Wednesday, December 31, 2008
WISDOM FOR 2009
1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R’s: Respect for self, Respect for others, Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great relationship.
7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and look back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Eartha Kitt, the sultry-voiced songstress, actress and dancer who went from the South Carolina cotton fields to international award-winning stardom, has died at the age of 81.
During her lifetime, Ms. Kitt, a self-proclaimed “sex kitten”, purred her way into the hearts of many with versatile performances that won her two Emmys and a third nomination. She had also been nominated for several Tony Awards and two Grammys.
The woman was pure fire and ice, outspoken and unapologetic for her opinions and sexy as hell without even trying. She was the picture of vitality and I once heard her described as a woman who every man wished he could have and every woman wished she could be like. Don’t tell, but Eartha Kitt ignited my love of most things European and inspired my own deep, alto intonation and sultry swagger as I strived to emulate her grace and elegance.
Many of our young starlets today could learn a thing or two from Ms. Kitt. She will be sorely missed by many. Goodbye, Ms. Eartha...
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
May you each have a safe and blessed holiday and y'all know I couldn't kick off my Christmas vacation without sharing some holiday entertainment. I never get enough of the big guy!!!
Drop it like it's hot, Santa Baby!!!!
Just click the red button, enter your name in the little box, then click the arrow to start. ENJOY!
Friday, December 19, 2008
Facebook.com has become my nemesis. I’m sure most of you know that Facebook is this free-access, social-networking website started by this Harvard kid who thought Harvard kids needed a way to communicate with each other. Then he opened it to other colleges and high schoolers who had nothing better to do and eventually the rest of us old people joined in.
I initially joined thinking it would be a great promotional tool to network with fans and friends about my books. It has, instead, become this absurd playground that I find myself continually drawn to.
Currently, my most favorite thing to do on Facebook.com is FASHION WARS, a game designed by a company called Zynga. Fashion Wars is this fun, addictive, diverson that just enables me to waste massive amounts of time when I should be writing. Buying myself a diamond Benz with all that cash I’m making though is just far more entertaining.
And then my son turned me on to Pokey! Pokey! is another interactive game that allows you to adopt the cutest little puppy. Then you have to take care of it and it barks at you and you get to rub its tummy and there’s no poop to clean up! I adopted a very manly Rottweiler puppy that I named Biscuit. (ISN'T HE JUST THE CUTEST!!!) The problem I have now is friends have adopted puppies too but nobody is feeding and watering their pups and I’m having issues. The least of which is I probably need to be committed somewhere for a psych evaluation!
I also joined this book thing on Facebook too, but I haven’t played with it yet. I mean, like really. It’s books, right? I’m such a bad author!!
Either way, I’m having fun. Friends are invited to join in so if you’re so inclined, search for me on Facebook.com. I’m always adding friends and you’ll definitely get invited to join my Fashion entourage.
Have a great weekend!!!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Roshawn watched as he slowly sauntered in her direction. He stopped as he reached the edge of the dance floor, his gaze still entwined tightly with hers. He gestured with his forefinger, beckoning her toward him. Theirs was a silent conversation as Roshawn rose from her seat and made a path through the crowded dance floor to meet him halfway, her movements enticingly slow. The moment was surreal as Roshawn focused on nothing but Angel, and the sultry, hedonistic rendition of “Drift Away” billowing through the room.
Still hungry? Why settle for a just a taste. Click HERE and enjoy!
Shannon was having prowl anxiety. Guilt was spoiling her good time, big time. Shannon’s body language wasn’t giving off anything that said come hither. Her whole demeanor was screaming serious attitude instead.
Shannon told me she had a man. But her man was busy with other things and other people and always too busy for Shannon. To hear her tell it her man didn’t get up thinking about her in the morning or planning how they might spend their time. Her man thought about her when and if he had a few minutes left in his day and nothing else to do with his time. Shannon estimated that in a seven-day week they spent an average of six hours in each other’s company. Sex happened once, maybe twice, per month if she were lucky. She’d lost count of the number of dinner invitations that had been disregarded, the man not bothering to show up or showing up late, and their telephone calls had become less than amusing.
