I Ain't Said Nothin' But A Word...

I got called out on the fact that for the last two years I’ve let my personal life interfere with my writing and subsequently, my writing sucks, big time. This struck a too tender nerve because I have always, in the past, allowed my personal life to dictate my writing. Some of my greatest moments have played out in black and white, the most simplistic words twisting into exquisite poetry. The ability to spin emotion onto paper has been one of my greatest gifts and somewhere along the way I tripped over the box, got all tangled up in the ribbons and bow and started writing with a broken pencil. I have to admit that lately I’ve been holding back, holding out, and just not holding down what I know I need to be doing. I’ve been so busy biting my tongue and simply ignoring what has been in my heart to release that I haven’t been writing and what I have written, hasn’t been any damn good. I have felt it with every fiber in me and I chose to ignore it, not wanting to make waves, rock the boat...

For the first time I am starting to think that “Nothin’ But A Word” has finally run its course. On July 16th I will have been blogging for some four years and with a few hundred blog posts behind me I’m starting to feel like I don’t have very many more left. Doing this has begun to feel like a painful chore. I’m finding it difficult to be funny and cute when there are times that I would much prefer to be melancholy and not cute. The melancholy doesn’t much move me so I can only imagine what it might be doing to those of you who actually read my dribble. Recently, my very special friend felt that one of my blog posts was, and I quote, “an unfair distortion of the truth”. And it very well may have been. But as I explained to him, this is my space, and my truth as I see it and my emotions as I feel them. Damn the other side. They can go get their own blog and tell it their own way. The little bit of something and whole lot of nothing that I rant and ponder about here is mine to twist and ...

Gary had a torrid little affair with one of his co-workers. At the time Gary and his cohort were both married to other people. That torrid little affair produced a too cute bundle who became his mama’s greatest joy. Gary questioned whether or not baby Gary was truly his, ‘cause Junior’s mama also had a husband. Gary couldn’t fathom a wife not sleeping with her husband, even if she was sleeping with him. It conveniently slipped Gary’s mind that he wasn’t sleeping with his own wife which was why he was doing the do on the other side of town in the first place. Girlfriend readily offered a paternity test but Gary passed, feeling that not knowing was best for all concerned, most particularly his wife. Fast forward and not once did anyone ever ask a thing from Gary. No child support, no time, no nothing. Nada! His gal pal figured he would have to man-up all on his own, or not. Gary chose not, having neither the testicles or the moral fiber to do what was right. Now Gary’s son is all grown u...

I observed an ex-wife and a current girlfriend meeting each other for the first time. The moment was amusing because although everyone was going through the motions of being mature and adult-like about the whole encounter, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that what was being said between them was whole-heartedly different than what they wanted to say to each other. The man in the middle, surprised by the unannounced arrival of his past, was clearly wishing for a hole to fall down into, his anxiety evident by him not introducing anyone in the room. And then the ex–wife figured out who the current woman was and all the fun began ( with my very loose translations of the encounter, of course ). Ex-wife: “Oh, this is Dara? This is the girl that spends the night at your house sometimes? ( So, this is your new slut? ) The new girlfriend smiled smugly but said nothing at all. But you could see her thinking to herself: ( Beyotch, you know damn well who I am and I’m neither a gir...

Allow me to extend my thanks to those of you who have already made a donation. My little friend Trevon is still in need of some serious help. Won't you consider making a donation? I have some books I'd love to give away for your efforts. Click below for additional information. Thank you. TREVON TAPP FUNDRAISER at www.DeborahMello.blogspot.com TREVON TAPP FUNDRAISER @ EVENTBRITE

My father and I do not have the best relationship. More times than not I leave his presence questioning what I could have possibly done to have him hate me as much as he would seem to. It sometimes takes me months to reconcile that it’s not me that he’s detesting, but is instead, a choice I may have made or something he thinks I might have done that has him so hostile. During that period of reconciliation my father and I usually do not communicate, neither of us having one word to say to the other. My father has spent most of my adult life not talking to me. I have spent most of my adult life wondering why. It has now been a good few months since he and I have had a pleasant conversation of any kind. The last time we spoke the man called to cuss me out, calling me names that no man should ever call any woman, most especially his daughter. Daddy had not been happy about my cleaning out my grandmother’s home, discarding trash that should have been discarded years before. It would seem, a...

