I Ain't Said Nothin' But A Word...

Father Time can’t get his ragged butt out of dodge quick enough for me. I am so excited at the prospect of a new year that I am ready, willing, and wanting Baby New Year to get here quick to challenge me with whatever he has in his bag of tricks. 2009 almost got the best of me but I’m still standing on faith, still believing in the power of prayer, and still trusting in God to see me through. I heeded the wisdoms that were shared with me this past year. Subsequently I took a number of risks, sometimes jumping without thought, or fear, into the unknown. I learned many lessons. I realized that there were doors that closed so that others could be opened. Something I thought I wanted eluded me and I’ve come to realize that it was truly a blessing in disguise. I broke some rules, made some mistakes, claimed some successes, and through it all stayed true to myself. 2010 will usher in a wealth of hope and potential. I’ll be reviving life into my Stallion boys, writing like my life depends on

Tabitha and Ben hit a brick wall in their relationship. I know brick walls. I have hit a few of them myself. But Tabitha says she’s crashed so hard this time that it will be a miracle if she’s able to recover at all. She and Ben are going into year four of their relationship. Tabitha is afraid that they may have come to the end of the journey together. The first year they hit your typical new relationship stuff, navigating unpacked baggage from their pasts. Those small humps just required some tactful maneuvering. The second year, Tabitha hit brick when Ben told her he liked her a lot but he didn’t know if he was really in love with her. Tabitha hit brick but the duo managed to bounce back from the impact. Ben was optimistic about her and him and he wanted them to work through whatever was keeping him from giving her his whole heart. Year three, however, has turned out to be a whole other beast. Tabitha did something stupid and stupid has cost her Ben’s trust. “I wasn’t trying to be de

The turkey is in the oven. Most of the presents are wrapped and here on the east coast Christmas Day is officially here. I am cuddled close to my favorite guy, feeling safe and secure and immensely loved. The only things missing are that dang Christmas tree and enough snow to cover the ground and make it a white holiday. Being safe, secure and immensely loved has done wonders for my previous "bah humbug" mood. Santa done good this year and I have much to be thankful for. Merry Christmas and I wish you all a very safe and blessed holiday!

Christmas is right at our doors and I am more ready for it to come and be gone, than I am for it to come at all. Shortly after Thanksgiving I was excited at the prospect of the holiday. That excitement got kicked to the curb and is in need of some serious resuscitation. I’m thinking though that it can’t be revived in such a short period of time. Like most little girls l I loved Christmas. But what was most exciting for me was when our Christmas tree went up. Decorating it was always quite an event in our home. There’d be music and popcorn and cookies baking and everyone would be happy with laughter. Christmas trees have always fascinated me. I love the lights and the ornaments and the sheer beauty of taking something so magnificently beautiful and transforming it into something even more extraordinary. Back in the day we went from a live tree to an artificial one but it worked. As an adult, when doing Christmas for my children I always had a live tree. It became tradition for us to go

Aargh!!! I have been lost in the middle of a story that I haven't been able to manipulate the way I needed to. Then I got it. I saw the words string themselves together and it was a pretty moment. Then just like that I lost it. Noise and clutter got all up in my way. Struggling to get them back I politely excused myself from family and friends to clear my head and regroup. And just like that the words came back as neatly as before. But before I could get them onto paper, noise came clammering back again. The noise is so intrusive that I can't even see straight so putting pretty words onto paper doesn't even stand a chance.

I sometimes feel like the fabric of being black in a world where such is not the favorite flavor cripples our ability to see things with an otherwise open mind and eye. Publishers Weekly took a mountain of flack this week for its current cover. The image, (Pickin’, 1999) by photographer Lauren Kelley is a powerful depiction of a black woman whose crowning glory is a giant sculptural Afro hair-do comprised of hair picks with plastic handles molded into black power fists. This particular photograph was taken from the book , Posing Beauty: African American Images from the 1890s to the Present by Deborah Willis, who also curated the accompanying art exhibition, Posing Beauty in African American Culture which will travel nationally beginning Spring 2010. All of the images in the exhibition, including Pickin,’ "challenge idealized forms of beauty in art by examining their portrayal and exploring a variety of attitudes about race, class, gender, popular culture and politics as seen thr

The past two weeks have been one hell of an uphill climb. And Lord knows, I surely didn’t look as good as he does doing it! Natural disaster, insurance claims, miscommunications with loved ones, dreaded deadlines, and the fragile thread between sanity and a full blown breakdown have had me behind some big ass boulders trying to push my way to the top. I’ve still got some distance to go but I can see clear sky ahead and that’s a good thing. Now if I can only move these last few rocks blocking my path I may very well enjoy the upcoming holiday and be ready to rock in a New Year.