Shannon didn’t know how other couples did it, having no point of reference and so she asked. Was she wrong to want the guy she wanted to want her back? Seeing the hurt in her eyes I was reminded of my own journey when I thought desperate times called for desperate measures. When being one half of a couple felt worse than being single and alone ever did.
I explained to Shannon that her guilt came from not being honest with herself and her man about her feelings. She was unhappy but she was unwilling to say so. She was also looking for a bandage to ease the hurt of that unhappy. Clearly, boy toy winking his eye at her from across the room might make her forget how bad she was feeling but by the time her night was over, he’d be gone and she’d be right back where she’d started from.
Shannon’s boyfriend had her heart although we could argue whether or not he deserved it. But nothing about him or her was going to get better until she was ready to deal with what was wrong between them. Prowling for attention might have looked like it had its advantages but prowling still had Shannon feeling alone.
Friday, December 12, 2008
My brilliant photographer friend, Ross Oscar Knight has this uncanny knack of giving me both, his work eloquently expounding the full magnitude of the human spirit. His visuals are so overwhelmingly breathtaking that I am reminded to view this world with all of my senses least I miss the embodiment of so many colors and textures. As I may have said before, he does with a camera what I strive to do with words.
Though we have never met, I consider Ross and his beautiful wife friends because he so readily allows us into his world, to partake of his experiences, and to share in his many blessings. He is also wise beyond his years and he just seems like a really decent guy. He brings me joy with the sheer magnitude of his talent and he makes it all look so darn pretty. Who wouldn't want to have someone like that for a friend?
As you roll into your weekend, enjoy this Ross Oscar Knight experience. I know I surely did! JOY & BEAUTY
And don't just look at the pictures. Make sure you play the slideshow too!!!!
Christmas came early and it was surprising and unexpected. I learned yesterday that my last book, Tame a Wild Stallion, has been nominated for the Reviewers’ Choice Award, Best Series Romance Novel 2008 from Romantic Times BOOKreviews. I also learned from my editor that both my Stallion books have sold out.
Earlier this week I was in angst about my career and panicked about my writing. I was concerned with whether or not writing would help pay the bills as we entered the New Year. I was feeling like my so-called career was truly out of my hands and not within my control to know whether or not things would go well for me. Y’all know it was just a few weeks back that I was bemoaning the two year window that would lapse between my last book and my next. I understood that no matter what I thought I could do, all I could truly do was write and pray. And pray some more. Inevitably, the rest would have to take care of itself. And when I let go, Christmas came early.
This had been a year of many blessings for me. The royalties didn’t roll in like water but the lights are still on and there is food in the fridge. My new dress might be rehabilitated from the consignment shop but it’s new to me. Cupid slammed one door shut, but he widely opened another and ushered me right inside. Love has truly been abundant and consuming. And no matter what my trials or tribulations have been, I can testify that my God is good all the time and he has truly been good to me.
It has been an exceptionally good week.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
The good-looking man suddenly jumped as if startled, his gaze locking tightly with hers. He stared at her boldly, appraising every square inch of her with obvious appreciation before lifting his mouth in a deep smile, nodding his head slowly in greeting. The silent exchange of eye contact spoke volumes, whispering promises Talisa suddenly found disconcerting. As a wave of recognition swept over her, nervous energy filled the pit of her stomach. She stood frozen, staring intently as the man slowly crossed the floor in her direction. Turning a quick gaze to the door, Talisa saw Leila and Mya waiting at the entrance, both staring curiously. Benita still stood chatting with the football player on the other side of the room.
Jericho Becton stopped directly in front of Talisa, smiling warmly. Standing well over six feet tall, he was dressed in an expensive black tuxedo. With his long and lean stature, the formal suit fit him to perfection. His thick hair, the color of black licorice, was pulled into a neat ponytail that hung down his back, stopping just below the line of his shoulder blades. Contrasting nicely against his rich, caramel complexion, his bright white smile washed over her, and Talisa suddenly found herself tongue-tied.
He extended a well-manicured hand. “Hello, my name’s Jericho Becton. Have we met before? You look very familiar.”
