I haven’t been sleeping well lately and it’s starting to show. In fact, I’m starting to feel like the walking dead as I hover over my keyboard. I’m averaging maybe three or four hours per night. Friday night I didn’t sleep at all. Saturday night was better. I slept for two hours straight. I doubt that I’ll get into my bed before three tonight and I have to be up and out of the house by eight o'clock tomorrow morning. There’s too much noise clouding my head. My peace and quiet is being disrupted, the weight of it pressing harshly against my spirit. I’m running on borrowed energy and I imagine when it comes time to collect payment I may well have to steal something from Peter to pay off Paul.
Part of my problem is I’m cold. Summer weather came fast and hard, temperatures rising hot and humid. Other folks can’t take the heat and so I suffer under air-conditioning that blows ice twenty-four seven. I’m bundled under coats and blankets and I hate having to wear so much clothing inside when it’s 90 degrees outside.
I’m also restless. I need to sit still and I can’t. Clutter and static won’t let me relax. I keep thinking there’s something I need to be doing and I can’t for the life of me figure out what that something might be. I understand that I need to be making some important decisions but I can’t focus long enough to figure out one plan from the other, everything seeming to be muddled in my mind.
I’m tired. And I want to close my eyes. But when I do, I don’t like what I see. The past is haunting, clouding my rest with bitter memories of a time and place I’d rather not remember. And so I do not sleep. There is no rest, insomnia reigning supreme. Insomnia sucks big time!
Tomorrow someone will ask how I’m doing and I’ll lie. I’ll tell them that I’m doing fine. Makeup will cover the telltale signs of my insomnia. But I’m not sleeping and there’s something not fine about that at all.