I Ain't Said Nothin' But A Word...

This year flew by. I can’t believe just how fast it got away from me but the 2007 year is waving a hearty goodbye as Baby New Year is readying himself to take over. This definitely wasn’t one of my best years so I can’t say that I’m sad to see it go. In fact, I’m so ready to see it long gone that I will be welcoming in 2008 with bells on. I took a quick minute to reflect back on my resolutions from last year. Clearly I was on some serious drugs when I even imagined myself attempting to keep them. I think I took wishful thinking to an all-time high. The only resolution that I remotely kept for the entire year was not sweating the small stuff and that’s probably because I didn’t have much small stuff to angst over. My pot of big stuff however over flowed frequently this past year. For 2008 I’m going to fall back on old people wisdom and just let life do what it’s going to do. I’m not going to promise to diet and exercise. Like my granny said, “Girl, you might be big but you’re healthy. N

I'm off for the holiday. The to-do list is miles long and I am quickly running out of time. As always, I can't just take off and not leave you with a little holiday cheer to sip on. Enjoy and may each of you have a safe and blessed Christmas and may your Santa grant all your wishes and many more. MERRY CHRISTMAS, BABY!

I find myself doing a lot of research on weddings and honeymoons. I'm always looking for ideas for some story or another that showcases just how beautiful the union of matrimony could be. Different things inspire me. The colors in a wedding bouquet. A gorgeous wedding gown. The beautiful bride and groom. A wedding cake that veers from the traditional. I like to find these things to piece together my own interpretation of a perfect wedding. I happened upon this photograher's blog site via another author's blog. I have just been captivated by Ross Oscar Knight's work, returning time and time again to explore his space. The man is exceptionally talented and I admire what he can do with a camera. I have challenged myself to translate such beauty into words, much like he has translated it to film. Click the link below. I had to share this with you. It is truly a wondeful piece of photo-telling! What Ross had managed to capture through his lens is just breathtaking. I could

Music burns in perfect syncopation, Fragrant metaphors of whole and half notes Inciting tapping toes and snapping fingers. I choreograph a solo performance, Because you will not dance with me, And there is no audience to cheer us on. I’ll wear my best tap shoes, With the delicate heels That balance my love for you on shaky legs, And when I pirouette out on stage, At least you will know that I was there... ...Willing to dance...for you…

* Taking your boy’s phone call before your woman’s is not cool. Hanging up on your woman to talk to your boy and then forgetting to call your woman back, is not cool. Calling your boy and not calling your woman at all, is truly not cool. To paraphrase Erykah Badu, the next time you want some ass, call your boy, your woman is too through. * When your woman is craving your time and attention, wanting to spend some quality one-on-one time with you that doesn’t amount to just an afternoon quickie in a back room, don’t get her hopes up and then disappoint her. It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to realize when you’ve made your woman an afterthought behind your family and friends. You’re woman isn’t a brain surgeon and she’s figured it out already. * A woman likes when you do that thing you do when the two of you are doing that thing you do. You need to do it more. * I will not entertain the thought of putting my life on hold while you try to figure out what you want to do with yours. I wil

Imagine being given an opportunity for a life-changing experience and then being unable to participate because you do not have the funds. I have a young friend who is in that position at this very moment. T’Keya Fox is an exceptional young woman, doing some exceptional things. She’s a seventeen-year old high school junior who is striving for excellence in every aspect of her young life. I haven’t met many young women with her drive and initiative and from the first introduction I was truly impressed with her. T’Keya has some lofty goals for herself and continually demonstrates her intent to achieve each and every one. T’Keya was recently selected to represent her Burlington, NC high school and community as a National Scholar at the National Young Leaders Conference in Washington, DC this spring. T’Keya’s academic excellence and extraordinary leadership potential was recognized by the high school teachers who nominated her for this honor. Being afforded such an opportunity comes with an

I fully intend to rock the cutest little black dress come New Year’s Eve. Every muscle in my body feels like it’s been twisted in two since I went back to the gym to try and get myself in shape. I’ve been exercising everyday now and I hurt. But it’s going to be well worth all my efforts. No matter what it takes, me and my little black dress are going to make some heads turn. I don’t have me a New Year’s date yet, and no New Year’s place to go celebrate, but whether I have someone to wear that dress for or not, I fully intend to be cute in it.

