Skip to main content

NOT AN OPTION

I really wish I had the option of having a total and complete meltdown, forsaking every one of my responsibilities to wallow in my own personal pity party. I’d even invite other folks to join in. But I don’t have that option. Other people seem to enjoy the opportunity when it moves them, but I’ve never been one of those privileged to do so. Sure, I would like to spend a few weeks in my pajamas, hiding beneath the covers with boxes of chocolate cherries, Almond M&M’s, Orville Redenbacher popcorn and the television remote, bemoaning every bad thing happening to me, disregarding all the bullshit running through my mind and causing havoc on my daily life, but that’s not going to happen. It’s not an option for me no matter how much I would like to withdraw from the realities of life and just not give a rat’s ass.

I am obligated to keep standing, to keep smiling, to keep fighting for my joy because as a woman, and a mother, and a nurturer, it’s expected of me. Most women know that fulfilling such an expectation isn’t always an easy thing to do. I’ve placed an unholy amount of pressure upon myself and I am petrified of failing. I’m also determined not to fail and fall because if I do, then not only do I fall but those I love most may very well fall with me. And I just can’t have that happen.

I have my moments though. I had one last night in fact. I allowed myself to feel sorry for my circumstances. I let myself feel so bad about everything and about nothing that I spent hours crying like a baby in want of a pacifier. It was that ugly cry too, where you hyperventilate, throw up, and your face swells up all red and puffy where no amount of makeup can hide the truth of it. Then I got angry and I screamed and yelled and called people hateful names and for a brief moment I didn’t feel bad doing so. Once the rage subsided I crawled into a corner with a bag of potato chips and a half gallon of fudge ripple ice cream and I watched Tyler Perry’s new talk show. One hour of watching successful people talk about their success was enough for me. I got up, got over myself, and went to bed.

When I got up this morning, I stood up, I smiled, and I made the choice to keep fighting for my joy and happiness, no matter what it might cost me. I don’t wear pity well and makeup won’t hide the ugly of it. My reality is that having a meltdown isn’t an option, no matter how it might seem. So that pity party isn’t going to happen any time soon.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

DAMMIT, DO BETTER!

I love reading. I get excited when I discover a new author or find an outstanding story. I’m eager to leave reviews and share with others my new finds. When a book or story is lackluster, leaving me less than thrilled, I usually remain silent. I know the effort that an author has put into a story. I know how hurtful a bad review can be. It is not for me to dash anyone else’s dream because what I might not have liked, someone else may have loved. Recently I read books that left me disappointed, and angry. One was an award-winning title, the author gleefully claiming a coveted statue for her efforts. Clearly what I hated, others found award-worthy. And that actually scares me. The story was as well-written as any other in the genre. Its formulaic plot hit all the buttons that her publisher required. But as a woman of color, I found it as insulting and as distasteful as any story I have ever read. The story featured a Native American heroine. She had self-esteem issues, co

NAUGHTY OR NICE TOUR - DAY 6 - DEBORAH FLETCHER MELLO

I'm so excited to be a part of the NAUGHTY OR NICE BOOK BLOG TOUR. And it gives me great pleasure to give you the first peek at my next release, PLAYING WITH FIRE . Available from Dafina books on February 24, 2015, wherever books are sold, PLAYING WITH FIRE is the first in my two-book Sultry Southern Nights series. ENJOY this excerpt and please, PRE-ORDER your copy today! Romeo Marshall is over six feet of cool, smooth, hot, southern seductiveness--just like the music at his popular Raleigh club, The Playground Jazz and Blues Bar. With his beloved mother gone and no father he's ever known, the business is Romeo's everything. It's a place where anything can happen--and the evening one gorgeous young woman and one intriguing old musician walk into the bar--and into Romeo's life--it does. There's something about high-powered, down-to-the earth Taryn Williams that captures Romeo's attention like no other woman has. Yet unanswered questions from his past s

TREYVON MARTIN

Seventeen-year old Treyvon Martin was walking back from a convenience store to his father's home, when he was allegedly accosted and shot dead by a community watch captain.   Heading home put him in a “gated” community where he clearly wasn’t welcomed.   Treyvon was black and his presence in that “gated” community was a source of consternation for the man who shot him dead as evidenced by the 911 telephone call that was made just minutes prior to the deadly shooting. The media reports that George Zimmerman, a white man, called for police assistance, reporting that Treyvon was “a suspicious person".   Despite being advised by the 911 dispatcher to not follow the young man and to wait for police, Zimmerman felt that he had the authority to approach and confront Treyvon instead.   That confrontation has now left a family to bury a child who once had a bright and promising future. The central Florida police have yet to levy any charges against Zimmerman and it is unlike