Friday, June 06, 2008


Mr. Jim Dandy gleefully confessed to being a toe-sucking aficionado. In fact, he proclaimed himself the elite master of toe-sucking this side of the Mason-Dixon Line. He shared this tidbit of information because for some reason the group of women standing in conversation looked like they needed to know Jim had a predilection for newly manicured feet. But we really didn’t. It’s difficult to look at a man the same way once you discover he's got some twisted sexual fetishes.

Once Joe Neighbor-Next-Door rented the movie, Naked Midgets on Parade, from the adult room at the video store I just didn’t hold him in the same regard as I did before discovering that he gets off watching little people engaging in oral gratification atop a high-wire trapeze.

Salesman Slim really through me for a loop when I discovered that he’d rented She-males in Dresses some nineteen times! That’s right, clean-cut Slim! Slim who's slicing bologna at the deli counter, Slim! Slim Jim from the Wally World, Slim! Yes, him did and now I have to go across town to the Winn Dixie for my bologna because I can’t look Salesman Slim in the eye without wondering why?

I’m discovering that folks are freaks and I didn’t know so many of them were checking me out in the grocery line, sitting beside me in church and teaching little Junior in the classroom every day. Just this morning the manager of the local pizza pen stood next to me in line at the post office chatting away on her cell phone. Me and the other three people standing in line could hear the party on the other end ask her how soon she was planning on getting back home. When she asked the man why, we all nearly fell out from embarrassment at his response. Apparently it was time for breakfast and cat was on his menu. The kitty he was interested in eating however, was standing in line with us. That’s what we got for eavesdropping!

Then Mr. Dandy felt it necessary to add his two cents and tell us about sucking toes and my impression of small town America suddenly headed in a whole other direction away from wholesome.

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