Years ago Oprah had a relationship expert on who stated that couples needed to focus on themselves first and their children and families second. I remember well the gasps and declarations from an audience of women who couldn’t fathom putting any man’s needs before the needs of their babies. It was explained that a couple who focused first on themselves was better equipped emotionally to take care of those children and all the other external issues that a family needed to face on a day to day basis. I remember balking at the thought myself. Wasn’t enough love in the world to get me to think of my children’s wants and needs only after I’d considered their father’s. I just couldn’t wrap my mind around the concept. Then I met Sheila and her sister Bev. Both were married with children. Bev’s husband had her full attention twenty-four seven. Sheila’s children had her attention first and her husband was an afterthought in their relationship. Needless to say Bev had a much better marriage than

Hope you all enjoyed your Thanksgiving holiday. I know I did. For the first time in a very long time I did absolutely nothing. Barely got out of my pajamas this year. Truth be told it was some much needed rest. I slept long, slept well, and now I’m feeling substantially reinvigorated. Went to the movies last night with a group of women who had me laughing to and from the theater. We had a great time and saw a really great movie. If you have an opportunity don’t miss the experience of the new movie, This Christmas . This Christmas stars an ensemble cast that includes veterans actors Loretta Devine, Delroy Lindo, Idris Elba, Regina King, Sharon Leal, and Mekhi Phifer, and the talents of youthful Lauren London, Chris Brown, Columbus Short, and Malcolm Moore. The movie is so much about family. This year, Christmas with the Whitfield family promises to be one they will never forget. It’s the first time in four years that the Whitfield siblings are together for the holidays in their family

It’s that time of year again. Celebrations reign with family and friends, and folks come together to give thanks for their blessings. I have much to be thankful for. Every so often I need me a swift kick to remind me just how truly blessed I am. This hasn’t’ been a good year. Truth be told I haven’t had a truly good year in a good long while now. But it was a blessed year. For every door that was closed another opened. Challenges came and were surpassed and with each one I was in awe of my own personal strength to be able to overcome the adversity. Personal drama fueled fictional fantasies and I have been writing like I haven’t been able to write for some time. My heart was opened in ways I had never fathomed possible and as I approach the holidays I feel a tremendous wave of relief and comfort washing over me. Last week I couldn’t imagine myself cooking a thing for the holiday. Today I can’t see myself NOT cooking. My gobble, gobble, gobble will go into the oven at the crack of dawn.

I swear I learn something new every day! America 's High Tech 'Invisible Man' By Tyrone D. Taborn You may not have heard of Dr. Mark Dean. And you aren't alone. But almost everything in your life has been affected by his work. Dr. Mark Dean is a Ph.D. from Stanford University. He is in the National Hall of Inventors. He has more than thirty patents currently pending. He is a vice president with IBM. And, he is also the architect of the modern-day personal computer. Dr. Dean holds three of the original nine patents on the computer that all PCs are based upon. And, Dr. Mark Dean is an African American. So how is it that we can celebrate the 20th anniversary of the IBM personal computer without reading or hearing a single word about him? Given all of the pressure mass media are under about negative portrayals of African Americans on television and in print, you would think it would be a slam dunk to highlight someone like Dr. Dean. Somehow, though, we have managed to miss

A CAROLINA CONNECTION AUTHOR FORUM AND BOOKSIGNING Saturday, November 17, 2007 3:00 PM East Regional Library 946 Steeple Square Court Knightdale, NC 27545 (919) 217-5300 Featuring Cheris Hodges Deborah Fletcher Mello Monique Miller Hosted by In The Spirit Book Club Historically, I've not done many of these book things but when In The Spirit Book Club invites me to do their book thing, I go. I met this amazing group of women at another author's event. I'd arrived late and was trying to navigate my way through the crowd to any empty seat. Unfortunately there weren't many but a lovely group of ladies waved me in their direction and I gladly plopped by big butt down. My first book hadn't dropped yet and I was feeling so out of place but these ladies were welcoming and warm and soon I was having myself one good old time. When they learned that I was soon to be published, the groups' president wrote down my name and number and promised that her group would read my boo

