I Ain't Said Nothin' But A Word...

I've been out of commission for the past week, recovering from laser eye surgery. I've been close to blind since I was a little girl, wearing bottle-thick eyeglasses since I was eight years old. They were not pretty. I battled contact lenses some twenty-odd years ago when they were annoying nuisances that had to be taken out and cleaned daily. This was before the era of disposal lenses that you could actually sleep in. I slept in mine a few times too but neither my doctor nor my eyes were happy about it. So I gave them up and thanked the folks who made light weight plastic lenses and more fashionable frames. And I accepted my lot in life. I would always need assistance of some sort to see. Years ago when laser eye surgery became the medical procedure de jour , I was ready. Everyone and his mother convinced me to wait to see if there were any long term residual effects they didn't yet know about and for the price of the procedure to go down to a more reasonable level. I didn...

The first amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America, loosely translated, says that the government will not make any laws that will restrain or restrict an individuals right to say or publish what they want to. Have at it, what you spew is on you. It’s these tenets of free speech that allow any of us to say and/or write what we want without fear of retribution. At least that’s what it’s supposed to do. But clearly, not all speech is free and we’ve seen example after example of that as well. Remember the Dixie Chicks and their comments about Heir Bush? Don Imus got his head handed to him this past week for exercising his right to free speech. He made a racist joke about the young women on the Rutgers basketball team, calling them “nappy-headed hos”. His comments were just ignorant and totally uncalled for, but the Constitution gives him the right to say whatever he wants to say. It was his arrogance that led him to believe that his doing so would be okay. Imus discove...

There’s something overwhelming about the lightest caress that leaves you thoroughly heated, as if the hand that just brushed against your knee held lighter fluid and a match in the fingertips. The feeling of that special someone stepping behind you, just close enough where you can feel the heat from their body but not so close that you actually make contact. It’s a sensation that is so intense that you feel as if you might actually combust from the magnitude of it. When kisses are so sweet, so overwhelmingly intoxicating that not only can’t you breathe, but you forget your name, the time of day, and the fact that you’re standing in the middle of a crowded room with every eye on you. That’s what Joely says it’s like for her and Carl. Joely and Carl are enjoying their new relationship. They were good friends first and recently allowed their connection to transition to something more. After weeks of trading some extremely passionate kisses and caresses, both are ready to take their intima...

I was tired. So tired that I took to my bed this afternoon to vegetate the day away. I was tired because being angry uses a lot of energy and I’ve been angry for a day and a half now. I realize that what I feel isn’t really anger, but hurt. I’m hurt. My feelings have been bruised and usually I have a very thick skin so I don’t know why this is bothering me as much as it is. I feel slighted by a good friend and I’m not quite sure slighted is the right word for me to use. This person didn’t necessarily do anything to me and what I’m angry/hurt about wasn’t intended to be malicious. I understand all this and could rationalize it for days but it stills stings and I do not like the feeling. I’m sure my friend’s actions came from a good place, and like I said it wasn’t something done to me, but more about what my friend wouldn’t allow me to do for her. I know her well enough to know that she hasn’t given a second thought to her actions, probably believing that what she did to usurp what I i...

Just a quick update because I'm short on time and energy. This has been an unusual week for me. Family came to visit unexpectedly, commanding attention that I had reserved for elsewhere. To say that I wasn't a happy camper was putting it mildly but what can you do when it's family. Unfortunately I didn't do well because I lost sleep, writing time, spirit, and an ounce or two of my sanity. By the end of their seven day visit I was ready to see them leave. So much so that when the alarm went off at four AM to get them to the airport for their early morning flight, I was the first one in the car, ready to go. Karma, of course, came back to bite me in the butt for my unkind thoughts. Shortly before their departure I took a nasty fall, tripping over my feet onto a gravel walkway headfirst into the front quarter panel of my car. It wasn't pretty. Three hours between doctors and I am bruised and battered like I went seven rounds in a boxing match. The lump on my forehead ...

I know a couple that is navigating their way toward what they hope will be a permanent relationship. Both sense that they would be dynamic together and they relish the moment when they can be more public with their affection for each other. They are taking it slow though, both unloading luggage they've collected separately over the years. It's excess baggage that could potentially destroy them before they can even get started on a joint journey if they're not careful to unpack and be rid of its contents. I can appreciate that they are mindful of the fact that entering a new relationship before they've dealt with their respective issues and demons will not serve either of them well. I've watched them do that courtship dance where they've slowly grown to know and appreciate each other. When the WOW-factor of what could possibly exist between them hit, it hit hard, surprising them both when they least expected it. Now they're anxious to see how far they can tak...