Two years ago I reached out for donations to help send a young friend to the National Young Leader’s Conference in Washington, DC. Some exceptional people gave generously and my young friend was able to represent her family, friends and community beautifully. That young lady recently completed her freshman year at UNC-Charlotte, well on her way to a thriving technology career. I am once again moved to hold out my hand and ask folks to open their hearts and their pockets for a young man whose spirit and achievements are a true inspiration. Mr. Trevon Tapp is twelve years old. He’s from the very rural community of Roxboro, NC and he has not only exceeded every challenge and expectation put to him, but has contradicted every stereotype that exists about young, black men. Trevon is in the seventh grade at Southern Middle School, an honor student with a 4.0 GPA and in the academically gifted program. He plays football and basketball and loves to read. He is a member of the youth choir and d...

I get more material listening to small town gossip than should be allowed. In this here small town of mine, folks love to talk. They love to talk about themselves and each other and every ounce of it is fuel for my writing spirit. Today alone I came home with enough material for another ten books. Downtown was crowded with news-types looking to score a scoop on the Rielle “I Can Help You!” Hunter vs. Andrew “Johnny Won’t Be My Friend” Young sex tape case. The duo was in court today and the locals had much to ponder, most especially since Johnny “I Don’t Know That Baby” Edwards has allegedly rented digs downtown and is rumored to be developing quite a cozy relationship with one of the bar stools in the local pub. Marital fidelity is a hot topic around here, Johnny’s and everybody else’s. (Everybody else got some serious stuff going on behind their closed doors!) Girlfriends stabbed boyfriends, boyfriends kicked dogs, husbands done left wives, wives done did the delivery guys, mama’...

Oh, how good does it get!!!!! I am in TV-heaven right now. Just when I thought my reality TV obsession was all obsessed out, VH1 premiered their new lineup. Now I’m hooked, again, and loving every minute of it. Brandy and Ray-J: A Family Business follows that well-known duo and their parents. The set-up of the show is that Sonja (Mama Norwood) who has been managing her children’s careers for the past 15 years is now ready to reclaim her life. She’s ready for her children to run the family music business. Throw in their father, Willie’s (Papa Norwood) nonchalant attitude and “children” who aren’t necessarily ready for responsibility, plus Mama's mean-as-spit demeanor, favoritism and a serious touch of family dysfunction and it makes for some entertaining TV. Then we have Basketball Wives , the brainchild of Shaunie O’Neal, the soon-to-be ex-wife of Shaq. It follows the doings of seven women who have been or are currently linked with NBA players. Now, only one of the women is actual...

When Wally and Diane have problems, Wally has seven really good female friends to turn to for advice. And like most female friends of single men, his really good female friends always have something to say about his personal life. Diane however doesn’t have the same network of support to turn to. Diane made the mistake of turning to a male acquaintance for advice only one time and she is still paying the price for having done so. Clearly, according to Wally’s seven friends, there had to have been more going on with Diane and what’s-his-name than Diane has been upfront about. And even Wally finds it hard to believe that there was absolutely nothing to Diane and that man. Convincing Wally that something was truly nothing has proven to be impossible at best. Knowing that Wally doesn’t trust Diane or what Diane feels for him breaks her heart. Knowing that any conversation about the nature of their relationship will turn into a castigation of everything Diane has ever done wrong, starting ...