I have a friend who thinks it is the funniest thing that I never drank Kool-Aid until I was well into my teens. Every time the subject comes up he is rolling on the floor with laughter. I can’t help but laugh myself because what family back in the day didn’t raise their children on Kool-Aid? Well, mine didn’t. My first experience with Kool-Aid was at a cousin’s house during a summer break. I thought it was the coolest thing to be able to make a full pitcher of drink from that little packet of colored powder and a bucket load of granulated sugar! I can actually remember returning home and sharing that knowledge with my mother who looked at me like I’d just told her we’d built an atomic bomb out of shoe leather and toothpaste. She was not amused and it was many years later before she finally broke down and allowed Kool-Aid into our home. It was also that presweetened variety as well, not the little flavor packets that you could sweeten yourself. My dear friend laughed himself silly when

I am a collector. I collect tea pots, pottery, paintings, and some “stuff” that people can’t seem to figure out why I have to have. But I have an affinity for beautiful things. Many of the things I collect I acquire simply because I find them beautiful. Beautiful things bring me immeasurable joy. Today was the last day of the county’s Open Studio Tour. It’s an annual event hosted by the Artist’s Guild to promote the work of local artists. The tour enables you to walk into an artist’s workspace to see how they do what they do. It’s also a fascinating opportunity to acquire something beautiful where you least expect it. There were only a few studios I wanted to visit. Artists whose work I’ve admired for some time and wanted to see what they had that was new. And then there was one artist, Laura Farrow, whose work I wanted to experience for the first time. Laura Farrow is a sculptor. Some of her work is influenced by her experiences in Africa, Tanzania specifically. Some of her work is

I absolutely LOVE the cover of my newest book! That's two out of eight in my absolutely LOVE pile. We're making some serious progress. I'd gotten a peek at it months ago. At that time I refused to get excited because experience has taught me that the powers in charge are alway subject to change and therefore my cover could have undergone a transition as well. It happened with book #5, Love In The Lineup . The original cover I'd been presented with was incredible. The cover that ended up on the book wasn't. I found out about the change when the cover showed up on Amazon.com. The moment wasn't pretty. But BarnesandNoble.com had this cover up on its site today. This cover made me very, very happy. If these two aren't Marah Briscoe and John Stallion I don't know who else is. I only wish I could see more of John 'cause the brother is one picture perfect piece of male speciman. And he's got the mouth of a God. Does this man not have the most perfect li

COUNTRY GIRL By RISSI PALMER I am loving Rissi Palmer and it's just like she sings: It`s the way I think not how I talk It`s a pride you feel that makes you walk the walk Come Sunday morning palms up in praise It`s all about my mama `nem And how I was raised It`s a state of mind no matter where you`re from Living like your grandma done....

A BLACK WOMAN'S SMILE

There is a debate raging on whether or not married folks can or should have friends of the opposite sex. Since I was a kid most of my friends have always been male. For no particular reason, not all women jive well with other women, or men with men, for that matter. I married a man who was adamant that no good could come from such relationships. He firmly believed that no man just wanted to be “friends” with any woman, particularly one that he was married to. Subsequently, I severed ties with a number of really good friends. It's a decision I deeply regret. After many years I came to understand that his issue with my friendships had to do with his insecurities and the issues of trust between us more than anything else. This past Sunday pastor preached about infidelity of the heart. The gist of the sermon was how to have an affair with your spouse and not have an affair with someone else. Pastor maintains that married couples do not need, nor should they ever have, friends of the op

