I Ain't Said Nothin' But A Word...

I’d forgotten what it was like to write just for the sake of writing. I’ve been fighting to write what other folks want from me and then feeling frustrated because I haven’t been able to write at all. I’ve known since I was a little girl that writing was my passion. It was the one thing I could do and do well and be completely fulfilled doing. It never mattered to me if I made money doing it. I just wanted to tell a good story and have whoever read it be moved by my words. I wanted to take others to the places I traveled to in my mind, to share that part of myself that people might not have been able to see. Writing elevated me above the mundane routines of everyday life and when a story came, when I could twist it and spin it until it was just right, I was in my glory. When I focused on the words rambling in my head and the voices crying out for my attention, there was no challenge I could not conquer, nothing that could ever best me. And then I found myself writing what other people

John’s not getting it and so I’m going to explain it to him in English he can understand. No woman wants to feel like a car that's being test driven. She doesn't feel pretty when the man she’s head over heels in love just seems to like that she's got all the right parts in the right places and everything seems to be working well. She doesn’t want to feel as if he's decided she handled better than the other car he was test driving last so he'll keep her around because it seems like it's the right thing to do. She doesn’t want to be the one he decides to be with simply because his friends tell him how good he looks behind the wheel or his family proclaims she handles much better than his last ride. Most especially when he thinks it’s necessary to keep running back to that other car to see if the ride has gotten any smoother since the last time it broke down on him and left him stranded on the side of the road. No woman wants to be just something for him to take a

A young woman posed an interesting question to me, believing that I might actually have an answer to her dilemma. Boy, was she wrong! Jasmine is in a new relationship with Ben. Ben has an ex-wife. I had an ex-wife once. In fact, I had two ex-wife’s and a few ex-girlfriends. I say I had them because although I wasn’t the one who’d been married to and divorced from these women, their presence in my life was undeniable. They had children with the hubby. Children who lived in our home full-time. I shared parenting responsibilities. It made for some very interesting moments. Ben and his ex have a child as well. Ben’s ex has free reign in Ben’s home, coming and going as if she still lives there. In fact, her time with Ben is substantially more than Jasmine’s time with Ben would seem to be. As well, Jasmine is more aware of the ex than the ex is aware of her. This keeps things peaceful for Ben. It ain’t doing much at all for Jasmine. Only one of the hubby’s ex’s had the audacity to believe sh

Y’all know how I do this. And if you don’t, it’s not hard to figure out. Dribbles are random thoughts that will never manifest into full-fledged posts but for whatever reason, they’ve stuck themselves into my mind and I can’t let them totally go. So, I dribble… Why does it take one pizza, a chocolate chip cookie, and a bag of potato chips to gain ten pounds and then take 280 hours of exercise and 30 days of grass and carrots to lose two? When a man says he loves you and wants you in his life, but he loves her too and can’t let her go from his life, he’s really trying to tell you that he doesn’t want you in his life. Not really. When a man truly wants you, he‘ll tell you, her and the whole world without a moment of hesitation or doubt. You know this. Now accept the fact that he really doesn’t love or want you in his life and move on. Dirty little secrets always come out sooner than later. It was never supposed to be a dirty little secret. I’m obsessing over little black dresses. I’ve p

There is something incredibly sexy about a cowboy on a horse. It is pure power personified. The only thing sexier is a powerful black cowboy on a horse. There is an annual black rodeo event hosted here in this small town of mine that I usually do not miss and wouldn’t you know it, I missed this year’s event. I swear, a woman feels like a kid in a candy shop at this function because the men are FOINE . And I do mean FOINE . They come in tight jeans, tighter tee-shirts, boots, chaps, and it is typically one delectable chocolate confection after another to satisfy any sweet tooth. And these are chocolate confections who are also successfully employed as doctors, lawyers, Indians, and chiefs. For a woman in need of some old-fashioned attention this is truly the place to be ‘cause there is no lack of men wanting to give you a ride on his horse and I’m talkin’ the four-legged variety. Although I’m sure there are some other horses that get ridden as the evening wears on, I personally don’t k

Veiled threats can come in all forms so when a man tells you that your failed marriage will not end the way you might want it to, you should trust that he does not mean you any good. Lisa is learning fast that her husband Ralph can smile his way through any amount of torture he can put her through and not think twice about doing it. The man relishes knowing that he’s got her so twisted that she can’t figure out if she’s coming or going. Fear had never been something Lisa had felt for the man but now she’s afraid. Few will ever realize that she’s more afraid of what she could do to him than what he might even imagine doing to her. And that’s because she’s raging. Lisa has walked a short tightrope with this man since forever. Her entire marriage was built on his needs with no regard for her own and her sacrificing everything she could to make him happy. Her own joy was so irrelevant that it took years for Lisa to even believe she was entitled to an ounce of joy for herself. But Lisa now

I was cleaning out some drawers and found a folder of "stuff" I've collected over the years. Clippings of articles, inspirational passages, and interesting stories that made me stop and pause. When I found this piece and reread it, the words resonated like they had never done before. I remember when it was being passed around, folks forwarding it from friend to friend, thinking that one day I would pass it on to someone in need. I needed it myself today and now I'm passing it on to someone else who might be in need as well. COMES THE DAWN by Veronica A. Shoffstall After a while you learn the subtle difference Between holding a hand and chaining a soul, And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning And company doesn't mean security, And you begin to understand that kisses aren't contracts And presents aren't promises. And you begin to accept your defeats With your head held high and your eyes open, With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child. You

