dick.
(4) Jack and Jill deserve each other.
(5) Child services should probably come save that poor baby from the train wreck that is his parent’s.
(6) Not all fairy tales have a happy ending.

Sunday, October 04, 2009


The first woman a man falls in love with is his mother. Mom will set the bar for all the other women that will cross their son’s path. If mom has shown a guy unconditional, unwavering love, it will be hard for any woman to trump that but the implication will be there for her to try.

A mother might not completely accept the new girl and might only tolerate her at best until they realize their son is truly happy. But what a mother doesn’t want is to see her child hurt, especially if the woman is only going to be in his life for a short time. No mom wants to see their baby go through any heartache.

Most men who cheat are scared to be cheated on and afraid of being hurt so they hurt first. Men base how they handle their relationship and how they solve the problems in them off how their relationship was/is with their mother. If mom wasn’t a good mom and treated him badly, that man won’t be amped to show any woman love. If the one woman who was supposed to love him unconditionally has done him wrong, a guy isn’t going to trust that another woman won’t do the same to him. Why wouldn’t he expect a woman he has just met, or a girlfriend to do the same thing? It’s what will go through his mind.

A man will trust his mother over any other woman and as the saying goes, mother does know best. Most would hope that is really true. Because a mom will never have to compete for her son’s love. Mom’s are forever. A girlfriend might only be here for the present, hoping for the future.

Saturday, October 03, 2009


Women have mistaken a man’s uncertainty about love and his not expressing it as quickly and openly as they do, as if we don’t love as hard. That is a big misconception. Men might not always voice it to you personally but if they truly love you they will show it to you in many other ways.

I hear it from guy friends all the time. From “she doesn’t believe I love her because I don’t say it”, to “she’s leaving me because she feels her love is wanted more somewhere else”. Women have doubted a man’s love for years, since before I was even thought of.

Give your man time to show his love instead of expecting him to express it out loud. You might like that more in the end. Remember, your man’s actions will forever speak louder than his words.

But remember, love is a two-way street. Take care that you don’t fall too quickly for a man. A women who falls too quickly in a relationship can be a turnoff for some men but don’t think you have to be afraid to let a man know you want more out the relationship if you do. Just don’t PUSH and make it seem like the changes you want have to happen right when you say they do. If you give a man time to break through his barriers or put his stuff behind him then you can trust that his love will eventually come pouring down.

Friday, September 25, 2009


Jenna had thought of his space as home once. But it wasn’t. She was reminded of that when she returned for the first time. She didn’t think going back would be as hard as it was, but it was difficult. Too many memories haunted her and she hadn’t expected that.

She hadn’t thought she’d have any problems, believing that she had reconciled with his decision for her to leave, her presence having caused him much angst. Bu going back she felt his rejection all over again, the hurt of it pulling at her spirit. Despite his best efforts to make her feel welcome, she couldn’t get past the fact that he hadn’t wanted her and he hadn’t wanted her there, in his home, with him.

She forced a smile on her face, praying that if she focused hard on the upward bend of her mouth, she wouldn’t feel the turmoil in her heart. She surely didn’t want her emotions to show. Because it had been his home. And he had never once promised that it would ever be hers. And she knew he hadn’t wanted her there. It was not her home.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


Gregory changed the rules of their relationship and now Gretchen is in a tailspin, fighting back depression and just wanting the hurt of it to stop and be over so she can feel whole again,

I told Gretchen her first mistake was giving her man control of her emotions. Gretchen countered that love took away her control, not Gregory. He simply benefitted from the experience. That one made me smile.

She's been playing Luther Vandross over and over again on her radio. Luther's quandry has become Gretchen's, the two of them asking for a reason to want their loved one back. Wondering why they should love again, pondering how to forgive and forget...

I told my girl to listen to some Mary J. Blige instead. To start with Testimony 'cause trouble don't last always, then play her some Enough Cryin', thinking she needs someone to carry her, and when all was said and done, play Mary's Stronger. Play it again and again until she realizes she is, even if it did take the hurt Gregory laid on her heart to get her there.