Talisa smiled back and shook her head, her gaze sweeping over the man’s face. Her name being called pulled at her attention and she glanced from Jericho to Mya and back again. She stammered, searching for her words, lost in the sensation of her small hand lost in the soft, warm palm of his.
“I…I was just…thinking the same…thing,” she finally managed to say, the room seeming to spin in a slow circle around her.
The man nodded, his head slowly bobbing up and down against his broad shoulders. “You didn’t look like you were having a good time,” Jericho said, his gaze flitting toward the newscaster and back.
Talisa smiled, a sweet bend to her mouth that made Jericho suddenly want to kiss the sugar from her lips. The sudden thought sent a chill throughout his body, a quiver of energy that set his nerve endings on fire.
“You were watching me,” Talisa asked coyly, her own excitement shining brightly from her dark eyes. Her hand was still lost beneath the clasp of his.
“I couldn’t help myself,” the man answered, his voice dropping into a seductive whisper.
Talisa finally pulled the appendage back, dropping her palm to her abdomen. The deep tone of his voice seemed to swallow her whole, her control lost somewhere in the depths of his intense stare. She inhaled a deep breath, willing the oxygen to calm her nerves….
…Jericho nodded, his intoxicating smile still caressing every nerve ending in her body. “Well, it was very nice to meet you, Miss?...”
Talisa’s own head bobbed up and down. “London. Talisa London.”
Jericho’s gaze brushed warmth over her. Talisa felt as if she were on fire beneath his stare. “It’s nice to meet you, Miss London. I hope we’ll get an opportunity to talk more later.”
Talisa continued nodding, then turned on her very high heels to catch up with her friends. Behind her she could feel Jericho still staring, his ocean-blue eyes calling her back to him.
Monday, December 08, 2008
It the second and final week of the Santa Baby 2008 Virtual Book Tour and I'm up next with my presentation of To Love a Stallion at AllTheBuzzReviews.com. Y'all know I just had to plug my Stallion men with their pretty selves! So click here, My Presentation and enjoy. I can't wait to hear what you think.
And don't miss the rest of the week with the other great readings. Here's the schedule so, please, show them some love and have a great, great time.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008 - Farrah Rochon’s presentation of “A Change of Heart” in Holiday Inn at TheGRITS.com Virtual Book Tour
Wednesday, December 10, 2008 - Stefanie Worth’s presentation of “Can You Believe” inHoliday Inn at AllTheBuzzReviews.com
Thursday, December 11, 2008 - Bettye Griffin’s presentation of Once Upon a Project at TheGRITS.com Virtual Book Tour
Friday, December 12, 2008 - Andrea Jackson’s presentation of Who’s That Lady at AllTheBuzzReviews.com
Enjoy this final week’s tour!
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
I certainly hope you all are enjoying the start of the Santa Baby 2008 Virtual Book Tour as much as I am. Authors Donna Hill, Niobia Bryant and Dyanne Davis have brought some serious heat for your listening pleasure. I can't wait to see what the rest of the ladies have to offer.
Here's this week's schedule. Dyanne's on tap today but if you missed Donna or Niobia, make sure you go back and catch up. It's well worth it! Just click here The Grits.com Literary Service or here, All The Buzz Reviews, then sit back and enjoy the ride!
Monday, December 1, 2008 - Donna Hill’s presentation of Seduction and Lies (Mature Audience)
Tuesday, December 2, 2008 - Niobia Bryant’s presentation of Make You Mine (Mature Audience)
Wednesday, December 3, 2008 - Dyanne Davis’ presentation of “A Continental Divide” in Lotus Blossom Chronicles, Book 2
Thursday, December 4, 2008 - Gwynne Forster’s presentation of A Different Kind of Blues
Friday, December 5, 2008 - Gwyneth Bolton’s presentation of The Law of Desire
Enjoy the tour!