It’s a law of nature. You cannot have more than one queen in a hive. A multiple-queen colony is dependent on those queens being able to exist in a harmonious manner. Harmony being the key. As I tried to explain to my boy Derrick, it doesn’t even work with bees so the chances of it working with women is slim and nil. Without that harmony those queens don’t do anything but wreck havoc in an otherwise peaceful home. Derrick has too many queens in his beehive. Ex-wives, new girlfriends and family each trying to take care of his needs. Ex-wives, new girlfriends and family each trying to sit on top of King Derrick’s throne. Derrick’s queens are battling for space; closet space, parking space, kitchen space, Derrick space. But boyfriend can’t seem to grasp why any of his women would have a problem. Derrick doesn’t understand the law of nature that says there can only be one Queen and only one Queen can rule.

Okay, so my very special friend got a new toy at Best Buy’s Black Friday sale. The man walked away with three GPS systems and has been testing them out all weekend. Yesterday, he’d determined which one had the features that most suited his needs and he sent the others back to the store. I was about ready for him to return every one of them. The man has been like a five-year old with a Christmas truck. His face lights up every time he discovers the something new his thing can do. I’ve been shaking my head, ignoring his excited outbursts after Monday’s midnight ride to the mall to see which one rerouted us and which one didn’t. Tonight, as we said goodnight, preparing to go to sleep, he tapped his toy and plugged in some new setting. It was too much to ignore so I had to ask. “Please, tell me where you need directions to in your sleep?” As his thing chirped and flashed, he grinned, setting it gently on the nightstand. Then with a smug chuckle, he said, “Destination Deborah!” So maybe his

I hope everyone had a safe and joyous holiday. I skipped my usual holiday greeting this week. There was much I was busting to write but I had to put it on hold so that I wouldn’t give any secrets away. I’d been holding on to a boatload of secrets for the past few weeks. This entire weekend has been about family. His, mine, and ours. Thanksgiving Day my special friend and I spent the entire day together. The time was spent in self reflection, us reflection and just the sheer enjoyment of enjoying time together. We then spent the evening dining with my family in my mother’s home. Family then kicked in big time. Secrets spilled out on Friday evening when we celebrated my mother’s 70th birthday with a surprise birthday party. Family and friends came from all over to honor a woman who has been an exceptional part of this family. Her oldest sister who is well in her 80’s traveled from South Carolina. Her youngest sibling came from Washington for the celebration. Women who grew up in my famil

She told him she wished she didn’t love him so much. She really believes that if she didn’t love him as much as she does then when things aren’t well between them and it hurts as much as it sometimes does, that she wouldn’t care. He told her to pray to God to take that love out of her heart and God would. As she told me I had to think about that for a moment. Will God take love out of your heart? Would you want him to? I can’t imagine that my God, who has blessed me with the ability to open my heart to another individual, would willfully wipe that from my spirit. I can’t begin to fathom myself or anyone else thinking they should or could ask God to do such a thing. Falling in love is such a monumental feat. Opening up one’s self to that kind of vulnerability is not an easy thing to do. I also think that when one person truly captures your heart, then you’ve been given an amazing gift. Making a commitment to another person is not only about them but also about yourself. Love is seeing s

Four years ago today my oldest son passed away. You never ever get over that kind of loss. What you do is pick yourself up, try to keep moving, and in time, you hopefully learn a new kind of normal. I can’t help but wonder what life would be like if my child was still here with us today. I wonder about the impact he would have had on his own children. How he would have handled his father and I divorcing? Would he still be supportive of my choices? Would his little brother ignore his swift kicks the way baby boy ignores mine? I miss my favorite son. I miss him calling to ask if I would cook his favorite meal the way only I knew how to do. I miss hearing the sound of his voice and that laugh that always made me laugh with him. I wonder what he would have thought about the economy and our President and how the New England Patriots have been performing. I am sometimes amazed at just how much you can miss somebody. I would never have imagined it to be so consuming. I’ve written about my son

Due to the idiosyncrasies of being fifteen-years old and easily distracted, Third on the 3rd will return in December. Maybe. And then again, maybe not. It will depend on whether or not we can get over our idiosyncrasies. It will also depend on whether or not I can be re-convinced that we are both dedicated, responsible and committed to delivering on our promises.

I am buying my grandmother’s home to keep it in the family. With her mounting nursing home expenses she can no longer afford the maintenance and taxes and between trying to qualify her for Medicaid and satisfying the nursing home's asset requirements, selling it is the only logical answer. Since I’m still living in it, it was the most reasonable option that I buy it to take some of the pressure off of my old people. I have always loved older homes. This one is no exception. My father has done much upgrading over the past few years including a new roof and new vinyl siding. It has a wonderful front porch, great yard space and sits on a relatively nice, dead-end street, just minutes from Duke University. The interior however is a whole other beast. Over the years I have attempted to convince my grandmother to change things around, paint and redecorate but she wasn’t having it. The walls in every room are wood paneling. The carpet needs to be pulled up and thrown away. I’m praying the

I have no desire to get out of my bed. It’s warm and comfortable and what I would most like to do is spend the day here finishing the book that was due back to the library two days ago. Thank goodness for the five-day grace before late fees kick in because I’ve exhausted every one of my renewals. I’m reading Walter Mosley’s newest novel, The Long Fall . Y’all know I’ve got a thing for my Walter. My Walter makes me hot! I hadn’t forgiven my Walter for killing off his Easy Rawlins character. Easy was like that lover who comes in and out of your life as the moment moves you. Easy knew where my sweet spot was and how to curl my toes and make me call out his name as if I was in prayer. I loved me some Easy Rawlins. But my Walter is making up for that faux pas. My Walter’s back with a new mystery series and a new hero. A man named Leonid McGill. I’m liking Leonid. I don’t have a love thing for him yet like I did with Easy but the man is growing on me. And I swear, the brilliance of my Walter

It really has been one of those days. My morning began with a man telling me I was mean. And cold. He said this after I turned down an invitation to join him for dinner. For some reason he can’t comprehend why I wouldn’t want to spend some quality time with him. He claims to be a great catch. He’s conveniently forgotten that he has a wife and a young child, he’s old (20-plus years older than I am actually), and that I am in a relationship. He also doesn’t seem to realize that most days he rolls in wearing last week’s unwashed clothes, lacking an ounce of personal hygiene, and has difficulty stringing a complete sentence together without adding “ya know what I mean?” Suffice to say being told no for the umpteenth time he figured he’d win some favor points by pointing out my flaws, mean and cold being at the top of his list. I politely thanked him, muttered what I really thought under my breath and went back to doing what I was doing before I was so rudely interrupted. And what I was wor

Darryl and Kendra are in a relationship. Darryl has issues with Kendra and her ex-husband. Darryl was upset when Kendra and the ex-hubby attended a mutual friend’s wedding. He also had a problem with Kendra when she and the ex-hubby went to visit their only child in college. Kendra has tried to explain that it wasn’t about her and her ex because she wasn’t interested in him nor was he interested in her. Kendra had only hoped to keep the peace for the sake of other people. Darryl was quick to point out that he only had her word for that but since he trusted her he could let it go despite it having hurt his feelings. He makes a point of reminding Kendra of her transgressions and him having forgiven them every time there is an issue between them. Of course these things happened in the first year of their relationship. Fast forward three-plus years. Kendra hasn’t spoken to or heard from her ex since forever. Darryl however is friends with his ex-wife. Darryl’s ex-wife calls whenever the mo