Saturday, September 19, 2009


The dynamics of past relationships can most assuredly linger with you longer than you would like. Sometimes we don’t know just how long. The ex-hubby and I do not have a civil relationship. My children are disturbed by it. Other people don’t understand it.

My very special friend asked me what or who was keeping the ex and I from being friends, most especially for the sake of our children. You see, he and his baby mama are very good friends, but that’s a blog for another day. He also doesn’t see any reason for folks to still be harboring animosity but that, as well, is a whole other post.

At the time I didn’t have the words to explain what I knew. I really didn’t think the man would understand it. Having lived it most of my adult life I don’t know if it really makes much sense to me. And then when the ugly of it rears up for attention, it does.

My baby boy resides with his father. This sometimes requires me to meet him in the driveway of their home. I’m not allowed past the front gate. Rarely, if ever, do I come into contact with his father. My son works diligently to time it that way. This morning was an exception. My baby boy didn’t expect his father to come back for something he’d forgotten. The man pulled into the driveway just seconds ahead of me.

Seeing no reason not to be polite I wished my ex a good morning. He asked me what I wanted. I had forgotten how easily he can lace a simple question with so much profanity.

With the level of discomfort rising, my conversation with my baby boy was exceptionally brief. As I made my exit I told his father, who was standing guard over his front porch, to have a good day. The man responded by grabbing the cheeks of his behind and telling me to kiss his very wide ass. The look of dismay on my child’s face broke my heart. Again.

In the confines of my marriage it was one thing when the abuse impacted only me. It was something all together different when my children were impacted by it. Their father didn’t care who it touched as long as he left a trail of devastation behind him.

An individual who doesn’t care about anyone or anything isn’t interested in being anyone’s friend. When that individual wasn’t a friend in the relationship they most assuredly can’t be a friend out of it. My ex-husband has never been my friend, most especially when we were married. I find it highly unlikely that this will ever change.

Things change when people want it to change. Historically, my ex-hubby has never been much interested in anything changing.

And what I also know for certain is that my finally being happy and no longer controlled by his abuse pisses my ex-husband right off. So much so that he can’t fathom moving past all of his anger to at least be decent for the sake of our children. He wished me ill will in the relationship and right now his hatred for me is palpable.

Some things will never change.

Friday, September 18, 2009


He has a blog like I do. His is one of the few that I follow with bated breath. I typically like what he has to say. But sometimes I read the man’s words and they leave me feeling as though I’m missing something. And so I find myself reading his words over and over again trying to figure out what it is that has slipped over my head without my realizing it.

I’ve even gone back and reread words that I’d thought I’d missed but really hadn’t. Then it hit me. I needed to read between the lines. It wasn’t about what he had actually said, but more about the emotion he couldn’t convey. It was all about the things he couldn’t put down on paper. Those things he was feeling and experiencing that were foreign to the true nature of who he was and contradicted with the man he was trying to be.

He has these honest moments where he spills his soul out for all of us to see but if the truth were told honest isn’t quite that honest. He claims to be sharing his hurt and frustration but trying to man up and not say just how damn sick and tired he is with his situation really has him saying very little at all. Everything has gotten sugar-coated as he strives to be politically correct and not hurt the ones who love him most.

Because the ones who love him most haven’t yet figured out just how damn sick and tired he is with his situation.

Monday, September 14, 2009


Being in a new relationship sometimes requires you to walk a land mine of emotions. I find myself questioning how one can do any relationship successfully and not be selfish about it, most especially if it is not in one’s nature to be selfish. Must you be selfish with your time and yourself to have a successful relationship? Will being selfish with yourself and your time do your relationship more harm than good? I’m actually conflicted.

Where is that balance? Shouldn’t you be a little selfish in a relationship? My very special friend and I navigate family, friends, a business, and a host of responsibilities that eat up a significant portion of our time. There never seems to be enough hours in a day for just the two of us before we have to start our routines all over again. It leaves very little quality time for he and I together that doesn’t get interrupted by someone else’s needs. Were we both more selfish, we’d have more time together that we wouldn’t allow others to intrude on. But that is not the nature of either of us.

