Monday, December 21, 2009


Christmas is right at our doors and I am more ready for it to come and be gone, than I am for it to come at all. Shortly after Thanksgiving I was excited at the prospect of the holiday. That excitement got kicked to the curb and is in need of some serious resuscitation. I’m thinking though that it can’t be revived in such a short period of time.

Like most little girls l I loved Christmas. But what was most exciting for me was when our Christmas tree went up. Decorating it was always quite an event in our home. There’d be music and popcorn and cookies baking and everyone would be happy with laughter.

Christmas trees have always fascinated me. I love the lights and the ornaments and the sheer beauty of taking something so magnificently beautiful and transforming it into something even more extraordinary. Back in the day we went from a live tree to an artificial one but it worked. As an adult, when doing Christmas for my children I always had a live tree. It became tradition for us to go pick out our tree and each year we purchased one special ornament to add to the elaborate collection of ornaments that I had amassed over the years. Back then my kids were happy with laughter.

One of my most favorite Christmas tree memories happened when I was a senior in high school. The boyfriend of the moment was home from college. I was working part-time at a local department store and had drawn the short straw, having to work on Christmas Eve. The rest of the family had disappeared South and weren’t expected to return before the New Year. For some reason, boyfriend of the moment missed his signal to pick me up from work and there I was walking home alone with two toaster ovens and a bag of assorted gifts. About a mile into my journey an elderly couple pulled over and offered me a ride. Doing the unthinkable I accepted since those toaster ovens were starting to seriously wear me down. Arriving safely home, the boyfriend was waiting in my driveway, having not a clue where I had been.

Frustration and anger were the emotions of the moment and then I lit that Christmas tree. As the lights flickered on, happy suddenly pushed every other emotion right out the door. The boyfriend and I turned on the stereo and sat curled together on the carpet beneath that tree. We made a dream list of what we wanted for our future and everything felt like it was falling into a perfect place. We were happy with laughter as we drifted off to sleep, that tree twinkling above our heads.

Sadly, I haven’t had a tree for almost four years. I thought this year might be different. I was thinking that this year I’d finally have a tree again. But this year isn’t shaping up to be a tree year at all. But maybe what I need most is just to go get me a tree and remember what it is to be happy with laughter.

No comments: