Sunday, November 29, 2009


I hope everyone had a safe and joyous holiday. I skipped my usual holiday greeting this week. There was much I was busting to write but I had to put it on hold so that I wouldn’t give any secrets away. I’d been holding on to a boatload of secrets for the past few weeks.

This entire weekend has been about family. His, mine, and ours. Thanksgiving Day my special friend and I spent the entire day together. The time was spent in self reflection, us reflection and just the sheer enjoyment of enjoying time together. We then spent the evening dining with my family in my mother’s home. Family then kicked in big time.

Secrets spilled out on Friday evening when we celebrated my mother’s 70th birthday with a surprise birthday party. Family and friends came from all over to honor a woman who has been an exceptional part of this family. Her oldest sister who is well in her 80’s traveled from South Carolina. Her youngest sibling came from Washington for the celebration.

Women who grew up in my family home, who I’ve shared some 30-plus years of friendship came from Connecticut to wish their “other” mother a happy, happy. The theme was Motown and you know it had to be a good time when cousins and kin adorned themselves with feather boas and lip-synched to the Supremes. (I caught a major cramp trying to keep up with my sister’s choreography and the whole thing was just too, too funny)!

Early Saturday morning my guy and I traveled to Richmond, Virginia to spend time with his family. Kin had traveled from the North and the South, meeting in the middle and completely taking over a local hotel. Laughter and tears flowed with ease and family reunited, reconnected, and reflected on the many blessings they’d been afforded. Bouncing from hotel room to hotel room took on new meaning as family partied from floor to floor sharing their lives and history with one another.

Each of my holiday celebrations was a time of thanksgiving. I witnessed moments of healing and forgiveness, of generosity and understanding and an abundance of love that could not be denied. I was reminded of those things that matter most: family and the abundance of their love. I was blessed to be in the presence of my old family and my new family who opened their arms and their hearts. I have much to be thankful for.

Saturday, November 14, 2009


She told him she wished she didn’t love him so much. She really believes that if she didn’t love him as much as she does then when things aren’t well between them and it hurts as much as it sometimes does, that she wouldn’t care. He told her to pray to God to take that love out of her heart and God would. As she told me I had to think about that for a moment.

Will God take love out of your heart? Would you want him to?

I can’t imagine that my God, who has blessed me with the ability to open my heart to another individual, would willfully wipe that from my spirit. I can’t begin to fathom myself or anyone else thinking they should or could ask God to do such a thing.

Falling in love is such a monumental feat. Opening up one’s self to that kind of vulnerability is not an easy thing to do. I also think that when one person truly captures your heart, then you’ve been given an amazing gift.

Making a commitment to another person is not only about them but also about yourself. Love is seeing someone for who they are, the good and the bad. It’s about looking that person in the eye and seeing the best of yourself looking back at you. Love is acceptance, understanding, patience, friendship, endurance, and all that is right in us as individuals and right in this world. And even in those moments when it hurts and we might wish it way, is that truly what we want?

Would we really pray love away?

Tuesday, November 03, 2009


Four years ago today my oldest son passed away. You never ever get over that kind of loss. What you do is pick yourself up, try to keep moving, and in time, you hopefully learn a new kind of normal.

I can’t help but wonder what life would be like if my child was still here with us today. I wonder about the impact he would have had on his own children. How he would have handled his father and I divorcing? Would he still be supportive of my choices? Would his little brother ignore his swift kicks the way baby boy ignores mine?

I miss my favorite son. I miss him calling to ask if I would cook his favorite meal the way only I knew how to do. I miss hearing the sound of his voice and that laugh that always made me laugh with him. I wonder what he would have thought about the economy and our President and how the New England Patriots have been performing.

I am sometimes amazed at just how much you can miss somebody. I would never have imagined it to be so consuming.

I’ve written about my son here before. I am still devastated by how quickly he was taken from us. I am still inspired by the memory of him. The lessons he taught continue to encourage me. I’d give anything to have him still here with us.

For the last four years I’ve had to learn a new kind of normal, but truth be told, I can’t find a damn thing normal about it.

THIRD ON THE 3rd - November 3, 2009

Due to the idiosyncrasies of being fifteen-years old and easily distracted, Third on the 3rd will return in December. Maybe. And then again, maybe not. It will depend on whether or not we can get over our idiosyncrasies. It will also depend on whether or not I can be re-convinced that we are both dedicated, responsible and committed to delivering on our promises.