Alone, I spend much time surfing the internet, following behind favored authors like a lovesick puppy. I maneuver from blog site to blog site, track book titles and reviews, anxiously seeking out words of wisdom or rants of the moment. One author in particular held my attention on a daily basis. Her introspections were thought-provoking and humorous. She was opinionated and unapologetic for being so. It was a joy to read her words and to know that she spoke from a place all of us writers, black female writers in particular, know so well.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
For over 26 years the ex-hubby never attended family functions. Correction. He never attended MY family functions. I can literally count on one hand the number of times he graced my family with his presence and I’d still have three fingers left over. This past summer at the family reunion, an elderly aunt asked me when I planned to marry. When I told her I’d recently gotten divorced she looked at me as if I’d lost my mind. The women gathered at her side had no recollection of any marriage involving me and another party and none of them had never ever met the man. Amazingly, within my own family ranks, those who knew he actually existed were far and few between.
I vowed that I would never again involve myself with a man who had no interest in socializing with my family. I don’t expect that every weekend and every holiday should be with my kin folk but there would need to be a willingness to at least sit across the table and break bread with them every now and again.
I understand that balancing two families can be a chore but I would hope that celebrating with one side and not the other wouldn't have to be the decision of choice. One reason I so readily cooked and hosted the holiday meals in the past was to bring our two families together to prevent the dissention that going elsewhere would surely have brought.
An acquaintance wasn’t totally happy with her holiday experience. She had hoped her boyfriend would at least stop by her parent’s home to say hello before they continued on to his family’s home for the holiday meal. She wasn't expecting him to stay for any length of time, but to just acknowledge the invitation that they had extended when they'd so graciously invited him to their home. Instead, he bypassed her folks altogether, not even suggesting they stop by for a quick hello.
I could only commiserate so much because I didn’t understand why, if that was what she wanted, she didn’t just make the suggestion herself and move on. She explained however that she didn’t want him to feel pressured and it had become clear over the past year, with each invitation that he'd disregarded or made excuses for, that her man wasn’t much interested in her family. I explained that there should have been no pressure in simply voicing what she wanted and that a man not much interested in her family wasn’t much interested in her.
I had much to be thankful for this year and I was much thankful for a perfect holiday that involved lots of family, lots of love, and a very special friend who made the whole experience one I’ll always remember. I could not have asked for anything more.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Naomi walks the streets talking to herself. Her conversations always seem heated as she gestures with her hands, her head waving excitedly from side to side. Naomi never seems to notice the odd stares and deep frowns people toss in her direction. If you catch her eye she will be your friend, racing to your side to ask for a dollar to buy herself a meal. Naomi is always hungry and I suspect that what Naomi yearns for has little to do with a hot biscuit and cup of coffee.
Naomi rushed in to the store today to exchange four quarters for a dollar bill. Then she asked for two to tide her over for the holiday. Naomi was excited about her future. She’s headed to prison in a few short days to serve time for a number of charges. The only one she proudly claims is her drunk and disorderly conviction. Naomi was excited because it’s cold outside and in prison she’ll get three square meals per day and a blanket and bed at night.
“Gots ta’ be thankful!” Naomi proclaimed excitedly. “God is good,” she concluded as she waved goodbye, promising to come visit again as soon as she got out of jail. Naomi was grinning broadly, her face brimming with joy, gratitude shimmering from her eyes.
Naomi is grateful that prison will move her from the streets to a place with four walls and a cot. Watching her skip across the parking lot, waving excitedly at strangers as she shouted out Thanksgiving greetings, moved me to tears.
I called a friend to tell her about my experience with Naomi. Glenda was headed out of town, anxious to be as far from holiday cheer as she can get. She lost a cherished family member many years back and the holidays no longer hold any joy for her. Glenda will once again spend her holiday mourning her losses as she sits alone on some island getaway. She couldn't fathom that there are people in her life who want to share in her many blessings this year and have her share in theirs.
As you gather around your pretty tables with family and friends this season, be ever so mindful of all those little blessings that we sometimes take for granted. Few of us were privileged to have had an easy time this year. Most of us are still suffering through our individual hardships, understanding that we still have a long way to go. But even Naomi recognizes that there is always something to be grateful for. I wish my my dear friend Glenda could.
Happy Thanksgiving! May you each have a safe and blessed holiday.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
We rationalized that loneliness can be a cruel companion if you allow it to be. It can wear down your energy and beat away your spirit. Recognizing that loneliness isn’t about being alone is that light bulb moment when you have to admit that you’re not only unsatisfied with the people in your life, but that you’re also unsatisfied with yourself. Getting over loneliness begins with learning how to enjoy your own solitude. It’s about being confident with who you are, how you feel, and what you want for yourself. It's also about knowing who you want to share yourself with.
Both Kelly and I acknowledged that loneliness can move a person to look for illogical amusements. But temptations like drugs and alcohol only leave you numb, and meaningless sex becomes easy and empty. They almost always leave you unsatisfied, still craving something more meaningful that will make you feel whole and confident.
Reflecting back on our lives and our own moments of loneliness we both recognized that we’ve come a long way. Being alone no longer invokes feelings of doom and catastrophe, when being alone feels like a death sentence. Neither of us is desperate for attention or camaraderie. Not like before.
But we admit to still having our moments when companionship is missed and there are moments of longing. We’re proud that we’ve made great progress but we admit…we still have our moments.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Now she’s confused and having doubts. Ginger proclaimed to the world that she might have actually made a mistake but it was too late to go back. I’m thinking that maybe Ginger should have thought about that before she pulled that other man and other people into her mess. And it has truly become one hell of a mess with battle lines being drawn and threats of war raging in the air.
The men caught up in Ginger’s mess are both naive, believing they’re the best and only for my girl. I, on the other hand, know they could both do better than Ginger if they were so inclined. I couldn’t help but note the lies Ginger so readily tells her baby-daddy, knowing that if she’ll lie to one, she will surely lie to the other. She’s telling them both just what they want to hear and not an ounce of it is based on truth. Sadly, neither man seems to have a clue.
I am remembering when a friend once told me to “never underestimate the power of the pussy!” It was her contention that pussy, in the hands of the wrong woman, could make the most intelligent man brain dead and bring him to his knees. Ginger is clearly that kind of woman, manipulating the two with the power of some pussy.
Ginger’s young, and dumb. Big words throw her for a loop and she’s perfectly content being barefoot and pregnant. I wanted to feel sorry for Ginger but I don’t. It’s becoming more and more apparent that Ginger knew full well what she was doing when she did it. One man wasn’t bringing the gravy to the table. Ginger has high hopes that the other will.
But sitting on the outside looking in, I can see something Ginger can’t. Something Ginger never bargained on. You see, boyfriend has a mother with experience Ginger can’t begin to touch. Boyfriend’s mama isn’t taking kindly to the mess Ginger has pulled her son into. Ginger has made herself an enemy and she doesn’t even know it yet. But she’ll soon learn that there’s not enough pussy power in the world that can keep a pissed off mother from trying to protect her baby boy. Hell will seem like a luxury vacation if mama goes on the warpath. I’m just hoping Ginger won’t have to learn that the hard way.
Friday, November 14, 2008
For those of you who are basking in the sexual revolution, getting your groove back or your freak on, be mindful. What you can do on the east coast of these here United States, might not be tolerable on the west coast.
Did you know it’s illegal to engage in oral sex in the following states: Alabama, Arizona, Florida, Idaho, Kansas, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Mississippi, Georgia, North and South Carolina, Oklahoma, Oregon, Rhode Island, Utah, Virginia and Washington D.C.? (I’m sorry, baby, but we’ll have to move if you want me to lick your lollipop!!)
And don’t be getting’ your man all hot and bothered behind these here borders because it’s illegal for your man’s erection to show through his clothing in these states: Arizona, Florida, Idaho, Indiana, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Nebraska, Nevada, New York, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, Vermont, Washington D.C. and Wisconsin. (Really officer, I’m not happy, that’s a gun in my pocket. I swear!)
If you’re in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, don’t have sex with a truck driver in a tollbooth. It’s jail time for you if you do. (Now, you might be able to get around that one if you’re actually in a truck!)
It’s also illegal to have sex without a condom in Nevada.
Pity the poor girls in Willowdale, Oregon. Hubby can’t talk dirty in his wife’s ear during sex least he risk being arrested. (Yes, Judge, and then he starting moaning, "Oh, baby! Mud, slime, dust! I never heard such filth, your Honor!)
And for those of you in Newcastle, Wyoming, your fantasy of having sex in a butcher shop’s meat freezer is out of the question ‘cause the law says you can’t do the deed in the vicinity of frozen beef. (And I know that one was on the top of your fantasy list!)
So, if you’re traveling out and about and the moment should suddenly move you, tread on the side of caution. Don’t video tape a thing and deny it all.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Sadly, one of my favorite performers, Miriam Makeba, the South African singer with the sultry voice that was at times like liquid gold passed away. Ms. Makeba was 76 years old and a true product of her environment. Her music reflected her experiences and it has touched my spirit many times since I discovered her some twenty years ago.
She was banned from her home country for more than thirty years under apartheid but she persevered, building a phenomenal musical career that touched millions. Nelson Mandela has said in a statement that, "her haunting melodies gave voice to the pain of exile and dislocation which she felt for 31 long years. At the same time, her music inspired a powerful sense of hope in all of us."
She was on stage, doing what she loved most as she performed in Italy when she collapsed. My deepest condolences to her family and friends. She will be dearly missed.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Saturday, November 01, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Felicia couldn’t read between the lines when she wanted to share and her man said no, or hemmed and hawed his way out of responding to her requests. Felicia took his silences and distance, believing that it was okay for him to be busy with other things and other people when he didn’t ever seem to want to be busy with her.
Felicia needed to catch a clue. Felicia never stopped to consider that she deserved whole days and not just a few minutes of her man’s time. She never stopped to think that her man should have wanted to shower her with kisses, and hugs. Felicia couldn’t fathom that she deserved more from the man who claimed to love her. Felicia didn't understand that she should have demanded better than her man seemed able or willing to give.
Not until another man, interested in Felicia’s time and attention, pointed it out to her.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
My very special friend does not “fight”. He "discusses". There is no name calling, nothing filling with hate, no accusations. He makes his point and he moves on. Done and finished with the issue. Meanwhile I’m still readying myself for the blowup, feeling completely out of sorts when all is said and done. Only once was I reduced to tears and only because I was so frustrated by not being able to navigate my way through.
“Discussions” are proving to be a challenge for me. My verbal skills leave much to be desired. Put a pen and piece of paper in front of me and I have no problems expressing the emotions. Sit me down across a table and expect me to debate the topic and I shut down. Thankfully, my friend and I have only had two major “discussions” with each other. Both were resolvable but both times I found myself shutting down. And both times he refused to let me.
So, I’m learning. I know this writer guy who frequently blogs about his relationship with his new wife. It would seem that the two bicker and fight a lot. So much so I sometimes question how they manage to find any peace with each other. Their battles are almost always reduced to name calling. For me, that would be the kiss of death for a relationship.
Hopefully there won't be a whole lot of "discussions" for me to have to manuever. But when and if I have to, I hope I’ll do better because I'm learning.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Catastrophic change came twice in my life. The first time was when I entered my marriage. I was seventeen. The ex-hubby was considerably older. I was running far and fast from an abusive situation that I didn’t believe I could tell anyone about. I ran to where I believed things could be different. I entered the marriage for the wrong reasons at a point where I had yet to discover a single, solitary thing of value about myself.
And change came. But it was nothing like I imagined or wanted for myself. I endured for over twenty-eight years in a relationship that became toxic to my spirit. I found myself existing and not truly living my life. Toward the end I was a mere shadow of the woman I knew I could be. And so I fought tooth and nail for change.
Leaving my marriage was the second catastrophic change to come into my life. I was suddenly challenged to discover and get to know this woman who stared back at me from my mirror in the mornings. And once again I experienced fear. This deep, gut-wrenching panic about where I was going and how I was going to get there. And for the first time since forever I was totally and completely alone and I was lonely.
Loneliness when you have a room full of family and friends can be devastating. But with family and friends you have the hope that things can be better and that loneliness might disappear. Loneliness when you have no one is simply debilitating because there is no hope to hold on to.
I’ve discovered much about Deborah. Most of it has been good. Much of it can be improved upon. Change has been good to me and even better for me but it has been nothing like I imagined or believed I wanted.
This past year and a half I have been blessed with many moments of overwhelming joy but I've come to realize that I’m still yearning and searching for something I haven’t yet found. It hit me as I was driving home from a friend’s in the wee hours of an early morning that for all the joy I’ve come to know I still have overwhelming periods of sadness and loneliness. And I still feel very much alone.