But it begs the question, are we short changing each other and our relationship by not being a little selfish? Is it wrong of us to want to have each other longer than an hour here or there where neither of us is fielding phone calls or putting out someone else’s fire? Do we do ourselves a disservice by not expecting and demanding more of each other’s time that isn’t about the drama others lay on us to resolve? Will the wanting and not having do more harm than good to the bond that exists between us?

I feel like we’re walking a land mine to balance our needs with our wants. And I keep waiting for the wrong step when it all explodes around us.

Sunday, September 13, 2009


I don't watch music award shows. They typically annoy me. More times than not the acoustics are so bad that they take away from the performances. Then you have idiots who seem to go out of their way to be even more idoitic.

So when I found myself watching the MTV Video Awards with my favorite guy I wasn't expecting but so much. What I wanted most was to see Janet Jackson's tribute performance to her brother Michael. That I enjoyed much. I was also grateful that it came early in the show. I don't think I could have stomached watching all the other dribble to see Janet do her thing.

Then 19-year old Taylor Swift won for best female video. It was her first music award. I'm a big fan of firsts and although I can't profess to be a big fan of her music I applauded her win.

Her big moment however was interrupted by the one and only Kanye West, who in his usual ignorant, obnoxious fashion felt it necessary to steal the spotlight to shout out that Beyonce's video was best. It was the most mean-spirited thing anyone could have ever done.

I don't like Kanye. I'm not even moved by his music because the ugly he projects in everything else he does overshadows what little talent he might possess. For him to interject his personal opinion in someone else's moment when he didn't need to be on stage in the first place was totally uncalled for.

I don't imagine that Kanye's mother raised him to be so disrespectful. I'm sure if she could reach down from heaven and pimp slap him against the back of his exceptionally big head, she would.

And I have no doubts that one day, Kanye will insult the wrong person and someone else would do what his late mother can't. I just hope that when that happens, it hurts. Much. Kanye deserves a good pimp slap and so much more.

After Kanye's hatefest and Lady GaGa (who I really don't get) I was too through. Reruns of the Andy Griffith Show were promising to be far more entertaining. But my favorite guy persisted and despite some horrific musical moments I felt redeemed when Beyonce showed why she is truly the new Queen of the music world. After winning the award for Best Video, Beyonce called Taylor back on stage on told her to take her moment. That and Pink's performance (did you see that girl!) made the whole night worth it.

Friday, September 11, 2009


So, I’ve not been getting a good dose of my reality TV meds lately. My favorite guy and I have found The Real Housewives of Atlanta completely lacking. The commercials make for some interesting conversations and after each and every episode we can’t help but ask ourselves “why?”

Why would seemingly intelligent women exploit themselves so wantonly?

In the first season of Housewives of Atlanta I loved NeNe Leakes. I thought she was funny, engaging, and refreshingly honest. This season I’m rethinking my opinion. She is still funny, still engaging, but each of her episodes now seem way too contrived and she comes across as just plain loud and obnoxious.

The new “wife”, Kandi Burruss, won’t last long. She’s not bringing enough drama. She’s raising her daughter, her mother doesn’t like her boyfriend and won’t be moved from that opinion and Kandi seems most real. Plus, she cries. A lot. For me, Kandi just doesn’t have enough spark to hold folks’ attention.

Lisa Wu Harwell got herself some air time this season and she’s working it to her full advantage. The problem I’m having though is she’s working it instead of just letting it happen and happen well. My favorite Lisa episodes though are those with her husband Ed. Ed use to play football. Ed is foine. The man makes for very nice eye-candy when the wives are acting like fools.

And speaking of fools, don’t get me started on Sheree Whitfield. Sheree has abandoned any semblance of decorum and I can’t help but wonder what kind of deal she brokered with Bravo to do so. I am truly hoping they are paying her those six figures she didn’t get in her divorce settlement and that is why she is making such a complete and utter ass out of herself. She is so much better than the “character” she has created for television. I truly hope she will eventually find her way back from the far side.

And last but not least, is hot trailer mess, Kim Zolciak. I’ve got some issues with that cheap trick. I didn’t miss good ole’ girl’s comment last week while prepping for NeNe’s alter ego photo shoot. Initially, NeNe wanted Kim’s alter ego to be a black woman. I didn’t get it but hey. Kim didn’t want to be a black woman. So, NeNe decided she could do this Stepford Wife thing instead. Then that heifer and I don’t use that term lightly, has the audacity to say she didn’t like that either but it would have been “worse” to have been transformed into a black woman. “Worse?” Oh, no she didn’t! Plus, I don’t have any respect for a woman who brags about a married man maintaining her in exchange for sexual favors. They have corners for that kind of thing and Kim would do well to find one and crawl under it. She actually said it would be worse to be a black woman! I wanted to pull her wig off for that one!

Overall, the only folks I’m liking this season are the sixth girlfriend Dwight Eubanks and Kim’s wig-making, high-heel wearing, hand-bag swinging, gay friend. I think those two guys would have a far better show of their own.

Thank goodness Tyra is back with a new season of Top Model!

Sunday, September 06, 2009


Lord have mercy! This weekend wrecked my last nerve and had me about to jump ship on too, too many levels. Then just like a wave of cool air I clicked on one of my favorite sites and there was LIFE!

Monica Jackson is back, and well, I for one, and clearly many others, are absolutely thrilled.

All is suddenly well in the world again.


You can always see the beginning of the end. Whether or not you are willing to admit it is something else all together. In life we have to make choices. We hope that the choices we make are in not only our own best interest, but in the best interest of those who might be depending on us. In relationships, it’s not always about the couple themselves, but the family around them whose lives they impact. We must especially be cognizant of the children and how our actions will ultimately impact their young lives.

I have a friend who loved a man so much that she neglected her young daughter’s feelings, putting her relationship with her man before her child. Fast forward some twenty years later and that daughter is still trying to reconcile what she feels for her mother with what she knows she should feel. There is no balance between them and her mother has only herself to blame. That man only remained in their two lives for a brief period and then he was gone, never to be heard from again. The wounds he left behind were deep, both women still bleeding from the hurt that had ravaged their relationship.

Another friend could never imagine putting anyone before her children, not even herself and so she sacrificed years of her own happiness to insure theirs. She existed in an unhealthy relationship believing it was the right thing to do and now that her children are grown and gone, the few avenues of joy that had once existed have all dried and withered away. All alone, girlfriend can’t even begin to fathom a future where she might actually come first in someone else’s life, most especially since there is no someone else on the horizon.

Josephine looked to both women for answers to her own relationship dilemma. She’s head over heels in love with a man whose young children aren’t happy about her being in their daddy’s life. The son thinks she’s trying too hard to take his mother’s place and the daughter resents her presence all together. Daddy finds himself stuck between a rock and a hard place wanting to respect his children’s feelings and be true to what he is feeling for Josephine. So Josephine reached out for our opinions about what she and her man should do.

I think Josephine feels that she is seeing the beginning of the end. Her guy doesn’t necessarily agree. Ugly raised its head and the babies said they weren’t happy about their father’s relationship. Boyfriend’s first instinct was to send Josephine away until they could figure out how to fix what might be broke. He sent Josephine away. I can’t help but wonder why she needed to be gone for them to work on the problem if their being happy together is their ultimate goal.

But I also feel that his kids feelings have to be taken into consideration and the choices that may be made can’t just be about what this couple might want with each other. But I think if making it work were remotely possible, Josephine would be with her guy, and the kids, the four working together to find the balance they need with each other.

Instead, Josephine got sent away and now she's sitting in an empty house, all alone, wondering where it, and them, went wrong.

Thursday, September 03, 2009


Isn’t it funny that people can say they love you and their actions display the opposite?

Actions will forever speak louder than words. So preach what you speak and do it with passion. Speak as if it’s going out of fashion! Because at the end of the day, words are just words until you mean what you say.

So, if you’re guilty of this neglectful tendency and you want to change your ways, first look in the mirror, and seek the truth, before turning to the one you love and saying, I love you, babe.


Wednesday, September 02, 2009


The young brother had a game plan that he laid out for me to consider. It had possibilities but I had my reservations. He was persistent, stepping up his presentation and I had to admit that I liked what he had to say.