Friends and family use to respect that this was my space to vent and vex about whatever I needed to rant about. Lately, no matter what I post, friends and family want to make it a conversation about them, or us, and more times than not I wasn’t thinking twice about them when I wrote whatever it was I wrote. When it comes to my own stuff if I put it on paper and send it off into space, be it here or my desk drawer, then I am usually done with it. Once pen has hit paper, I have usually let go of the energy, the emotional baggage and whatever else might be attached to it. It doesn’t need to be mentioned or discussed so friends and family calling to have a conversation about it taxes my last nerve. If I can let my mess go and be done with it, then so should everybody else. I don’t need to rehash it, rework it, or be bothered with other folks’ concerns. If venting here is what I need to do then I wish other folks would let me without it having to be an issue. Bottom line though, if the stuf

As I sit here in the wee hours of the morning playing a game of solitaire with insomnia, it dawns on me that I am in situation with a friend that does not make me happy. But I’m in it because it seems to be doing wonders for the friend. They would seem to be thriving but it is not bringing me an ounce of delight. People-pleasing has been the bane of my existence for most of my life. For too long I didn’t know how to say no and saying yes became my mantra. I’m doing better with that but I don’t seem to be able to get over my compulsive need to make other people happy at the expense of my own contentment. Between these games of solitaire, I’ve been trying to rationalize what all is right with the way things are between this person and me. It’s a short list in comparison to all that is wrong. The individual and I have had numerous conversations about our situation and why things need to change to benefit us both. After each conversation we digress back to what works for them. My feelings

It was an interesting conversation. Lauren, recently divorced, has begun dating again. Lauren has met a man that she really, really likes. This man also really, really likes her. But Lauren has decided that she isn’t going to get too attached. She has dreams and plans that will eventually move her across the country. She isn’t interested in her new relationship deterring her from her aspirations. Lauren says that if it’s meant to be then it will work itself out. A mutual friend of ours shares the same opinion. He feels that if his woman’s goals move her half way around the world then she should go regardless of him and their relationship. I got the “me, me, me” factor from our conversation. What I failed to see was any “we” factored into their equations. It was my intentions to head west once my marriage fell apart and my youngest child was out of the home and on his own. I loved the Phoenix, Arizona area and would have moved there without an ounce of hesitation. It also helped that at

So, here I was rationalizing that although my diet wasn’t 100% healthy, it really wasn’t a bad diet at all. It wasn’t like I ate a whole lot of sweets or an abundance of food. I do enjoy a good meal and I’m not opposed to all things fried or fast food. Vegetables weren’t abundant but I did occasionally eat vegetables. Fruits however are few and far between. I also don’t typically eat three meals per day. Two seem to suffice and since exercise has become increasingly minimal, I figure less is best. I got on the scale. Then I fell off the scale. I have hit an all time high. Every ounce of what I’d rationalized has been shot straight to hell. My so-called diet clearly hasn’t worked for me. Neither has avoiding the exercise. My very special friend signed us both up for a gym membership. We’ve made a pledge to each other to do better. Two tons ain’t fun but I’d give anything for a plate of fried chicken and a chocolate covered donut. And if you gave me enough time I’m sure I’d be able to r

Jill’s best friend liked Jack. The best friend told Jill. Jill dated Jack and they had a baby. Jill and her best friend are no longer friends. Jack and Jill were in love, happy with their baby. Then Jack started acting like a dick and Jill wasn’t happy any more. Jill’s new best friend liked Peter. Jill decided she’d now be in love with Peter. Jill left Jack to date Peter. Jill was down another new best friend. Jill was happy. Peter was happy. Jack wasn’t happy at all. Then Jack made everybody unhappy. So Jill left Peter and went back to Jack. But Jack was still a dick so Jill left him again. Peter gave Jill an ultimatum, tired of Jill’s games. So Jill went back to Jack, again. Now, Jack and Jill are getting married and Jill is all in love, again. And this has only been the first year in Jack and Jill’s relationship. So, what have we learned from Jack and Jill? (1) Don’t be best friends with Jill. (2) If you like Dick, definitely don’t tell Jill. (3) Jack is still a dick. (4) Jack and J