I’m still pretending to be well when nothing really is. I’m still lying to myself and others, trying to make all my circles fit into everyone else’s squares. And they don’t fit. I don’t fit. And I feel guilty because my many moments of overwhelming joy should be enough for a woman who’s never had any before. But they’re not and I’m desperate to figure out why.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Y’all want the good news or the bad news?
Based on history I presumed my next book would be released the earlier part of next year. It made sense to me most especially when agents and editors had to give me a swift kick to get them the manuscript ASAP and they got it.
Today, I reconfirmed my release date ‘cause y’all have been emailing and asking and I’ve been telling you February 2009 because that's what I was led to believe.
But today I was corrected. I was told that the next Stallion book would be released in May, not February. At first I was like, okay, three additional months, no problem. Then I reread the message. May 2010, not 2009!! That’s right, two years from now May. I got this explanation about schedules and things being completely booked for the 2009 year and the excuse list goes on.
So, unless something changes, it would now appear that there will be a full two-year window between my last Stallion book and my next Stallion book.
Maybe it's just me but I feel like me and the Stallion boys have just been given the kiss of death. If this doesn’t send my so-called career spiraling straight to hell I don’t know what else will. So much for all that damn numbers building I was supposed to be doing because it seems that there is no issue crashing and burning whatever progress has already been made. So who cares if in 2009 folks are asking, Deborah, who? Is she new? Stallion, what? Do I remember them? Hell, we all know how easy it is for a writer to pick up the pieces after a lengthy hiatus and start all over again. I'm sure my fan base will just be standing around ready to pick right up where I left them at. Who am I kidding.
And that was the good news. I told them to keep the bad. News worse than that may very well send me over the edge.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
My, my, my, my, my....
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
I have raised five male children. I have to acknowledge that my parenting skills changed considerably with my youngest son. My baby boy didn’t get the same “tough love” his brothers experienced. The love he got was no less than theirs, but he was clearly spoiled more than them. That lack of “tough” love has not served him well.
After the success I’ve seen my older boys attain, I was not prepared for my baby boy to cause me any angst as he approached adulthood. I was not prepared because he was a model child, never causing me an ounce of grief. But my child is now causing me much anxiety and it dawned on me today that I am very much responsible.
Kids make mistakes. Lord knows I made more than my fair share. But my son seems to be racking up mishaps like he’s collecting trading cards. His last disasters have cost me much money and put me in a seriously compromising position with people who respect and trust my judgment. What galls me most is the kid is walking around like he doesn’t have a clue just how this has devastated me. He has shrugged it off, mulling along like throwing away money, time, and trust is no big deal.
And through it all I have been keep trying to make excuses for him. Today, however, the last straw snapped every ounce of my resolve away. I have to own as much of his mess as he does. I allowed him to continue to make mistakes because I didn’t put my foot far enough up his narrow behind for him to get a clue. Today though, he saw another side to dear old Mom and it wasn’t’ pretty. Right now my knee cap is firmly implanted in his colon and I might not see my toes again until they’re tickling the back of his throat.
I have been my child’s greatest liability. I own that. I have not clearly detailed my expectations of him. I gave him more slack than he should have ever had. But him trying to find himself has taxed my very last nerve. He is still young and there is much life ahead of him. He will not however weigh me down one minute longer to get where he needs to go. He may fall and I will offer the best advice I can to get him back up and on his feet but I will no longer lift him and stand him up like he is incapable of doing so for himself. Not allowing him to crash and burn when he’s been jetting out of control didn’t do him an ounce of good. He has grown comfortable knowing that no matter what, Mommy will pick up the pieces and make it all better.
Well, no more.
This mommy loves her baby boy beyond reason. But newsflash, kiddo, the Mommy Band-Aid store is officially out of business.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Monday, September 08, 2008
You must respect the other’s differences.
Communication is KEY!
Every minute of the experience will be a learning experience.
The unarguable truth will never fail you.
Do nothing if it comes with an expectation of reciprocation.
Know how to forgive.
Know your own expectations.
Admit your mistakes and don’t hesitate to apologize.