I don’t know what got in to me today but since last night I’ve been craving a sweet piece of chocolate like there is no tomorrow. And I mean craving it like I’m addicted and in need of a sweet tooth fix, craving it. My love for chocolate goes way beyond the call for a simple taste of sweetness. It’s a love that has become so consuming that I can’t begin to imagine anything else comparing to it. My want of it is like nothing I have ever experienced before and with each taste, I hunger for more like I’ve been starved of sugar and sweets all my life. I understand all the scientific rhetoric about chocolate stimulating the release of endorphins and natural body hormones that generate feelings of pleasure and well being, but it’s more than that for me. My chocolate desire has a strength and sensuality that I can’t begin to find the words for. Its allure is joyous and endearing. With me and chocolate there is a sense of contentment and bliss like I have never known. And I am craving it! I’m ...

It’s hell when you’re craving conversation and you can’t get anyone to talk to you. I realized after hanging up with a friend, our conversation barely lasting five minutes as he wished me a good night, that I was really in a mood to talk to someone and he was clearly not interested in talking to me. Other folks were out and about, not answering their telephone and I was feeling a little lonely. Actually, I was feeling a lot lonely. Even my baby boy wasn’t interested as he took off to spend the night with friends, clearly uninterested in talking to his mother. And so I called Mr. Ben to see how he was and he invited me to his house to shoot the breeze with him over a cup of coffee. Not only did he have coffee but also a decadent chocolate cake that one of his lady friends had made for him. It took one bite of cake and a sip of coffee (I swear he spiked it) and I was feeling a whole lot better. Mr. Ben has more wisdom packed in his wrinkled little finger than most folks will ever know in...

Dear Debby is taking a break today and maybe next week too. I'm looking for advice for myself as I try to maneuver my way through a long standing problem that has resurfaced with a vengeance. It's far easier to be an outsider looking in at someone else's problems than it is to be smack dab in the middle of your own mess. And although I welcome words of wisdom and all the advice I know good intentions can offer, I ultimately know that I am the only one who can decide what is best for me. So while I figure out what I need to do for Debby, I imagine there's little advice I'm going to be able to offer anyone else. Until the next time, take care of yourselves!

My next book, Always Means Forever , will drop in June. The new cover showed up on Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble .com this past week. I'm not head over heels in love with it but I definitely don't hate it. In fact, I'm actually impressed that the woman on the cover actually resembles the character in the book. Covers are always an issue for authors, especially those of us who don't get any say in how our covers will look. There is only one that I felt actually captured the characters and the story and that was the cover for my second book, A LOVE FOR ALL TIME . When I first saw that cover I instantly knew the exact scene from the book it represented. I loved that cover. And though I may have complained, I did truly value my other covers. They represented someone's hard work that was done on my behalf and I do appreciate that. I love the next book. It was a fun write. It's the story of Bridget Hinton and Darwin Tolliver . Bridget and Darwin were first introduced...

Ms. Betty readily admits that she made some really bad life choices. She was barely fifteen when she fell in love. Head over hills, had her slapping her mama it felt so good, in love. The object of her affection however was significantly older than she was. So much so that her daddy put them both on notice. He was off limits and if the man wanted to live a long and full life, then he had to stay as far from Ms. Betty as he could. Needless to say, neither Ms. Betty or her man paid any heed to her daddy's words of wisdom. Ms. Betty was sixteen when she became pregnant with her first child. Fearing that her father would do her honey some harm, she maneuvered to put the pregnancy on someone else, a boy closer to her own age who'd had his eye on her. When her daddy found out, he did what they did back in the day. Grabbed that shotgun by the front door and let the two mamas arrange a nice family wedding, quick and fast. Devastated, Ms. Betty's true love went his own way and marr...

I hate being sick. And whatever this bug is knocked me down and has been kicking me on the ground ever since. Whatever it is has swept through the schools and businesses here. My son had it first. I caught it from him and we passed it on to the hubby for good measure. Heaven forbid one of us be spared the misery. Otherwise, all is well on this end. I could complain, but why bother. It doesn't do a soul any good. The weather has finally turned and I am happy, happy, happy! I love summer. I love everything about it. Most especially the heat. Give me hot any day of the year and I'm one happy, happy camper. And, I'm in love. Just giddy, gushing, can't get enough, in love. It's got me so wide open that I can't stand my own damn self I've been so bubbly. It's been so good it has me doing things I know I've got no business doing but love will do that to you. Turn you stupid when you least expect that it will. I would tell you who and/or what I'm in love...

Dear Debby, I have the responsibility of caring for my elderly father. He suffers from lung cancer, congestive heart failure and poor circulation because of diabetes. His prognosis is not good and recently I had to arrange for hospice. My problem is my brother and sister. Both are giving me grief that I am trying to rush daddy to his grave. Neither has stepped up to help me but they both question every decision I have had to make. Currently, daddy is kept medicated to keep him comfortable. My sister has called everyone in the family to tell them I am keeping him drugged to destroy the last few months he may have. I'm emotionally exhausted and tired of fighting with my family. I love my father and I don't know what to do. Can you give me some words of wisdom or help? First, my hats off to your for stepping up to the plate as you have. I know from personal experience that caring for an elderly family member with no support takes a lot out of you so I applaud all your efforts. You...