The first woman a man falls in love with is his mother. Mom will set the bar for all the other women that will cross their son’s path. If mom has shown a guy u nconditional, unwavering love, it will be hard for any woman to trump that but the implication will be there for her to try. A mother might not completely accept the new girl and might only tolerate her at best until they realize their son is truly happy. But what a mother doesn’t want is to see her child hurt, especially if the woman is only going to be in his life for a short time. No mom wants to see their baby go through any heartache. Most men who cheat are scared to be cheated on and afraid of being hurt so they hurt first. Men base how they handle their relationship and how they solve the problems in them off how their relationship was/is with their mother. If mom wasn’t a good mom and treated him badly, that man won’t be amped to show any woman love. If the one woman who was supposed to love him unconditionally has don

Women have mistaken a man’s uncertainty about love and his not expressing it as quickly and openly as they do, as if we don’t love as hard. That is a big misconception. Men might not always voice it to you personally but if they truly love you they will show it to you in many other ways. I hear it from guy friends all the time. From “she doesn’t believe I love her because I don’t say it”, to “she’s leaving me because she feels her love is wanted more somewhere else”. Women have doubted a man’s love for years, since before I was even thought of. Give your man time to show his love instead of expecting him to express it out loud. You might like that more in the end. Remember, your man’s actions will forever speak louder than his words. But remember, love is a two-way street. Take care that you don’t fall too quickly for a man. A women who falls too quickly in a relationship can be a turnoff for some men but don’t think you have to be afraid to let a man know you want more out the relat

Jenna had thought of his space as home once. But it wasn’t. She was reminded of that when she returned for the first time. She didn’t think going back would be as hard as it was, but it was difficult. Too many memories haunted her and she hadn’t expected that. She hadn’t thought she’d have any problems, believing that she had reconciled with his decision for her to leave, her presence having caused him much angst. Bu going back she felt his rejection all over again, the hurt of it pulling at her spirit. Despite his best efforts to make her feel welcome, she couldn’t get past the fact that he hadn’t wanted her and he hadn’t wanted her there, in his home, with him. She forced a smile on her face, praying that if she focused hard on the upward bend of her mouth, she wouldn’t feel the turmoil in her heart. She surely didn’t want her emotions to show. Because it had been his home. And he had never once promised that it would ever be hers. And she knew he hadn’t wanted her there. It was not

Gregory changed the rules of their relationship and now Gretchen is in a tailspin, fighting back depression and just wanting the hurt of it to stop and be over so she can feel whole again, I told Gretchen her first mistake was giving her man control of her emotions. Gretchen countered that love took away her control, not Gregory. He simply benefitted from the experience. That one made me smile. She's been playing Luther Vandross over and over again on her radio. Luther's quandry has become Gretchen's, the two of them asking for a reason to want their loved one back. Wondering why they should love again, pondering how to forgive and forget... I told my girl to listen to some Mary J. Blige instead. To start with Testimony 'cause trouble don't last always, then play her some Enough Cryi n', thinking she needs someone to carry her, and when all was said and done, play Mary's Stronger . Play it again and again until she realizes she is, even if it did take the h

The dynamics of past relationships can most assuredly linger with you longer than you would like. Sometimes we don’t know just how long. The ex-hubby and I do not have a civil relationship. My children are disturbed by it. Other people don’t understand it. My very special friend asked me what or who was keeping the ex and I from being friends, most especially for the sake of our children. You see, he and his baby mama are very good friends, but that’s a blog for another day. He also doesn’t see any reason for folks to still be harboring animosity but that, as well, is a whole other post. At the time I didn’t have the words to explain what I knew. I really didn’t think the man would understand it. Having lived it most of my adult life I don’t know if it really makes much sense to me. And then when the ugly of it rears up for attention, it does. My baby boy resides with his father. This sometimes requires me to meet him in the driveway of their home. I’m not allowed past the front gate.

He has a blog like I do. His is one of the few that I follow with bated breath. I typically like what he has to say. But sometimes I read the man’s words and they leave me feeling as though I’m missing something. And so I find myself reading his words over and over again trying to figure out what it is that has slipped over my head without my realizing it. I’ve even gone back and reread words that I’d thought I’d missed but really hadn’t. Then it hit me. I needed to read between the lines. It wasn’t about what he had actually said, but more about the emotion he couldn’t convey. It was all about the things he couldn’t put down on paper. Those things he was feeling and experiencing that were foreign to the true nature of who he was and contradicted with the man he was trying to be. He has these honest moments where he spills his soul out for all of us to see but if the truth were told honest isn’t quite that honest. He claims to be sharing his hurt and frustration but trying to man up an