We negotiated back and forth until we came to a mutual understanding of each other's expectations. When all was said and done I couldn't help but wonder what I may have gotten myself into. With his confidence and cocky 15-year old swagger I don't think he has many concerns at all.

The boy has a penchent for expensive shoes, an eye for pretty girls, and a sense of humor that may very well make him a superstar one day.

He asked for space, and my audience, and I'm going to give it to him. I agreed because I find his talent refreshing. The young man can write and he doesn't even know it yet. He's got a big voice, with much to say and I respect that he wants to be heard. I think he could do this in his own blog space and I said so. He responded that he needed time to grow, so baby steps would serve him well. I could respect that as well. So my blog will be his training wheels. I imagine he'll soon ride off into the sunset with me trying to see past the dust he's kicked up.

I've given him one day each month that's his day. He's a third generation son carrying the same family name as his father and his grandfather. Westley Woody the Third. And he'll be here, in full swagger, every third day of the month.

THIRD on the 3rd...Don't Miss It!

Tuesday, September 01, 2009


There is only one man in my life who still has the ability to push my buttons and send me over the edge. Not one of my boys nor my very special friend can have me grinding my teeth and reaching for a stiff drink the way my father can.

My relationship with my father has been a whirlwind of extremes. Right up to my sixth birthday I was daddy’s favorite girl. Then just like that something changed. By the time I was sixteen I’d declared him my worst enemy and he wasn’t too happy with me either. When I married the ex-hubby my father didn’t talk to me for three years, not even to say hello.

Over the years daddy and I have established boundaries with each other that we know not to cross. It’s a very rare occasion that we bump heads and when we do we typically don’t bump heads but so hard, most especially since the old guy had his stroke. I know I haven’t been the greatest daughter but I’ve been more mindful about trying to be a good one.

And just like that something changed, again. Nothing makes the man happy and everything I do seems to grate on his last nerve. Once again I’m getting the silent treatment and for the first time I don’t think I did anything wrong to deserve it.

So now I’m grinding my teeth, tossing back shots of Jack like its water, and wondering, short of being five years old, what is it going to take to be my daddy’s favorite girl again.


Cheryl got caught up. The boyfriend had her thinking he was ready to take their relationship to the next level and she got caught up. Before she knew it she had allowed herself to imagine the what-ifs and the maybes. Cheryl started fiending after the fantasy and it felt good to her. Boyfriend even had the audacity to indulge her fantasies, playing pretend right along with her. But for Cheryl there was nothing pretend about the hope she’d put in the life time she had hoped to share with the man. She was seeking the reality and got herself caught right up in the want of it.

When boyfriend asked her out of the blue why she was suddenly so obsessed with taking that next step, it was as if he’d burst her balloon and her joy juice was seeping out of it at warp speed. Her happy evaporated because it didn’t take much to understand that boyfriend wasn’t feeling the excitement that she had been feeling. He wasn’t caught up at all. Boyfriend wasn’t really ready or wanting what Cheryl was imagining and realizing that just totally killed Cheryl’s buzz.

Monday, August 24, 2009


Oh, my goodness! Where do I begin?!

Despite a few bumps along the way my bachelor auction was very successful Saturday night. Although severe thunderstorms and torrential rains kept the crowds at bay, there were still a good number of diehard supporters who showed up to give the foundation their endorsement.

I wish I could report that we made tons of money for future scholarships but unfortunately such was not the case. We’re still tallying the numbers but it would appear that we at least broke even, the bills got paid and the endowment fund has a nice start. I’ll take that. I know that we set a standard and that next year it will only be better.

I also know that everyone who participated had an exceptional time. My volunteers were extraordinary and the folks who gathered to support us made the experience worthwhile. We partied until the wee hours of the morning and I am still trying to recover.

I loved everything about this. I value each and every lesson I learned. I absolutely adore every person who gave so freely of themselves and their time. Plans are already spinning in my head to do it all again soon.

Did I say how much I absolutely loved this?


