I eavesdrop on a lot of
conversations. It’s a bad habit of sorts
but eavesdropping on some verbal exchanges helps me determine how some of my
characters may or may not interact with one another. It gives me material to pull from when I have to write those verbal interactions.
Today, as I shopped my favorite
store, I couldn’t help overhearing an exchange between a group of young women. Young being old enough to know better. They were lamenting men and fathers and sperm
donors--- "baby daddy" being the term of choice.
One of them was bemoaning her boyfriend’s other lover forcing her
child into the neat little package that was now his life. The current girlfriend had issues with him
and his responsibilities.
One of her friends had the
audacity to comment that were that man stepping up to the plate to be a decent
father and take responsibility for the child that was his child, then that baby’s
mama wouldn’t have to force anything on any of them. After their terse discussion I didn’t get the
impression that the two women would continue to be friends.
It made me revisit my book The Right
Side Of Love. There was a father in that
story who didn’t want to be a father until it served his own personal
needs. The main character was a woman
who didn’t force him to be responsible for his son, not wanting to be that kind
of woman. This father turned his back on
his family, moved cross country and suddenly set down roots with a new wife and
new kids, proving himself to be quite the paternal figure, all the while
ignoring that he had another child who also needed him. It was one of my best books and, of course,
there was a very happy ending.
The young woman with the issues couldn’t seem to grasp that
if her man could so easily dismiss one child, then her own children with him
might not stand a fighting chance. Heaven
forbid if her children might one day have need of a father and his new woman needed him not to be.
Her friend tried to make her understand that
if the boyfriend were half the man she thought him to be then he would be
gladly making himself emotionally and financially accessible to all of his
children, their well-being first and foremost in his heart. She stressed again and again that it should only
have been about his child, who didn’t ask to be born in the midst of all their
mess.
But girlfriend wasn’t hearing any of it. As long as her man was playing daddy when she
needed him to, she wasn’t concerned about any of his other offspring. She couldn’t comprehend wanting better for
herself, and more importantly, wanting a better example of a man for her own children
to one day admire, respect and emulate.
Sadly, for her, having a small piece of a man was better than not
having a man at all.
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