Being in a new relationship sometimes requires you to walk a land mine of emotions. I find myself questioning how one can do any relationship successfully and not be selfish about it, most especially if it is not in one’s nature to be selfish. Must you be selfish with your time and yourself to have a successful relationship? Will being selfish with yourself and your time do your relationship more harm than good? I’m actually conflicted. Where is that balance? Shouldn’t you be a little selfish in a relationship? My very special friend and I navigate family, friends, a business, and a host of responsibilities that eat up a significant portion of our time. There never seems to be enough hours in a day for just the two of us before we have to start our routines all over again. It leaves very little quality time for he and I together that doesn’t get interrupted by someone else’s needs. Were we both more selfish, we’d have more time together that we wouldn’t allow others to intrude on. But

I don't watch music award shows. They typically annoy me. More times than not the acoustics are so bad that they take away from the performances. Then you have idiots who seem to go out of their way to be even more idoitic. So when I found myself watching the MTV Video Awards with my favorite guy I wasn't expecting but so much. What I wanted most was to see Janet Jackson's tribute performance to her brother Michael. That I enjoyed much. I was also grateful that it came early in the show. I don't think I could have stomached watching all the other dribble to see Janet do her thing. Then 19-year old Taylor Swift won for best female video. It was her first music award. I'm a big fan of firsts and although I can't profess to be a big fan of her music I applauded her win. Her big moment however was interrupted by the one and only Kanye West, who in his usual ignorant, obnoxious fashion felt it necessary to steal the spotlight to shout out that Beyonce's video was

So, I’ve not been getting a good dose of my reality TV meds lately. My favorite guy and I have found The Real Housewives of Atlanta completely lacking. The commercials make for some interesting conversations and after each and every episode we can’t help but ask ourselves “why?” Why would seemingly intelligent women exploit themselves so wantonly? In the first season of Housewives of Atlanta I loved NeNe Leakes. I thought she was funny, engaging, and refreshingly honest. This season I’m rethinking my opinion. She is still funny, still engaging, but each of her episodes now seem way too contrived and she comes across as just plain loud and obnoxious. The new “wife”, Kandi Burruss, won’t last long. She’s not bringing enough drama. She’s raising her daughter, her mother doesn’t like her boyfriend and won’t be moved from that opinion and Kandi seems most real. Plus, she cries. A lot. For me, Kandi just doesn’t have enough spark to hold folks’ attention. Lisa Wu Harwell got herself some air

Lord have mercy! This weekend wrecked my last nerve and had me about to jump ship on too, too many levels. Then just like a wave of cool air I clicked on one of my favorite sites and there was LIFE! Monica Jackson is back, and well, I for one, and clearly many others, are absolutely thrilled. All is suddenly well in the world again.

You can always see the beginning of the end. Whether or not you are willing to admit it is something else all together. In life we have to make choices. We hope that the choices we make are in not only our own best interest, but in the best interest of those who might be depending on us. In relationships, it’s not always about the couple themselves, but the family around them whose lives they impact. We must especially be cognizant of the children and how our actions will ultimately impact their young lives. I have a friend who loved a man so much that she neglected her young daughter’s feelings, putting her relationship with her man before her child. Fast forward some twenty years later and that daughter is still trying to reconcile what she feels for her mother with what she knows she should feel. There is no balance between them and her mother has only herself to blame. That man only remained in their two lives for a brief period and then he was gone, never to be heard from again. T

Isn’t it funny that people can say they love you and their actions display the opposite? Actions will forever speak louder than words. So preach what you speak and do it with passion. Speak as if it’s going out of fashion! Because at the end of the day, words are just words until you mean what you say. So, if you’re guilty of this neglectful tendency and you want to change your ways, first look in the mirror, and seek the truth, before turning to the one you love and saying, I love you, babe . Third

