I Ain't Said Nothin' But A Word...

Jenna had thought of his space as home once. But it wasn’t. She was reminded of that when she returned for the first time. She didn’t think going back would be as hard as it was, but it was difficult. Too many memories haunted her and she hadn’t expected that. She hadn’t thought she’d have any problems, believing that she had reconciled with his decision for her to leave, her presence having caused him much angst. Bu going back she felt his rejection all over again, the hurt of it pulling at her spirit. Despite his best efforts to make her feel welcome, she couldn’t get past the fact that he hadn’t wanted her and he hadn’t wanted her there, in his home, with him. She forced a smile on her face, praying that if she focused hard on the upward bend of her mouth, she wouldn’t feel the turmoil in her heart. She surely didn’t want her emotions to show. Because it had been his home. And he had never once promised that it would ever be hers. And she knew he hadn’t wanted her there. It was not

Gregory changed the rules of their relationship and now Gretchen is in a tailspin, fighting back depression and just wanting the hurt of it to stop and be over so she can feel whole again, I told Gretchen her first mistake was giving her man control of her emotions. Gretchen countered that love took away her control, not Gregory. He simply benefitted from the experience. That one made me smile. She's been playing Luther Vandross over and over again on her radio. Luther's quandry has become Gretchen's, the two of them asking for a reason to want their loved one back. Wondering why they should love again, pondering how to forgive and forget... I told my girl to listen to some Mary J. Blige instead. To start with Testimony 'cause trouble don't last always, then play her some Enough Cryi n', thinking she needs someone to carry her, and when all was said and done, play Mary's Stronger . Play it again and again until she realizes she is, even if it did take the h

The dynamics of past relationships can most assuredly linger with you longer than you would like. Sometimes we don’t know just how long. The ex-hubby and I do not have a civil relationship. My children are disturbed by it. Other people don’t understand it. My very special friend asked me what or who was keeping the ex and I from being friends, most especially for the sake of our children. You see, he and his baby mama are very good friends, but that’s a blog for another day. He also doesn’t see any reason for folks to still be harboring animosity but that, as well, is a whole other post. At the time I didn’t have the words to explain what I knew. I really didn’t think the man would understand it. Having lived it most of my adult life I don’t know if it really makes much sense to me. And then when the ugly of it rears up for attention, it does. My baby boy resides with his father. This sometimes requires me to meet him in the driveway of their home. I’m not allowed past the front gate.

He has a blog like I do. His is one of the few that I follow with bated breath. I typically like what he has to say. But sometimes I read the man’s words and they leave me feeling as though I’m missing something. And so I find myself reading his words over and over again trying to figure out what it is that has slipped over my head without my realizing it. I’ve even gone back and reread words that I’d thought I’d missed but really hadn’t. Then it hit me. I needed to read between the lines. It wasn’t about what he had actually said, but more about the emotion he couldn’t convey. It was all about the things he couldn’t put down on paper. Those things he was feeling and experiencing that were foreign to the true nature of who he was and contradicted with the man he was trying to be. He has these honest moments where he spills his soul out for all of us to see but if the truth were told honest isn’t quite that honest. He claims to be sharing his hurt and frustration but trying to man up an

Being in a new relationship sometimes requires you to walk a land mine of emotions. I find myself questioning how one can do any relationship successfully and not be selfish about it, most especially if it is not in one’s nature to be selfish. Must you be selfish with your time and yourself to have a successful relationship? Will being selfish with yourself and your time do your relationship more harm than good? I’m actually conflicted. Where is that balance? Shouldn’t you be a little selfish in a relationship? My very special friend and I navigate family, friends, a business, and a host of responsibilities that eat up a significant portion of our time. There never seems to be enough hours in a day for just the two of us before we have to start our routines all over again. It leaves very little quality time for he and I together that doesn’t get interrupted by someone else’s needs. Were we both more selfish, we’d have more time together that we wouldn’t allow others to intrude on. But

I don't watch music award shows. They typically annoy me. More times than not the acoustics are so bad that they take away from the performances. Then you have idiots who seem to go out of their way to be even more idoitic. So when I found myself watching the MTV Video Awards with my favorite guy I wasn't expecting but so much. What I wanted most was to see Janet Jackson's tribute performance to her brother Michael. That I enjoyed much. I was also grateful that it came early in the show. I don't think I could have stomached watching all the other dribble to see Janet do her thing. Then 19-year old Taylor Swift won for best female video. It was her first music award. I'm a big fan of firsts and although I can't profess to be a big fan of her music I applauded her win. Her big moment however was interrupted by the one and only Kanye West, who in his usual ignorant, obnoxious fashion felt it necessary to steal the spotlight to shout out that Beyonce's video was