The heart is truly a complicated beast and matters of the heart can be quite challenging. Despite the obvious euphoria and exhilaration associated with being in love, it is an emotion that has proven itself to be mysterious, complex, and overwhelmingly difficult to comprehend. To truly define love is damn near impossible but to experience it in all its magnificence can be life changing. I think the pain we sometimes associate with love has more to do with the baggage we attach to it than to love itself. All of our “stuff” can truly give love a bad name. Negative emotions we experience with love come from our own fears, doubts, anxiety, perceived rejections, broken trusts, anger, jealousy, envy, and the like. That broken heart truly is not broken, just inundated with all the garbage we’ve made it carry. I write about characters who are beautifully flawed. They unload their baggage between pages 145 and 175 to discover that when they allow themselves to truly open their hearts and feel,

Jessica’s got a relationship dilemma that truly has her questioning her sanity. Jessica and West have been together for months now. Their romantic relationship developed after they’d built a dynamic friendship. Because both were coming off the heels of really bad relationships they’d decided to keep their attraction to each other a secret from family and friends as they made their way around your typical new relationship bumps. And then they hit some serious bumps. Each one more devastating than the one before. So much so, that both of them were feeling overwhelmed, out of sorts, and seriously challenged. But Jessica was fighting tooth and nail to hold on to what she had with West and he with her because she truly believed in the beauty of what they shared together. And she loves him, heart and soul. Family and friends could see the duo had become closer, still not knowing though just how close the bond had actually grown. And still the couple decided they weren’t yet ready to share wh

I am usually on top of my game, but recently I’ve strayed so far off the playing field I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to find my way back onto the track. I’ve been weeding out unhealthy situations in my life and that has included some long time relationships. One in particular has had me pulling my hair out and wishing I could stick pins in my eyeballs to divert the pain elsewhere. While trying to let this relationship go, I recently made a major mistake. I truly believed that I could have a rational discussion with an irrational individual and as I should have expected, it didn’t work. Even after acknowledging all that was wrong with us, agreeing that apart was far better than together, the poor fool still didn’t have a clue. And because he was clueless, he showed his ass. (My grandmother’s description of his behavior, not mine!) I didn’t know you could call a person as many derogatory names as he had the audacity to call me and then he wanted to know what the real problem was between

I really wish I had the option of having a total and complete meltdown, forsaking every one of my responsibilities to wallow in my own personal pity party. I’d even invite other folks to join in. But I don’t have that option. Other people seem to enjoy the opportunity when it moves them, but I’ve never been one of those privileged to do so. Sure, I would like to spend a few weeks in my pajamas, hiding beneath the covers with boxes of chocolate cherries, Almond M&M’s, Orville Redenbacher popcorn and the television remote, bemoaning every bad thing happening to me, disregarding all the bullshit running through my mind and causing havoc on my daily life, but that’s not going to happen. It’s not an option for me no matter how much I would like to withdraw from the realities of life and just not give a rat’s ass. I am obligated to keep standing, to keep smiling, to keep fighting for my joy because as a woman, and a mother, and a nurturer, it’s expected of me. Most women know that fulfil

Jenny kneels in prayer every night. Sometimes she prays two or three times per day. Jenny is always praying the same prayer over and over again. Praying that God will bring her and the man she loves back together. I hated to do it but I had to tell old girl to get up off her knees. That was one prayer she truly didn’t want answered. Her man is a good guy. In fact, he’s truly a great guy. And the reason he and Jenny aren’t together is because he’s busy loving someone else. He was also decent and honest enough to tell Jenny the truth and not string her along hoping against all odds that he might actually fall head over heels in love with her. I have great respect for the brother’s integrity. Jenny hasn’t yet realized that her heavenly Father is doing her a favor to not bring them back together, most especially since her man loves someone else. Unrequited love is hardly the type of suffering the good Father had in mind when he said we’d have some tribulation in our lives. Like most of us,

Good old Mr. Ben’s up to no good. Again. Apparently the man’s been out and about visiting places he has no business being. Number one son had an all-points bulletin out after him yesterday, having not a clue where the old geezer had disappeared to. Finally tracked him down visiting the local massage parlor trying to get massaged. Unfortunately, Mr. Ben left home without his wallet and they don’t give you credit at the massage parlor. It seems that the massage parlor ladies know Mr. Ben well so they called for someone to come and get his old butt. Once he found his way back home I stopped by to visit him, to ask what he’s been up to worrying folks like he’s been doing. The man was tight lipped for a quick minute, and then he let me in on his secret. It seems that Mr. Ben has himself a raging case of blue balls. Now, I can’t attest to that fact personally, but that’s what he told me, and rather matter-of-factly as he took a quick moment to peek over his shoulder to insure Number One Son

So, I go do that annual checkup thing with the beaverologist and I’d forgotten just how uniquely disturbing it is to bare all your private goodies for the good doctor to play with. Men complain about that one finger and the rubber glove, but that’s nothing like having your feet strapped in stirrups while cold gel and metal is being heaved up your nether-lands and a man is asking how book sales are going. And I won’t even begin to express an opinion about the bubbly med student oohing and aahing over his shoulder like she’d never seen such a sight before, most especially since she has her own and had been oogling other people’s who-who’s all day long. Like most women I have my fair share of gynocologist horror stories. Thankfully they've been few and far between. One of my most memorable moments was some fifteen-odd years ago when I was being treated for a pre-cancerous cervical condition. I had to undergo an in-office procedure where they took off the top layer of diseased cells. T