The young brother had a game plan that he laid out for me to consider. It had possibilities but I had my reservations. He was persistent, stepping up his presentation and I had to admit that I liked what he had to say. We negotiated back and forth until we came to a mutual understanding of each other's expectations. When all was said and done I couldn't help but wonder what I may have gotten myself into. With his confidence and cocky 15-year old swagger I don't think he has many concerns at all. The boy has a penchent for expensive shoes, an eye for pretty girls, and a sense of humor that may very well make him a superstar one day. He asked for space, and my audience, and I'm going to give it to him. I agreed because I find his talent refreshing. The young man can write and he doesn't even know it yet. He's got a big voice, with much to say and I respect that he wants to be heard. I think he could do this in his own blog space and I said so. He responded that he

There is only one man in my life who still has the ability to push my buttons and send me over the edge. Not one of my boys nor my very special friend can have me grinding my teeth and reaching for a stiff drink the way my father can. My relationship with my father has been a whirlwind of extremes. Right up to my sixth birthday I was daddy’s favorite girl. Then just like that something changed. By the time I was sixteen I’d declared him my worst enemy and he wasn’t too happy with me either. When I married the ex-hubby my father didn’t talk to me for three years, not even to say hello. Over the years daddy and I have established boundaries with each other that we know not to cross. It’s a very rare occasion that we bump heads and when we do we typically don’t bump heads but so hard, most especially since the old guy had his stroke. I know I haven’t been the greatest daughter but I’ve been more mindful about trying to be a good one. And just like that something changed, again. Nothing ma

Cheryl got caught up. The boyfriend had her thinking he was ready to take their relationship to the next level and she got caught up. Before she knew it she had allowed herself to imagine the what-ifs and the maybes. Cheryl started fiending after the fantasy and it felt good to her. Boyfriend even had the audacity to indulge her fantasies, playing pretend right along with her. But for Cheryl there was nothing pretend about the hope she’d put in the life time she had hoped to share with the man. She was seeking the reality and got herself caught right up in the want of it. When boyfriend asked her out of the blue why she was suddenly so obsessed with taking that next step, it was as if he’d burst her balloon and her joy juice was seeping out of it at warp speed. Her happy evaporated because it didn’t take much to understand that boyfriend wasn’t feeling the excitement that she had been feeling. He wasn’t caught up at all. Boyfriend wasn’t really ready or wanting what Cheryl was imaginin

Oh, my goodness! Where do I begin?! Despite a few bumps along the way my bachelor auction was very successful Saturday night. Although severe thunderstorms and torrential rains kept the crowds at bay, there were still a good number of diehard supporters who showed up to give the foundation their endorsement. I wish I could report that we made tons of money for future scholarships but unfortunately such was not the case. We’re still tallying the numbers but it would appear that we at least broke even, the bills got paid and the endowment fund has a nice start. I’ll take that. I know that we set a standard and that next year it will only be better. I also know that everyone who participated had an exceptional time. My volunteers were extraordinary and the folks who gathered to support us made the experience worthwhile. We partied until the wee hours of the morning and I am still trying to recover. I loved everything about this. I value each and every lesson I learned. I absolute

I once warned a man not to disappoint me. I don’t take kindly to disappointment. Too many years with a man who had no consideration for my feelings will do that to you. This man assured me I had nothing to worry about, making promises that he swore he could keep. He promised and I warned him. It didn’t take a hot minute before the excuses came. Suddenly what he assured me he would do, he couldn’t. He was apologetic, insisting that had it been possible he would have surely followed through on his assurances. Unfortunately for me, and through no fault of his own, stuff just happened. And just like that I didn’t have an ounce of umph for the brother. Men like him come and go and leaving is the best thing he will ever be able to do for me. I don’t have the time or energy for second chances. Disappoint me once and once is all you will ever have. But no one can say I didn’t give him fair warning.

Mark is a good guy. Most folks would say he is too good, unable to say no when it’s no that he should be saying. At least that’s what his girl Lisa thinks. Lisa’s a little miffed because every time Mark’s ex-wife calls for his time and attention he can’t ever seem to say no. Just this week, the ex needed to borrow something Mark had and Mark almost fell over himself getting it to her. Lisa had some serious issues with this. Mark says Lisa is making too much out of nothing. And maybe it would be nothing if Mark’s ex-wife wasn’t interested in reconciling their relationship. It would most definitely be nothing if the ex-wife had clearly moved on with her life. But the woman is still holding on to hope that she and Mark might make their thing a thing again. I can see where this might be a problem for Lisa since Mark doesn’t want to see anything wrong with it at all. Mark is playing with emotion that doesn’t need to be played with. Give a woman something to doubt and that uncertainty will r