Hey, did you miss me? I've purposely been AWOL for most of April. I needed some down time to step back, review, regroup, and and revive myself. Subsequently, I didn't write. Not one word. For the last few months everything around me has been nothing but clutter and mess. The clutter had gotten to the point of being overwhelming and it just became too darn difficult to function in the midst of it. That is changing. It has to. LOST IN A STALLION'S ARMS has been well received. Romantic Times Magazine gave it 4-Stars! Readers have lauded it with praise. Can't begin to tell you how that took the edge off of everything else I was going through, especially since I haven't been writing. My baby boy and I have been spending more time together. I've discovered a side to my child I didn't know existed. He's discovered much about me, as well. He'll be leaving me again in the very near future. Son-shine has enlisted in the military. His paperwork has been signed...

It’s amazing that no matter how things may change, some things forever remain the same. I was partnered on a project that I was initially excited about. I thought it had great prospect. I saw it being an opportunity for me to grow with and learn from. After a considerable investment of time, emotion, and resources, I deluded myself into thinking that I was actually accomplishing something meaningful, headed in a positive direction. Then just like that a member of my team knocked the wind out of my sails, and I realized that absolutely nothing had changed. The progress I had become comfortable with had instead been a delusion of my own making. Things were as they had been at the beginning and I might as well have been starting from square one. Confronting the parties involved, I discovered that my expectations were as far from reality as one can possibly get. I was made to understand that instead, me and my expectatons were an inconvenience, standing in the way of other plans and ideas....

So, I am officially counting down the release of my next book, LOST IN A STALLION’S ARMS . I am so excited that I’m about to bust! Baby brother, Luke Stallion’s story, will officially be released in five weeks, and oh, is it wicked! Luke Stallion makes me hot! The boy is twenty-something young and as perfect a male specimen as one can imagine. The heroine, Joanne Lake, is full-figured with great attitude. I call her my poster child for women who aren’t a size sixteen small but love every dip and curve of their voluptuous bodies. Together the couple makes for some serious heat and steam. I still break out into a sweat when I think about the seductive encounters I get them tangled up in. In case you have some doubts, here’s a little taste of what’s to come. If you haven’t pre-ordered your copy, please do. I promise you won’t be disappointed! Excerpted from LOST IN A STALLION’S ARMS by Deborah Fletcher Mello Joanne paused for a brief moment. “What’s your definition of foreplay?” The man’...

...there is jubilation! chicagotribune.com Charter school in tough neighborhood gets all its seniors into college - By Duaa Eldeib , Tribune staff reporter 1:14 PM CST, March 5, 2010 The entire senior class at Chicago's only public all-male, all-African-American high school has been accepted to four-year colleges. At last count, the 107 seniors had earned spots at 72 schools across the nation. Mayor Richard Daley and Chicago Public Schools chief Ron Huberman surprised students at an all-school assembly at Urban Prep Academy for Young Men in Englewood this morning to congratulate them. It's the first graduating class at Urban Prep since it opened its doors in 2006. Huberman applauded the seniors for making CPS shine. "All of you in the senior class have shown that what matters is perseverance, what matters is focus, what matters is having a dream and following that dream," Huberman said. The school enforces a strict uniform of black blazers, khaki pants and red ties -...

Exactly twenty-one years ago today I was staring out of my front window as falling snow blanketed a moon lit street. I find myself doing the exact same thing tonight, an unexpected snow storm coating the landscape with white, fluffy stuff. Twenty-one years ago I was also in labor with my baby boy, angry as spit because my baby daddy didn’t think there was any reason for us to rush to the hospital. After much haranguing and threatening to call 911 for an ambulance, the man finally crawled out of bed. It took another hour for him to shower and shave before we finally left the house, traversing some very hazardous roads to get to the hospital. To my chagrin, when we finally arrived, I was already dilated nine centimeters and told I was too far along for any pain medication. The names I called the ex-husband were drowned out by the sound of a late night game show playing on the hospital room television set and the noise of the doctor and the ex playing along, both annoyed to be awake at th...

