CRAZY KIN AND IMAGINARY FRIENDS

I don’t usually bite my tongue over much. But I have a family member who has had me biting my tongue for most of her life and for no other reason than I have wanted to keep peace between me and the old people. I have, however, come to a point where peace may well be damned whether I bite or not.

As children we had imaginary playmates, fictional friends that may have disappeared as quickly as they revealed themselves. As teens, it became a joke between sisters that this family member was still playing with her imaginary friends, pretending they were real. And though we laughed behind cupped hands, there was something sad about a young woman who had no true friends or friendships to speak of.

This exceptionally bizarre behavior continued into adulthood and to this day, no one in the family has ever met any of the female friends or boyfriends that this person continually talks about. The men she has claimed to love or care for have typically gone by single syllable monikers with no known addresses or social security numbers. Mysteriously, folks were always away or unavailable to attend family functions or participate in our gatherings and activities. Her birthdays and graduations were missed and family dinners conveniently ignored or disregarded. The last time, the boyfriend of two years who allegedly lived some thirty miles from my Carolina home couldn’t make the half hour drive for Christmas dinner to meet the family because he was working late. Nor could they ever spare a moment to stop and say hello when they’d be passing through on a road trip.

We all ignored the strangeness for a very long time, and then one day I’d had enough. There was something disconcerting about her spending time with men who had no faces any of us could recognize. I imagined her disappearing into little jars in some freak’s refrigerator and I told her so. I envisioned trying to describe her associates to the police and not having a clue that anyone could follow. I told her that no matter how dysfunctional she believed our clan to be, we really were not so bad that she couldn’t bring her friends home to meet her family. Suddenly there was no more talk of boyfriends or female friends that shared her space and time.

And then came Fred. People knew Fred. Fred actually existed. And Fred apparently had bedroom skills that sent our girl right over the edge of what little sanity she ever had. She regaled a parent with story after story about all that she and Fred shared. Fred did this and Fred did that. She never told the rest of us anything, choosing to keep tales of her and Fred to herself as they got to know each other better. While all of us were celebrating her real relationship with a live human being, Fred was doing some celebrating of his own. Celebrating that clearly did not include our girl.

Fred was seen recently celebrating the birth of a new child. Celebrating with photos of the baby, the girlfriend, the new house, and a new car. Three of us have asked about this strange turn of events. Three of us have gotten very different answers to the same question. One was told that she and Fred really weren’t that serious. Another giggled as she claimed Fred was just a sex thing. The parent was told that folks are lying on Fred. That Fred claims to have never had any children. That we are all just trying to sabotage her chance at happiness.

I’m not biting my tongue any more. Girlfriend needs a serious reality check and some professional help as well. The old folks have come to her defense, wanting to believe that she would not purposely deceive them so. That most of her life couldn’t possible have been imagined. So peace be damned because I’m tired of pretending that imaginary friends are actually real and relatives aren’t acting like complete and utter fools believing the crazy crap our kin is spewing.