So, I’ve not been getting a good dose of my reality TV meds lately. My favorite guy and I have found The Real Housewives of Atlanta completely lacking. The commercials make for some interesting conversations and after each and every episode we can’t help but ask ourselves “why?” Why would seemingly intelligent women exploit themselves so wantonly? In the first season of Housewives of Atlanta I loved NeNe Leakes. I thought she was funny, engaging, and refreshingly honest. This season I’m rethinking my opinion. She is still funny, still engaging, but each of her episodes now seem way too contrived and she comes across as just plain loud and obnoxious. The new “wife”, Kandi Burruss, won’t last long. She’s not bringing enough drama. She’s raising her daughter, her mother doesn’t like her boyfriend and won’t be moved from that opinion and Kandi seems most real. Plus, she cries. A lot. For me, Kandi just doesn’t have enough spark to hold folks’ attention. Lisa Wu Harwell got herself some air

Lord have mercy! This weekend wrecked my last nerve and had me about to jump ship on too, too many levels. Then just like a wave of cool air I clicked on one of my favorite sites and there was LIFE! Monica Jackson is back, and well, I for one, and clearly many others, are absolutely thrilled. All is suddenly well in the world again.

You can always see the beginning of the end. Whether or not you are willing to admit it is something else all together. In life we have to make choices. We hope that the choices we make are in not only our own best interest, but in the best interest of those who might be depending on us. In relationships, it’s not always about the couple themselves, but the family around them whose lives they impact. We must especially be cognizant of the children and how our actions will ultimately impact their young lives. I have a friend who loved a man so much that she neglected her young daughter’s feelings, putting her relationship with her man before her child. Fast forward some twenty years later and that daughter is still trying to reconcile what she feels for her mother with what she knows she should feel. There is no balance between them and her mother has only herself to blame. That man only remained in their two lives for a brief period and then he was gone, never to be heard from again. T

Isn’t it funny that people can say they love you and their actions display the opposite? Actions will forever speak louder than words. So preach what you speak and do it with passion. Speak as if it’s going out of fashion! Because at the end of the day, words are just words until you mean what you say. So, if you’re guilty of this neglectful tendency and you want to change your ways, first look in the mirror, and seek the truth, before turning to the one you love and saying, I love you, babe . Third

The young brother had a game plan that he laid out for me to consider. It had possibilities but I had my reservations. He was persistent, stepping up his presentation and I had to admit that I liked what he had to say. We negotiated back and forth until we came to a mutual understanding of each other's expectations. When all was said and done I couldn't help but wonder what I may have gotten myself into. With his confidence and cocky 15-year old swagger I don't think he has many concerns at all. The boy has a penchent for expensive shoes, an eye for pretty girls, and a sense of humor that may very well make him a superstar one day. He asked for space, and my audience, and I'm going to give it to him. I agreed because I find his talent refreshing. The young man can write and he doesn't even know it yet. He's got a big voice, with much to say and I respect that he wants to be heard. I think he could do this in his own blog space and I said so. He responded that he

There is only one man in my life who still has the ability to push my buttons and send me over the edge. Not one of my boys nor my very special friend can have me grinding my teeth and reaching for a stiff drink the way my father can. My relationship with my father has been a whirlwind of extremes. Right up to my sixth birthday I was daddy’s favorite girl. Then just like that something changed. By the time I was sixteen I’d declared him my worst enemy and he wasn’t too happy with me either. When I married the ex-hubby my father didn’t talk to me for three years, not even to say hello. Over the years daddy and I have established boundaries with each other that we know not to cross. It’s a very rare occasion that we bump heads and when we do we typically don’t bump heads but so hard, most especially since the old guy had his stroke. I know I haven’t been the greatest daughter but I’ve been more mindful about trying to be a good one. And just like that something changed, again. Nothing ma

Cheryl got caught up. The boyfriend had her thinking he was ready to take their relationship to the next level and she got caught up. Before she knew it she had allowed herself to imagine the what-ifs and the maybes. Cheryl started fiending after the fantasy and it felt good to her. Boyfriend even had the audacity to indulge her fantasies, playing pretend right along with her. But for Cheryl there was nothing pretend about the hope she’d put in the life time she had hoped to share with the man. She was seeking the reality and got herself caught right up in the want of it. When boyfriend asked her out of the blue why she was suddenly so obsessed with taking that next step, it was as if he’d burst her balloon and her joy juice was seeping out of it at warp speed. Her happy evaporated because it didn’t take much to understand that boyfriend wasn’t feeling the excitement that she had been feeling. He wasn’t caught up at all. Boyfriend wasn’t really ready or wanting what Cheryl was imaginin