Jesse’s got some issues with his girl Taylor. Taylor and her ex-hubby share custody of an adolescent. Occasionally, Taylor and her ex have to participate in parent events to support that child. This is how it should be. Jesse understands those situations require the two to be in each other’s company. Boyfriend might not like it but he'll have to get over it. Jesse knows that it is the child’s best interests that need to be taken above all else so he sucks up his issues and tries not to let his own insecurities cause them all unnecessary drama. Jesse will be the first to say he fully supports what’s best for little Junior. The kid has been dealing with some heavy issues lately. Parents at each other’s throat can do that to a baby. Feeling neglected and ignored hasn’t helped the child much either. So Taylor decided to take Junior away for a mini vacation, some quality parent and child time to get them back on track. Jesse fully supported that knowing how important it was to Taylor t

I’d forgotten what it was like to write just for the sake of writing. I’ve been fighting to write what other folks want from me and then feeling frustrated because I haven’t been able to write at all. I’ve known since I was a little girl that writing was my passion. It was the one thing I could do and do well and be completely fulfilled doing. It never mattered to me if I made money doing it. I just wanted to tell a good story and have whoever read it be moved by my words. I wanted to take others to the places I traveled to in my mind, to share that part of myself that people might not have been able to see. Writing elevated me above the mundane routines of everyday life and when a story came, when I could twist it and spin it until it was just right, I was in my glory. When I focused on the words rambling in my head and the voices crying out for my attention, there was no challenge I could not conquer, nothing that could ever best me. And then I found myself writing what other people

John’s not getting it and so I’m going to explain it to him in English he can understand. No woman wants to feel like a car that's being test driven. She doesn't feel pretty when the man she’s head over heels in love just seems to like that she's got all the right parts in the right places and everything seems to be working well. She doesn’t want to feel as if he's decided she handled better than the other car he was test driving last so he'll keep her around because it seems like it's the right thing to do. She doesn’t want to be the one he decides to be with simply because his friends tell him how good he looks behind the wheel or his family proclaims she handles much better than his last ride. Most especially when he thinks it’s necessary to keep running back to that other car to see if the ride has gotten any smoother since the last time it broke down on him and left him stranded on the side of the road. No woman wants to be just something for him to take a

A young woman posed an interesting question to me, believing that I might actually have an answer to her dilemma. Boy, was she wrong! Jasmine is in a new relationship with Ben. Ben has an ex-wife. I had an ex-wife once. In fact, I had two ex-wife’s and a few ex-girlfriends. I say I had them because although I wasn’t the one who’d been married to and divorced from these women, their presence in my life was undeniable. They had children with the hubby. Children who lived in our home full-time. I shared parenting responsibilities. It made for some very interesting moments. Ben and his ex have a child as well. Ben’s ex has free reign in Ben’s home, coming and going as if she still lives there. In fact, her time with Ben is substantially more than Jasmine’s time with Ben would seem to be. As well, Jasmine is more aware of the ex than the ex is aware of her. This keeps things peaceful for Ben. It ain’t doing much at all for Jasmine. Only one of the hubby’s ex’s had the audacity to believe sh

Y’all know how I do this. And if you don’t, it’s not hard to figure out. Dribbles are random thoughts that will never manifest into full-fledged posts but for whatever reason, they’ve stuck themselves into my mind and I can’t let them totally go. So, I dribble… Why does it take one pizza, a chocolate chip cookie, and a bag of potato chips to gain ten pounds and then take 280 hours of exercise and 30 days of grass and carrots to lose two? When a man says he loves you and wants you in his life, but he loves her too and can’t let her go from his life, he’s really trying to tell you that he doesn’t want you in his life. Not really. When a man truly wants you, he‘ll tell you, her and the whole world without a moment of hesitation or doubt. You know this. Now accept the fact that he really doesn’t love or want you in his life and move on. Dirty little secrets always come out sooner than later. It was never supposed to be a dirty little secret. I’m obsessing over little black dresses. I’ve p

There is something incredibly sexy about a cowboy on a horse. It is pure power personified. The only thing sexier is a powerful black cowboy on a horse. There is an annual black rodeo event hosted here in this small town of mine that I usually do not miss and wouldn’t you know it, I missed this year’s event. I swear, a woman feels like a kid in a candy shop at this function because the men are FOINE . And I do mean FOINE . They come in tight jeans, tighter tee-shirts, boots, chaps, and it is typically one delectable chocolate confection after another to satisfy any sweet tooth. And these are chocolate confections who are also successfully employed as doctors, lawyers, Indians, and chiefs. For a woman in need of some old-fashioned attention this is truly the place to be ‘cause there is no lack of men wanting to give you a ride on his horse and I’m talkin’ the four-legged variety. Although I’m sure there are some other horses that get ridden as the evening wears on, I personally don’t k

Veiled threats can come in all forms so when a man tells you that your failed marriage will not end the way you might want it to, you should trust that he does not mean you any good. Lisa is learning fast that her husband Ralph can smile his way through any amount of torture he can put her through and not think twice about doing it. The man relishes knowing that he’s got her so twisted that she can’t figure out if she’s coming or going. Fear had never been something Lisa had felt for the man but now she’s afraid. Few will ever realize that she’s more afraid of what she could do to him than what he might even imagine doing to her. And that’s because she’s raging. Lisa has walked a short tightrope with this man since forever. Her entire marriage was built on his needs with no regard for her own and her sacrificing everything she could to make him happy. Her own joy was so irrelevant that it took years for Lisa to even believe she was entitled to an ounce of joy for herself. But Lisa now

I was cleaning out some drawers and found a folder of "stuff" I've collected over the years. Clippings of articles, inspirational passages, and interesting stories that made me stop and pause. When I found this piece and reread it, the words resonated like they had never done before. I remember when it was being passed around, folks forwarding it from friend to friend, thinking that one day I would pass it on to someone in need. I needed it myself today and now I'm passing it on to someone else who might be in need as well. COMES THE DAWN by Veronica A. Shoffstall After a while you learn the subtle difference Between holding a hand and chaining a soul, And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning And company doesn't mean security, And you begin to understand that kisses aren't contracts And presents aren't promises. And you begin to accept your defeats With your head held high and your eyes open, With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child. You

The heart is truly a complicated beast and matters of the heart can be quite challenging. Despite the obvious euphoria and exhilaration associated with being in love, it is an emotion that has proven itself to be mysterious, complex, and overwhelmingly difficult to comprehend. To truly define love is damn near impossible but to experience it in all its magnificence can be life changing. I think the pain we sometimes associate with love has more to do with the baggage we attach to it than to love itself. All of our “stuff” can truly give love a bad name. Negative emotions we experience with love come from our own fears, doubts, anxiety, perceived rejections, broken trusts, anger, jealousy, envy, and the like. That broken heart truly is not broken, just inundated with all the garbage we’ve made it carry. I write about characters who are beautifully flawed. They unload their baggage between pages 145 and 175 to discover that when they allow themselves to truly open their hearts and feel,

Jessica’s got a relationship dilemma that truly has her questioning her sanity. Jessica and West have been together for months now. Their romantic relationship developed after they’d built a dynamic friendship. Because both were coming off the heels of really bad relationships they’d decided to keep their attraction to each other a secret from family and friends as they made their way around your typical new relationship bumps. And then they hit some serious bumps. Each one more devastating than the one before. So much so, that both of them were feeling overwhelmed, out of sorts, and seriously challenged. But Jessica was fighting tooth and nail to hold on to what she had with West and he with her because she truly believed in the beauty of what they shared together. And she loves him, heart and soul. Family and friends could see the duo had become closer, still not knowing though just how close the bond had actually grown. And still the couple decided they weren’t yet ready to share wh

I am usually on top of my game, but recently I’ve strayed so far off the playing field I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to find my way back onto the track. I’ve been weeding out unhealthy situations in my life and that has included some long time relationships. One in particular has had me pulling my hair out and wishing I could stick pins in my eyeballs to divert the pain elsewhere. While trying to let this relationship go, I recently made a major mistake. I truly believed that I could have a rational discussion with an irrational individual and as I should have expected, it didn’t work. Even after acknowledging all that was wrong with us, agreeing that apart was far better than together, the poor fool still didn’t have a clue. And because he was clueless, he showed his ass. (My grandmother’s description of his behavior, not mine!) I didn’t know you could call a person as many derogatory names as he had the audacity to call me and then he wanted to know what the real problem was between

