Monday, December 27, 2010


So, I started the whole exercise and diet thing a little early. I figured there was no point in waiting until January 2nd to get started since I’m typically done and finished by January 30th. I’m thinking if I switch it up and start a little early, I might be inclined to do good for a little bit longer.

And I’m really not dieting. I’m invoking a “lifestyle change”. Toward that goal I’m determined to make exercise FUN for the New Year because I hate to exercise with a passion. Sweating is only good during really great sex NOT while looking foolish on a treadmill or whatever other gym apparatus I’m inclined to pretend I know how to use.

So, a month or so ago I started taking line dance classes. And I am having an absolute blast! I am whole-heartedly uncoordinated, have strained muscles that I have no business using, and have laughed until my stomach has hurt. The instructor, a delightful woman named Leigh, is incredible! She has slowly maneuvered my two left feet into a left foot and a right one and I actually know which to move when. I am taking my Electric Slide obsession to a whole other level!

I’ve been inviting family and friends to join and come have fun with me because it has just been the best time. The dance class is supported by a wonderful group called the Bull City Sliders. They are all incredibly talented dancers, totally helpful to all us newbies, and fun to watch. They showcased this particular dance number (see YouTube video below) at the Southeast’s largest line dance party this past July and they’re already in the studio prepping for the 2011 event which will be held in Atlanta.

Next on my list is pole dancing. That's right. I'm going to learn how to work me a pole!! Then I'm gonna buy one (a pole, that is) for the house and I might be inclined to take my newly acquired skills to the club if I get real good! Those classes start in January. I figure there is no point in wasting the assets God blessed me with. By the end of the 2011 year I’m determined to step it, drop it, swing it, twist it, and have me one hell of a good time while I do.

Friday, December 24, 2010


Dear Santa,

So it’s been a while since I last wrote you a letter. It was the early 1970’s if I recall when I asked for a pony for the third time and for the third time didn’t wake up to find one in the back yard. The third time, not that I was counting or anything. I don’t hold a grudge but I think you should know, for future reference of course, that a Chatty Patty doll does not measure up when a girl is expecting a pony. Neither does a dishwasher when you’re wanting diamonds and wool socks from Wally World when you kind of had your hopes on Broadway tickets. But hey, I’m sure with all the letters you have to read each year and all of the requests that you get, meeting everyone’s expectations is a bit of a challenge for you and some things are bound to get missed.

With all the things happening in the news lately that peace on earth, good will toward men thing seems to be kind of a hit or miss for you as well and I know plenty of other folks have been asking for that too each and every year. But hey, I get that there’s only so much that you can do. I can just imagine that you’ve got your hands full trying to reel them elves in with all that eggnog being guzzled and I won’t even get started on the reindeer. Bright nose my behind! Rudolph may want to try a 12-step program for what ails him!

But I digress! Santa, I’ve been in a bah humbug kind of mood. It’s been a little chilly down here in the South and you know I’m not a fan of cold weather. You can drop a dusting of snow on Christmas morning, just for effect but keep the bulk of it up there where you are. Trust me when I tell you it really won’t be missed. It doesn’t need to be eighty degrees but below freezing isn’t working either. And if you can’t swing that, two round trip tickets to an island paradise (all expenses paid, of course) would work nicely.

I’m thinking, Santa that I’m probably sitting on both your naughty and your nice lists this year. You know how I tend to do things! So when you’re doing that checking it twice thing and you think you’re seeing double when you run across my name, don’t sweat it. I’ve earned every ounce of that coal you have for me because I have had a very good year being as bad as I wanna be! Just throw in one of those fancy grills for the deck this summer too and I think it will all balance out nicely.

Look at you with your rosy cheeks, just blushing! At least when I was being bad, I was very good at it. And I’m just saying!

But I really just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas, Santa and to tell you that I’m over that pony that you never brought me. I’m riding Stallions now. Big ones. And I already have one of my own. A stallion that is. A girl didn’t want to risk you getting it wrong. Again. And I’m trying really, really hard to be really, really good to him. Even though he kind of likes it when I’m bad. But that’s a whole other letter for another time. I might even write a book about it.

So, keep doing what you do best, big guy! And by the way, you’re still looking good in your Santa suit. What did you lose? Ten, fifteen pounds? It’s a good thing too because they’re not making chimneys like they use to.

Yours truly,
Still singin’ and swingin’ and getting’ merry like Christmas,


Saturday, December 18, 2010


I have the holiday blahs. I was determined that this year would be different. There was going to be a tree and decorations and the baking of Christmas cookies and all those things that I have very fond memories of. I am so far from bringing those warm reflections to fruition that it’s like a wide divide of one big ass mountain between the want and the reality. Right now I am just ready for Christmas to be over.

Sitting in reflection today I realized that I am just emotionally exhausted. It has truly been a long year. So long and exhausting that I am just too darn tired to think about any holiday spirit. Fortunately, I know that this too will soon pass and me and Old Saint Nick both will be right back to our usual holiday tricks. At least that’s what I am hoping will happen.

Recently I took a trip to Columbus, Georgia to see my baby boy graduate from OSUT training. I am now the immensely proud parent of a United States Army Infantryman. As a parent, there is such a sense of accomplishment when you can witness your child not only do well, but excel at something they want for themselves. There is also great satisfaction in hearing them speak of their life goals and to know that they actually have a viable plan to attain those goals.

I have always been overwhelmingly proud of my son, even when he was challenging my last nerve. He is a young man with a beautiful spirit. He has an exceptional sense of humor and is keenly intelligent. He has never been materialistic or vain. I don’t think he has ever met a stranger and he lives by a code of conduct and honor that made the military the perfect fit for him. He is a man of great integrity. Like most parents experience, we had our period of rebellion where he floundered miserably, but I was fortunate that it was a very short period and he quickly recognized the error of his ways. If he hadn’t, I would have had to break his pretty little neck and I really didn’t want to do that. As he paraded across the field at the National Infantry Museum and Soldier Center, I knew that I had done good and he will do even better.

Next up for baby boy is Jump School. On his quest to be a member of one of the Army’s most elite corps he needs to be airborne-qualified. Next up for me is how to make Christmas happen since there is no way for me to stop it from coming all-together. Figuring out the New Year and my own goals is also on tap. I have a few jumps of my own to make and need my own wings to fly. It would seem that my son and I both have our challenges ahead of us.

Monday, December 13, 2010


He was only days old when his father laid him in her arms. He wrinkled his little face as if he were about to cry and then he just snuggled down into her arms and drifted back to sleep. In that moment he became her world, her lifeline to something she didn’t even know she needed.

They grew up together. She mothered him to the best of her ability, delighting in every one of his accomplishments. She was there for his first steps, his first words, more firsts than he will ever know. She was also there for the insanity between his father and the mother that birthed him, the duo so consumed with their own frustrations and anger that they sometimes forgot their precious baby boy and how their abuse of each other impacted the family around them.

But she refused to forget. He was her heart and she had fallen in love with him the day his father laid him in her arms.

He is now a man and the passing of time has not been kind to them. The baby she once held as her own is estranged from her, the two of them casualties of a war that was not of their making. Too much time has passed in silence, things that should have been said gone unspoken.

But what has not changed is him having her heart like no other. Because she fell in love with him when he was only days old.