I once warned a man not to disappoint me. I don’t take kindly to disappointment. Too many years with a man who had no consideration for my feelings will do that to you. This man assured me I had nothing to worry about, making promises that he swore he could keep. He promised and I warned him. It didn’t take a hot minute before the excuses came. Suddenly what he assured me he would do, he couldn’t. He was apologetic, insisting that had it been possible he would have surely followed through on his assurances. Unfortunately for me, and through no fault of his own, stuff just happened.

And just like that I didn’t have an ounce of umph for the brother. Men like him come and go and leaving is the best thing he will ever be able to do for me. I don’t have the time or energy for second chances. Disappoint me once and once is all you will ever have.

But no one can say I didn’t give him fair warning.

Friday, August 14, 2009


Mark is a good guy. Most folks would say he is too good, unable to say no when it’s no that he should be saying. At least that’s what his girl Lisa thinks. Lisa’s a little miffed because every time Mark’s ex-wife calls for his time and attention he can’t ever seem to say no. Just this week, the ex needed to borrow something Mark had and Mark almost fell over himself getting it to her. Lisa had some serious issues with this. Mark says Lisa is making too much out of nothing.

And maybe it would be nothing if Mark’s ex-wife wasn’t interested in reconciling their relationship. It would most definitely be nothing if the ex-wife had clearly moved on with her life. But the woman is still holding on to hope that she and Mark might make their thing a thing again. I can see where this might be a problem for Lisa since Mark doesn’t want to see anything wrong with it at all.

Mark is playing with emotion that doesn’t need to be played with. Give a woman something to doubt and that uncertainty will ravage her spirit and her love. Toying with a woman’s wants and desires can also prove to be problematic when it doesn’t have to be. Whatever game Mark is playing may not serve him well in the end. Mark might be wise to proceed with much caution.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


Karen found herself sitting in a closet while her guy handled business with his ex-wife. Almost three years into a relationship and she is hiding in a closet so that there is no drama with her man’s baby mama. Already fragile, this was the straw that broke her spirit and sent her into a downward spiral.

I couldn’t help but remember an editor who was reviewing a story submission. The female character had hit rock bottom and was struggling to find her way in the world. After reviewing the manuscript this female editor wrote back that no self-respecting woman would allow herself to be treated so miserably. I wrote back that no woman knows what she will allow until she is put into a situation that she has never been put in before. All women would hope that they react and do the right thing. Sometimes knowing what that might be isn’t so cut and dry.

When that doorbell rang and boyfriend reacted, Karen reacted with him. He pointed to the closet and there she stood in wait. I only had one thing to say about the situation. It’s been three years and boyfriend still needs to hide her from his ex? Karen might want to open her eyes and do some serious soul searching. Clearly, her man being more concerned with his ex than with her, says more about their relationship than either of them seems willing to admit.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009


Ask and you shall receive!

I am in awe of all the incredible people who have stepped up to assist me with my fundraising endeavors and who have agreed to participate in our benefit auction. Donations have been rolling in and my earlier anxiety has been replaced with something so much sweeter.

It’s been raining men, and a few women, and I am so excited that I am about to bust!

Recently someone asked why I decided to do a Bachelor / Bachelorette auction. And the answer is simply that I wanted to do something different that would make people smile, connect unlikely liaisons and do a whole lot of good at the same time.

So what have I learned in Fundraising 101 thus far?

That this is going to be a wonderful event. That I may actually pull this off with relatively few glitches. That it may take us a penny at a time to reach the lofty goals I've set but I'm confident that we will get there. That I’m gaining invaluable information to use the next time around. And most importantly, I’m meeting and discovering a host of new people with the biggest hearts and the most generous spirits.

I’m really liking these lessons a lot!

Saturday, August 01, 2009


The young brother fancies himself to be a wise soul of sorts. His youthful wisdom has, at times, provoked much thought. His attentive ear and compassionate spirit opens him up to much drama, other people bending his ear for sage advice.

I eavesdropped on a conversation he was having with an acquaintance, a young friend whose heart had been broken by a philandering boy. The girl dropped her burdens on the young brother's shoulders enlisting his support and encouragement. Not knowing what to do, if anything at all, girlfriend was wanting the young brother to tell her where next she should turn.

