Whew! Am I tired! I am almost glad to see this weekend come to an end. It has been a rollercoaster of extremely high ups and extremely low lows. For a while there I wasn’t quite sure what was going on with me. You can just imagine what everyone else was thinking.
My favorite cousin gave me the swift kick I apparently needed and things began to slowly fall into place. According to him it was as if I were standing on the edge, ready to jump, and someone just needed to talk me down.
I have endured a great deal of loss in the past couple of years. My eldest son started the cycle, passing too quickly from cancer. I ended my failed marriage. All of my kids have moved on without me. My career seems to have floundered. Now, my beloved grandmother is barely hanging on by a thread and I am having to face the mortality of my parents who are both suffering from failing health. And to add insult to injury, my two dogs died.
I have barely been holding on, trying to pretend that things were well when in fact they were not. It has been too much in a very short period of time and just like that the last straw finally snapped what little fortitude I had left.
I have bumped heads with folks I love most and over things that weren’t worth bumping heads about. And now I am tired.
It’s time for a serious break. I need to grieve, to walk myself through the many stages of bereavement that are haunting me. Then I need to regroup and reclaim everything that has been good for me and even better to me.
Say a prayer for me. Please.