I really wish I had the option of having a total and complete meltdown, forsaking every one of my responsibilities to wallow in my own personal pity party. I’d even invite other folks to join in. But I don’t have that option. Other people seem to enjoy the opportunity when it moves them, but I’ve never been one of those privileged to do so. Sure, I would like to spend a few weeks in my pajamas, hiding beneath the covers with boxes of chocolate cherries, Almond M&M’s, Orville Redenbacher popcorn and the television remote, bemoaning every bad thing happening to me, disregarding all the bullshit running through my mind and causing havoc on my daily life, but that’s not going to happen. It’s not an option for me no matter how much I would like to withdraw from the realities of life and just not give a rat’s ass. I am obligated to keep standing, to keep smiling, to keep fighting for my joy because as a woman, and a mother, and a nurturer, it’s expected of me. Most women know that fulfil

Jenny kneels in prayer every night. Sometimes she prays two or three times per day. Jenny is always praying the same prayer over and over again. Praying that God will bring her and the man she loves back together. I hated to do it but I had to tell old girl to get up off her knees. That was one prayer she truly didn’t want answered. Her man is a good guy. In fact, he’s truly a great guy. And the reason he and Jenny aren’t together is because he’s busy loving someone else. He was also decent and honest enough to tell Jenny the truth and not string her along hoping against all odds that he might actually fall head over heels in love with her. I have great respect for the brother’s integrity. Jenny hasn’t yet realized that her heavenly Father is doing her a favor to not bring them back together, most especially since her man loves someone else. Unrequited love is hardly the type of suffering the good Father had in mind when he said we’d have some tribulation in our lives. Like most of us,

Good old Mr. Ben’s up to no good. Again. Apparently the man’s been out and about visiting places he has no business being. Number one son had an all-points bulletin out after him yesterday, having not a clue where the old geezer had disappeared to. Finally tracked him down visiting the local massage parlor trying to get massaged. Unfortunately, Mr. Ben left home without his wallet and they don’t give you credit at the massage parlor. It seems that the massage parlor ladies know Mr. Ben well so they called for someone to come and get his old butt. Once he found his way back home I stopped by to visit him, to ask what he’s been up to worrying folks like he’s been doing. The man was tight lipped for a quick minute, and then he let me in on his secret. It seems that Mr. Ben has himself a raging case of blue balls. Now, I can’t attest to that fact personally, but that’s what he told me, and rather matter-of-factly as he took a quick moment to peek over his shoulder to insure Number One Son

So, I go do that annual checkup thing with the beaverologist and I’d forgotten just how uniquely disturbing it is to bare all your private goodies for the good doctor to play with. Men complain about that one finger and the rubber glove, but that’s nothing like having your feet strapped in stirrups while cold gel and metal is being heaved up your nether-lands and a man is asking how book sales are going. And I won’t even begin to express an opinion about the bubbly med student oohing and aahing over his shoulder like she’d never seen such a sight before, most especially since she has her own and had been oogling other people’s who-who’s all day long. Like most women I have my fair share of gynocologist horror stories. Thankfully they've been few and far between. One of my most memorable moments was some fifteen-odd years ago when I was being treated for a pre-cancerous cervical condition. I had to undergo an in-office procedure where they took off the top layer of diseased cells. T

ARRRGH! I swear, this book I’m trying to finish is giving me a major migraine and I've got a proposal I need to be working on. We’ll totally disregard the fact that everything is late and not fashionably late, but more like agent and editor ready to ring my neck late. It’s late because editorial changes on book one dictated a major rewrite. So, not only is it late but the characters are just not gelling. He’s not giving me any warm and fuzzy feelings and she is starting to wreck my nerves. And I can’t begin to tell you why I’m having such a difficult time pulling this one together. For the first time ever I actually know the story. I know the story like I know my name. I know everything my hero is supposed to do and everything the heroine is supposed to say. They’ve had more conversations together in my head than I care to remember and I still can’t seem to get it to feel on paper the way I need it to feel. And I’ve been having a major migraine trying. I think part of my problem is