Karen found herself sitting in a closet while her guy handled business with his ex-wife. Almost three years into a relationship and she is hiding in a closet so that there is no drama with her man’s baby mama. Already fragile, this was the straw that broke her spirit and sent her into a downward spiral. I couldn’t help but remember an editor who was reviewing a story submission. The female character had hit rock bottom and was struggling to find her way in the world. After reviewing the manuscript this female editor wrote back that no self-respecting woman would allow herself to be treated so miserably. I wrote back that no woman knows what she will allow until she is put into a situation that she has never been put in before. All women would hope that they react and do the right thing. Sometimes knowing what that might be isn’t so cut and dry. When that doorbell rang and boyfriend reacted, Karen reacted with him. He pointed to the closet and there she stood in wait. I only had one thi

Ask and you shall receive! I am in awe of all the incredible people who have stepped up to assist me with my fundraising endeavors and who have agreed to participate in our benefit auction. Donations have been rolling in and my earlier anxiety has been replaced with something so much sweeter. It’s been raining men, and a few women, and I am so excited that I am about to bust! Recently someone asked why I decided to do a Bachelor / Bachelorette auction. And the answer is simply that I wanted to do something different that would make people smile, connect unlikely liaisons and do a whole lot of good at the same time. So what have I learned in Fundraising 101 thus far? That this is going to be a wonderful event. That I may actually pull this off with relatively few glitches. That it may take us a penny at a time to reach the lofty goals I've set but I'm confident that we will get there. That I’m gaining invaluable information to use the next time around. And most importantly, I’m

The young brother fancies himself to be a wise soul of sorts. His youthful wisdom has, at times, provoked much thought. His attentive ear and compassionate spirit opens him up to much drama, other people bending his ear for sage advice. I eavesdropped on a conversation he was having with an acquaintance, a young friend whose heart had been broken by a philandering boy. The girl dropped her burdens on the young brother's shoulders enlisting his support and encouragement. Not knowing what to do, if anything at all, girlfriend was wanting the young brother to tell her where next she should turn. "You're a pretty girl," he asserted firmly. "Pretty inside and out, and if he can't see that then he doesn't deserve you. But we don't know what we have until it's gone. Now that you're not there all the time he has finally realized what he has lost. But you can't let one person from your past hold you back from your future. You might run into the per

Sitting by my grandmother’s bedside I was remembering moments in time when I had more questions than I had answers, when nothing made sense and everything seemed reasonable. She use to sit at the kitchen table, in the dark, drinking alone. I would wonder why but I didn’t dare ask. Her glass would be heavy with the dark umber of a bitter bourbon or scotch, whatever her preference was at that moment. Sadly, when she drank, she could be cruel and I knew better than to incite her wrath. But I couldn’t help but wonder why she drank alone. Sitting there, remembering, I couldn’t stop myself from asking. I was actually surprised when she answered. “You remember that?” “I do.” “Drinking took the weight off.” “I don’t understand.” “The weight of the world. Drinking took it off my shoulders.” “Were things that bad for you?” “Not things, baby. Usually just a man.” “All of them?” “Most of them.” “Enough to make you drink?” “Enough to make me want to stop the train and get off this ride for as long

Wow! I am in awe of this place I have found myself in. Double WOW! I have had my hands full for some time now. Finishing two books and meeting my deadlines have been at the top of my to-do list. Putting together a kick-ass fundraiser has also been way, way up there. And then suddenly, drama decided to make a pit stop at my front door. First, I had an issue with a relative. The woman pushed my last button and she doesn’t know just how badly I want to whoop her extremely wide behind. I still might if she doesn’t get her head out of the crack of her behind and recognize that family is about other people and not the world revolving solely around her. My mother defended her actions by saying she is “going through some stuff”. I had to remind my mother that we all are and our relative’s “stuff” doesn’t’ even begin to compare. Our “stuff” got thrown at us without warning. The relative has been picking up her “stuff” by choice and she didn’t have to make the decisions she made. She had options