Friday, August 29, 2008
"America, we cannot turn back. Not with so much work to be done. Not with so many children to educate, and so many veterans to care for. Not with an economy to fix and cities to rebuild and farms to save. Not with so many families to protect and so many lives to mend. America, we cannot turn back. We cannot walk alone. At this moment, in this election, we must pledge once more to march into the future. Let us keep that promise - that American promise - and in the words of Scripture hold firmly, without wavering, to the hope that we confess."
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Michelle Obama has become a very public figure and has accepted the role of aspiring First Lady with sheer grace. She has also accepted the uncomfortable scrutiny that comes with that responsibility. Since her husband announced his candidacy, she has taken some serious flack. I bet the conversation between the two to make that decision, as well as the subsequent conversations as the last few months have unfolded have been quite interesting.
For some time now she’s been hit by a wave of unflattering and sexist media portrayals. Critics have called Michelle everything from unpatriotic to cold. I’m certain some of the more disparaging remarks haven’t sat well with Michelle or Barack. They certainly haven’t sat well with me or many other black women who have been inspired by our sister’s strength and fortitude.
I was duly impressed with Michelle’s opening speech at the Democratic National Convention. She epitomized what many black women strive to be: strong, independent, and successful. She exemplified what a black woman with her own convictions can accomplish on her own if she sets her mind to it, independent of a spouse or partner. She also belied the stereotype that strong black women are also angry black women.
Michelle openly spoke of balancing a successful career with the responsibilities of raising two beautiful young daughters. I remember when Hillary Clinton was campaigning for her husband. The media ran with her comment about not sitting home and baking cookies. Having observed Michelle Obama these last few months I have no doubts that she’s home baking cookies with her babies as well as being a successful career woman and supportive helpmate to a man she loves and adores.
From the beginning Michelle committed herself to her husband and his dream but not at the expense of her marriage and her family. Nor has she been willing to compromise her principles or her beliefs. She stands independent of Barack while standing whole-heartedly by his side. She will undoubtedly be an admirable First Lady.
Friday, August 22, 2008
I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they’re right. You believe lies so that eventually you learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things falls apart so better things can fall together.
When I first started writing romance, those sexual encounters were a challenge. Over the years I’ve learned to let myself go and in the process, let my characters go as well. The writing came much easier after that. So, brother Luke is having himself one heck of a good time. And Joanne Lake, the story’s heroine, is much enjoying the fruits of his labor.
Deanna doesn’t deny that she was loved. But she also accepts that she was not liked. Her mother didn’t like her. Her mother’s disregard began when her child was very young. Her mother’s issues took precedent over her daughter’s well-being. Deanna’s mother would claim to know everything about her daughter but their argument proved she didn’t know anything at all.
Deanna has chosen to walk away from the memories, and her mother, in order to keep herself whole. Their argument proved that her mother would rather see her child broken than risk being exposed. She was a good mother, her child the bad seed, and that’s the only truth mom wants told. Heaven forbid the secrets come out and bad mommy is exposed for the world to see.
Monday, August 18, 2008
He doesn't sing just to make sound
One day I turned away
And walked a path of my own making
I must sail sometimes against the wind
And anchor my burdens in harbors of hope
Heavy may be the footsteps that skip against the sand
Weighing down the clouds of expectation
And when I pass through the door that
Seemingly lead to no where
I will trust that grass
Does grow green on the other side
And bricks will mark the path that
Spins my destiny into the tide
And the path of my own making
Will land me in the port of heaven.
Or write poetry only to have words to write down
There is more to his mind, his thinking complex
The issues involved are not from the text
He doesn't struggle just to lose
Nor shoulder his burdens to be made a fool
The defining spirit that cements his plans
Comes on the wisdom of men who ran
He doesn't hang his head just to rest
Or challenge his doubters as some sort of test
He strives to be the best he can be
To prove he has the right to be free
He does not ride on hopes and dreams
Or walk a path of make-believe
He will not yearn for what might be
But will hold steadfast to his reality
He doesn't build bridges just to lay bricks
Nor does he cut down trees for the logs and the sticks
He doesn't travel just to roam
He builds a house to have a home