I Ain't Said Nothin' But A Word...

This past Saturday we threw my father a surprise 70th birthday party. Months of preparation, tiny white lies, and a lot of creative energy paid off in a big, big way. Getting him there was a challenge since he wasn’t keen on the idea of dining out and definitely not at some restaurant that he couldn’t wear jeans and a tee shirt to. I was actually surprised that he didn’t get an inkling of it before hand but lo and behold the “secret” didn’t get exposed until mere seconds before he walked into the restaurant when he recognized an uncle’s car parked in the lot. He still wasn’t sure what was going on other than uncle had said he was going out of town and wasn’t supposed to have been there where he was. Making his way into the Club Room at the Parizade Restaurant in Durham, he was wary, sensing that something was definitely up but still not quite sure what that something was. As he made his way through the door, we started singing Happy Birthday and the man came to a fast stop. His express

I can’t seem to keep still lately. I feel like I’ve got some serious adult ADD thing going on. Sitting still and staying focused for more than ten minutes has proven to be quite a challenge for me. I just have to be moving and doing something and being home, alone, sitting still, isn’t it. I wish I could say I have an abundance of excess energy, but that’s not my problem. Truth be told I’m exhausted but I can’t seem to rest and I don’t have a clue why or what brought it on. I’ve spent much money decorating my new townhouse and making it a home. I fancy myself to be quite the interior designer and between HGTV, Ethan Allen furniture, and every interior design book on the market my once bare space could now grace the pages of any decorating magazine. After all the time and work I’ve invested in the place you would think I’d want to hang around and stay awhile. Instead, every chance I get to go I’m gone and I’m not in much hurry to come back. Go figure. Between now and Sunday I will be mo

Some things lovers say to each other should serve as relationship red flags that things aren’t quite what they should be. I spend a lot of time eavesdropping on other people’s conversations and I can’t help but wonder sometimes what folks are thinking. “Really, she slept at the foot of the bed and absolutely nothing happened! She was naked, not me!” “I did not call your mother a witch. What I called her was a bitch!” “Seriously, you couldn’t find anything else to wear? You look like a beached whale in heat!” “I felt something but it certainly wasn’t earth-shattering.” “I bought you a tank of gas. Twice! If that doesn’t say we’re in a relationship I don’t know what does." “I mean really, how much more attention do you really need?” “I know the number is in my cell phone but I don’t know that girl!” “His thighs are much bigger than yours, honey. Do you think his thing might be too?” “Oh, sorry, Tanya. Did I really call you Amber? That's so funny 'cause I don't know any A

Teenagers have more drama than a four-act Shakespearian stage production. I cannot fathom how they maneuver through each and every day like the world is coming to a complete end because boyfriends aren’t acting right, girlfriends are witches, and life just isn’t being fair to them. Since the baby boy came home from school there have been too many teenagers streaming in and out of my home. Streaming in and out with drama like you wouldn’t believe. I had gotten use to the peace and quiet so it’s been a bit disconcerting to say the least. Kids today aren’t like they were back in my day. I’m not sure if their issues are just indicative of our small town environment or not but these kids baffle me. I’m appalled at the lack of work ethic, the sense of entitlement and privilege, and this me-me-me attitude they all seem to possess. Even my own kid is racking my nerves thinking that his rise to adulthood should be about his good time being at mommy’s expense. This is a generation that thinks gr

I saw it on her face. Had I not been watching her so closely I would have missed it, but there was something in her voice, an energy and joy that caught my attention. And so I eavesdropped on her cell phone conversation, catching one side of a discussion she was having with her man. There was a hushed whisper of sweet words bantered back and forth between them and the requisite giggles and laughter that a couple occasionally shares and then she wished him a good day, told him she’d definitely see him later and before disconnecting the call, she told him she loved him. I love you. Then the expression on her face changed and in that quick instant I saw sadness wash over her. In that moment I knew that for whatever reason he hadn’t said those three words back, and for whatever reason she desperately needed to hear them. She recovered quickly, light and laughter replacing that rising cloud but in that brief moment it brought back memories of a man who didn’t, couldn’t, or wouldn’t say he l

Yesterday was Father's Day and I spent the entire day with mine. It was the longest span of time my father and I have spent together, in one room, totally focused on each other since I was a little girl. When I first started blogging back in 2006 I wrote the following tribute to my daddy, just because. Rather than come up with something new to acknowledge Father's Day it felt appropriate to revisit where I'd gone before. So this is a rerun. My first. And only for my daddy. And just because. My father named me. My mother wanted to name me Penny. Daddy wasn’t having it so my birth certificate declares my name to be Deborah Denice Fletcher. As a little girl no one was allowed to call me Debby. My father went absolutely ballistic if they did. I still cringe every time I remember him announcing quite loudly and in a tone that left people quaking in their shoes that “ her name is Deborah, NOT Debby. Deb-or-ah !”. It was particularly embarrassing in grade school at those pare

Ross Oscar Knight has the most enlightening post up on his site, complete with pictures. Have I mentioned before that the man is truly a gifted photographer? Unlock The Gift I unlocked my door ages ago and for whatever reasons I feel like I'm just hovering in the doorway, one foot in, one foot out, my body shaking with something akin to fear. Failure doesn't scare me. Success, however, keeps me shaking in my alligator boots.