I have the flu and I feel like crap. So Dear Debby will return next week in its usual time and place.

There are things my mama didn’t tell me growing up and I’m fairly certain your mamas didn’t tell you either, ‘cause none of these things have ever come up on the Girlfriends, honey, hush yo’ mouth! Network . Imagine my surprise to learn that we might experience thinning and loss of our pubic hair. Certainly not the topic of discussion at any dinner table I’ve been at, but you would think someone could have prepared a girl for the morning after her milestone birthday when she wakes up looking like her vajayjay done been waxed and peeled, and it wasn’t. We had the sex talk. Mama said don’t do it. I did it anyway. She prepared me for my first period, proclaiming it my admission into womanhood. More like my admission into hell but hey, at least she told me. When I was pregnant she had all kinds of expert advice to offer but of course she conveniently forgot to mention the constipation, hemorrhoids, and other assorted ills that would attack my body. And let’s not even mention what happens ...

I’m in this weird place right now. I’ve spent the day consumed by first kisses. Remember them? That first moment of connection that leaves you with that giddy high in the pit of your stomach. Those moments just before when you’re worried about your breath and your teeth and if your nose will go where it’s supposed to go. That moment after when you’ve replayed every second of it frame by frame, over and over again in your mind. When you’re enchanted by the sheer beauty of it or grossly disappointed by the excess slobber and bruising your mouth may have just taken. I’ve had some great first kisses and some really bad first kisses. I remember a high school honey who had the mouth of a God. Kissing him was like flying on something so good you knew it had to be illegal. He actually wrote me a note in math class the day after our first kiss to ask where I’d learned to kiss so well. Unfortunately the math teacher intercepted the passing of that note, read it to the class, and our moment of sh...

I did not like the first book that I wrote. In fact, I disliked it so much that my affection for it bordered on that thin line between love and hate. And I should clarify that I had liked my original manuscript, but the edited, published version of the book took the story in a direction that I hadn’t been prepared to go. Sure, it was a story about love, but it wasn’t a love story. Deleting eighty pages and manipulating select text made it a love story and Deborah the Romance Author was born. Interestingly enough, diehard romance fans hated it. It didn’t fit the mold of a romance book and I had to learn how to give them what they were looking for. I’m feeling much the same way about a book I just finished and it hasn’t hit that editing, publishing stage yet. I’m fairly confident that there will be few changes when it does because it fits the pattern of romance that is expected of romance authors with just a hint of my true flavor to identify it as one of mine. And therein lies my frust...

Dear Debby, I really like your blog. I have a quick question since you write a lot about relationships and romance. What does love feel like? I don’t think I’ve ever been in love. Thanks. First, thank you. I appreciate the support. Now, I don’t know that I can tell you what love feels like, but I can certainly tell you what it shouldn’t feel like. Love should not hurt. And I don’t care what anyone else says, there should be no pain associated with love. I personally think to believe otherwise is a load of crap. Love should make you giddy with joy. It should make you feel that anything is possible. When you know true love you want to be more than you have ever imagined yourself being. You work to be a better person overall. Love should make you feel valued. It should never leave you questioning your choices or feeling that you are less than the extraordinary creature that you are. Love should be about everything that is right and good. When you find that special person, you’ll know it’s...

Thought I would share the beginnings of a new story with you. I've been told by the powers that be that this beginning is not strong enough. I'd like to know what you think. He called my mother a whore, appearing to spit the venomous word past his thin lips as easily as Reverend blew the gospel every Sunday morning. My mother’s heart had grown cold, the stare she gave him even colder, and it was at that very moment, that my understanding of adults, of women, and all their issues, spun into an embodiment of chaos. I stood there in the hallway, the chill of the moment pervading the air, and though the temperature outside was well over eighty degrees, there in that foyer, I stood frigid, my limbs frozen in place from the cold. My body shivered as I felt the look my mother passed over his face, meeting his eyes with her own intense gaze. Her response was reserved, the comments directed at his manhood, piercing his ego like the sharp blade of a machete. Then, just as quickly as the ...

I’m pissed. I am so pissed that I’m spitting pure venom at anyone and everyone who is getting in my way today. At the core of my anger are men who should know better and a little girl who should have better. A friend of mine was in conversation with an acquaintance of his. The two men were sharing family exploits as I entered the room, sitting down at a table to join them. The acquaintance shared that he was having a personal problem with his eight-year old granddaughter. The child is caught between warring parents, a messy divorce gone completely awry. Mommy and Daddy share custody of her, shuttling her back and forth two and three times a week. Every other weekend she lives with her father, his brother, three adult male cousins, and an elderly grandmother. The other half of her life is spent with her mother and her maternal grandparents in their family home. The acquaintance told us of an experience where the granddaughter wanted to cuddle in his lap. Cuddling was just fine until the...