"You're a pretty girl," he asserted firmly. "Pretty inside and out, and if he can't see that then he doesn't deserve you. But we don't know what we have until it's gone. Now that you're not there all the time he has finally realized what he has lost. But you can't let one person from your past hold you back from your future. You might run into the perfect guy and you won't be able to love him because of someone who is playing around with your heart. I can't tell you to leave and I can't tell you to stay. I can only tell you that your heart deserves better."

Youthful wisdom from a fifteen-year old young brother.


Sitting by my grandmother’s bedside I was remembering moments in time when I had more questions than I had answers, when nothing made sense and everything seemed reasonable. She use to sit at the kitchen table, in the dark, drinking alone. I would wonder why but I didn’t dare ask. Her glass would be heavy with the dark umber of a bitter bourbon or scotch, whatever her preference was at that moment. Sadly, when she drank, she could be cruel and I knew better than to incite her wrath. But I couldn’t help but wonder why she drank alone.

Sitting there, remembering, I couldn’t stop myself from asking. I was actually surprised when she answered.

“You remember that?”

“I do.”

“Drinking took the weight off.”

“I don’t understand.”

“The weight of the world. Drinking took it off my shoulders.”

“Were things that bad for you?”

“Not things, baby. Usually just a man.”

“All of them?”

“Most of them.”

“Enough to make you drink?”

“Enough to make me want to stop the train and get off this ride for as long as I could.”

“They broke your spirit.”

She paused. “No, they didn’t break nothin’. They just slipped in and took what they wanted until there was nothing else left to take.”

“And drinking made it better?”

“Drinking made it bearable.”

“But you stopped drinking and everything seemed just fine.”

She laughed. “It was. That’s when I got rid of the men in my life too.”

I laughed with her. Then I remembered the last real boyfriend in her life. He was a bear of a man. Well over six feet tall and solid muscle. He kept her draped in fur and diamonds and there was nothing that she wanted for. Theirs was a volatile relationship and the day he kicked in my daddy’s front door to get to her, was the last day I ever saw of him. He kicked that door and my daddy kicked him. Granny never drank alone, in the dark, after that.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009


Wow! I am in awe of this place I have found myself in. Double WOW! I have had my hands full for some time now. Finishing two books and meeting my deadlines have been at the top of my to-do list. Putting together a kick-ass fundraiser has also been way, way up there. And then suddenly, drama decided to make a pit stop at my front door.

First, I had an issue with a relative. The woman pushed my last button and she doesn’t know just how badly I want to whoop her extremely wide behind. I still might if she doesn’t get her head out of the crack of her behind and recognize that family is about other people and not the world revolving solely around her. My mother defended her actions by saying she is “going through some stuff”. I had to remind my mother that we all are and our relative’s “stuff” doesn’t’ even begin to compare. Our “stuff” got thrown at us without warning. The relative has been picking up her “stuff” by choice and she didn’t have to make the decisions she made. She had options. We didn’t.

Then I had an issue with two individuals I won’t even bother to categorize as acquaintances now. Other people have been pointing out their shortcomings for years. I continually gave them both the benefit of the doubt, wanting our friendships to work. Then they both kicked me when I was down. I still have the bruises to show for it. They no longer have me for a friend.

My grandmother has been a challenge unto herself. Last week we had to tell her that she will not be coming home. The decision finally had to be made to move her from the rehabilitation center to a permanent nursing home. She was not happy and she is still making sure I know it, haunting me in my dreams at night.

And then I went on a relationship ride like I’ve never traveled before. When the trip started my very best friend and I were riding two separate horses headed down very different paths. Then just like that something clicked and there we were, sitting hand in hand on the same stallion, headed in the very same direction. I didn’t know a trip could be so sweet. I saw light at the end of the tunnel and for the very first time I knew exactly where I was going to find myself when all was said and done.

The last time I found myself so at peace I was standing beneath the large oak tree on my late grandparent's farm. It was heavy with moss, the morning air was as still as death and I was crying a prayer skyward. Out of the blue a single of ray of sunshine hit my face and then just like that I knew no matter what, everything in my small world was going to be well.

I am in this incredible place and even with the drama I didn’t know things could be this good.