Tuesday, February 09, 2010


I’ve come to the conclusion that navigating a relationship can be down right exhausting. I was just finding my way back to a degree of normalcy from the devastation that had been my marriage when my very special friend and I ventured into the realm of the unknown.

Like couples do we’ve been exploring compatibility issues and expectations, taking inventory of what works between us and what doesn’t. That whole song and dance thing can really take the wind out of your sails.

Most folks assume my guy and I are married. Those who know differently will occasionally ask when we plan to take that next step. That’s when he and I both start humming…huh….wha…..aaaa…umm. That subject was one we briefly touched on when we first became involved. It’s not a subject either of us have felt a need to revisit. We each have very different reasons for not doing so.

Young love has its advantages. No baggage. No complicating factors like financial entanglements, ex-partners, or children to complicate those feel good moments. There is a greater willingness to throw caution to the wind and just jump, allowing whatever is meant to be happen. My guy and I aren’t so young anymore. We come with luggage, some of it still packed. We're liable to break something if we just jump.

Right now my guy and I are seriously bonding. What has surprised us both is the vulnerability that comes with such a powerful attachment. We don’t want to take our bond for granted, but we haven’t yet worked out a strategy to maintain the strength of our union. We’re well past that period of exhilaration you feel when you first fall in love. What’s happening between us now is whole-heartedly different. But where it will take us is still unknown.

Right now we’re just trying to maintain our balance. Day to day pressures of jobs, careers, finances, kids, lack of time, and too much pressure has sapped our energy. Even though neither of us means to I think we’ve put “us” on hold while our attention is being pulled in too many other directions. We’re both exhausted and unfortunately, although I wish I could, I can’t just manipulate our story and write us a happy ending.


Anonymous said...

As I was reading this I was laughing so hard because this could very well be my story 20+ years later with various friends asking each year so when will you and he take the next step...but one uncle swears he already attended the wedding (lol)

Deborah Mello said...

You mean that wasn't your wedding???? :>