My best girl friend sent me a card once that read, "Fall seven times and stand up eight." For many, many years I carried that card with me where ever I went. It was a great source of inspiration through some difficult times, some rejections, and more moments of wanting to just give up and not give a damn than anyone cared to count. A while back I secreted that card away, knowing that old Japanese proverb had accomplished its goal, my best friend and that piece of paper moving me forward to better times and a different frame of mind. During a particularly contentious moment this weekend I went looking for that card and for a brief moment felt a wave of panic when I could not immediately lay my hands on it. Then I realized I really didn't need to, the words so ingrained in my spirit that there was nothing else for me to do but stand back up. And so I did.

A few months ago I told a lie. It wasn’t planned or intentional and when it happened, I would have done absolutely anything to take it back. Life, however, doesn’t always give you a do-over. For too many years I existed in a state of self-preservation. Sometimes a half truth or a full blown lie could keep peace in my home and the ex-hubby from going on a rampage. There were times when I weighed my options, a full blown lie was better than the fall out. Fast forward out of that relationship into a new one and I have been challenged to break some seriously bad habits. My very special friend is a man with much integrity. His tenets of truth, no matter the consequences, are admirable. Trying to meet his high standards have kept me on my toes. Trusting that this relationship would be different than my last, and therefore my behavior must be different as well, has been a true learning experience. When I told my lie I honestly believed that I was keeping nothing from becoming something. I was...

At first, I wasn’t much excited about having another birthday, but my birthday weekend was a great experience. I had a wonderful time at both of my book events. The first was a larger crowd with a multitude of activities to celebrate Black History Month. I met some great people, made a few new friends, and overall was pleased with the reception and turnout. It does a spirit good to be able to introduce my Stallion boys to folks who have never read me before. My thanks to the staff of the Wake County Public Library for inviting me to participate. The last event was for those die-hard romance readers, who already knew me and my boys. How absolutely exciting it was to meet DIVAS WHO READ, a book club out of Atlanta, Georgia, who took a road trip all the way to North Carolina to see Altonya Washington, Cheris Hodges and myself. The ladies were an absolute blast and I can’t begin to say enough about how much I love book clubs. It was my first time meeting Altonya and a great time catching ...

I wasn’t going to mention it. I wasn’t going to mention it because I didn’t sleep with Tiger so it didn’t much matter to me who he was doing during his spare time. Then he publicly emasculated himself last week issuing an apology for his many indiscretions. The man was already small so I imagine that after that fiasco whatever was left of Tiger’s manhood is probably seriously lacking in size right about now. So now I’ll mention it. Tiger didn’t owe me an apology. He didn’t owe anyone else in America an apology either. The woman he professed to honor until death did them in, is the only person he needed to apologize to and he only needed to do that in the privacy of their home, their marriage counselor’s office, or with their family priest running interference. I have no doubts that Tiger has probably uttered plenty of apologies when Mrs. Tiger was swinging that golf club in his direction. Him having a press conference to tell the rest of us how bad he felt about what he’d done, was in ...

I figured there would be no better time to promote and kick off the return of the infamous Stallion Brothers, than on my birthday. So, if you’re in the area with nothing to do, come see me! Saturday, February 20, 2010 10:00 am – 12:30 pm (3:00 pm) Wake County Public Libraries celebrates “Black History Month: A Cultural Event for All to Experience”, at the Commons Building off Poole Rd. The Friends of Wake County Public Libraries will be co-sponsoring this family-friendly program. Activities will include: a kids room, a quiz bowl, musical entertainment and a talent show. There will be a guest speaker, Ann Atwater of Durham, sharing her experience as an African American civil rights spokesperson. Other special guest include: Ken Smith/WRAL, jazz singer Toni Denise, keyboard artist Eddie Hinton, Mighty Gospel Inspirations, acapella singers - Marc, Kevin & Michael, comedienne Yolanda H. Mitchell, W. H. Amos Praise & Worship Mass Choir, and local author Deborah Fletcher Mello. Parti...