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ON MY OWN


I’ve been blocked and I’m moving my way past it as evidenced by my many posts today. I’m writing. Not necessarily what I need to be writing but at least the words are flowing.

I’ve got tons of stuff on my mind and too much unnecessary crap going on in my life right now. This doesn’t help with writing the story I need to be writing. What’s fueling my creative spirit isn’t necessarily the kind of combustible material I’m in desperate need of. But hey, what can you do.

A while back I posted about my crazy kin and her imaginary friends (February 23, 2007). I got called on the carpet for believing that my relative needed a serious reality check. It was my opinion that the lies and secrecy of her life weren’t in her best interest. Someone said that maybe I really didn’t have a clue what her best interests were. My own personal situation of late has me even more convinced that some secrets aren’t always healthy for a soul.

I admit that I’ve not always shared my drama with my loved ones. More times than not I kept my demons to myself, not wanting others to see me and mine in an unfavorable light. Needless to say, the open book of my life wasn’t open but so wide and only the parts that shined ever came through. It’s those darker demons that have been rearing their ugly head, moving me to make some serious life changes. But friends and family don’t believe the truth of my situation because never before have they had any indication that all wasn’t quite right in my world. Their disbelief has left me with little support at a time when I could surely use a helping hand and a shoulder or two to lean on.

I’ll get through this battle on my own though. I don’t have any other choice, my future depending on it. Hindsight being twenty-twenty, had I trusted in those who’ve always supported me, and had I not been a little crazy myself, I might not feel so lost and alone right now. This is a feeling I wouldn’t wish on anyone and definitely not on my crazy kin if it can be avoided.
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