You know when a relationship is working. It feels right even when things might be going wrong. My very special new friend and I have been building an extraordinary relationship. The friendship was incredible from the beginning. He was someone I talked with, laughed with, and even cried with and it was easy to do. We enjoyed each other’s company and every time together was a great time. Although we’d planned to take it very slow, to simply linger in the newness of being with each other, we seem instead to be spiraling quickly, the experience exhilarating. Recently we hit a speed bump or two or three. Typical new relationship stuff as we continue to discover each other and maneuver our way down this path we seem to be traveling together. There were misunderstandings and some confusion. Once or twice there was nothing pretty about it or us. He’s a man who believes in talking everything out. Once the emotions are on the table, aired and resolved, then it’s forgotten so you can move on. I’m

Mr. Jim Dandy gleefully confessed to being a toe-sucking aficionado. In fact, he proclaimed himself the elite master of toe-sucking this side of the Mason-Dixon Line. He shared this tidbit of information because for some reason the group of women standing in conversation looked like they needed to know Jim had a predilection for newly manicured feet. But we really didn’t. It’s difficult to look at a man the same way once you discover he's got some twisted sexual fetishes. Once Joe Neighbor-Next-Door rented the movie, Naked Midgets on Parade , from the adult room at the video store I just didn’t hold him in the same regard as I did before discovering that he gets off watching little people engaging in oral gratification atop a high-wire trapeze. Salesman Slim really through me for a loop when I discovered that he’d rented She-males in Dresses some nineteen times! That’s right, clean-cut Slim! Slim who's slicing bologna at the deli counter, Slim! Slim Jim from the Wally World, S

Melody is not happy. In fact, Melody’s doing this serious relationship dance where she’s smiling on the outside while crying on the inside. It’s got the girl feeling completely out of sorts. Melody’s been here before and it actually surprises her to find herself here again. Melody left a relationship with a man who clearly did not love or respect her. After months of refueling her self esteem and finally coming to terms with what she did and didn’t want from a relationship, Melody suddenly finds herself wading knee deep in the same crap she thought she’d gotten away from. This time the man is new and Melody can’t begin to fathom how she managed to let the same mess happen to her again. Melody spent years starved for affection and attention. Melody anticipated the new man in her life would actually want to spend time with her. Would want them to hold hands and share time together. Instead her new guy seems content with the one hour per week he might manage to squeeze into his busy sched

Eric Jerome Dickey is an author I’ve put on that “want to emulate” pedestal beside my guy, Walter Mosley. Dickey completely engages me with each and every story of his that I’ve ever read. His latest book, PLEASURE, had me reading for twelve hours straight, yellow highlighter in hand, absorbing each and every word. There was one passage though in particular that grabbed me and held on, the words resonating through my writing spirit with a vengeance. "Notes from Mr. Overworked and Underpaid New York Editor said to keep the language from being too deep, keep my vocabulary unchallenging, and do whatever I could to replace sensuality with vulgarity and crassness. I had issues with dumbing down work, for it was through the dumbing down that the writer disrespected herself, disrespected her craft. I did not want to cater to those who were afraid of words, those who embraced ignorance as if it was their favorite religion, as if they had forgotten about those who marched for their physica

Lisa had a list of complaints about her relationship with James. She says dating James is like dating two different men at the same time. It seems that James has this gnarly Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde thing going on. Lisa feels like James has a public side and a private side and he’s mindful not to let the two sides of himself come into contact with each other. In private, James is affectionate and loving making Lisa feel like she is his one and only. In public, James is cold and aloof, Lisa feeling like more of a casual acquaintance than the woman James professes to love and adore. In private, James will hold Lisa’s hand and steal kisses that make her feel like she’s a teenager all over again. In public, James holds Lisa at an arm’s length away. In private, James whispers a lot of sweet nothing into Lisa’s ear. In public, James barely talks to her let alone bother to whisper anything at all. James is overly cautious about keeping his relationship with Lisa out of the public eye. In

I was hoping to spend some time with an old friend today since my very special new friend was unavailable. In fact, after a brief discussion about doing just that I adjusted my schedule accordingly, looking forward to the old friend and I catching up over a quiet afternoon of doing absolutely nothing but enjoying the companionship. It’s been some serious time since the two of us have been able to spend quality time together. In anticipation of spending time with my old friend I turned down an invitation to spend the afternoon with someone else. The man who’d asked me out was a man I would have probably had a great time with. I would have enjoyed being in his company but I said no because truth be told he wasn’t a man I wanted to spend any serious time with. I really wanted to spend time with my other friend much, much more. As can happen with even the best laid plans my tentative ones went completely awry. So now I’m spending my Sunday afternoon alone, seriously pondering some of my ch