Wednesday, October 10, 2007


I am usually on top of my game, but recently I’ve strayed so far off the playing field I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to find my way back onto the track. I’ve been weeding out unhealthy situations in my life and that has included some long time relationships. One in particular has had me pulling my hair out and wishing I could stick pins in my eyeballs to divert the pain elsewhere.

While trying to let this relationship go, I recently made a major mistake. I truly believed that I could have a rational discussion with an irrational individual and as I should have expected, it didn’t work. Even after acknowledging all that was wrong with us, agreeing that apart was far better than together, the poor fool still didn’t have a clue.

And because he was clueless, he showed his ass. (My grandmother’s description of his behavior, not mine!) I didn’t know you could call a person as many derogatory names as he had the audacity to call me and then he wanted to know what the real problem was between us. I’m sorry, the problem is your total lack of respect for me and mine, you sorry son-of-a-…

I was so tempted to blow a few derogatory names back at him, but I didn’t. I bit my tongue instead and then I cried. Understanding that this person and this relationship bring out the very worst in me was why I needed to let it and him go. Toxic doesn’t even begin to describe how we can be with each other, the aftermath of time spent in each other’s company leaving me broken, feeling as if I am just a fragment of my true self. It’s taken some deep, deep soul searching to realize and understand that I don’t have to allow any individual to tear the core of my soul to shreds while doing it in the so-called name of love. Some things aren’t right, and tearing a loved one down to build yourself up is just one of those things.

And so I’ve let that go and I’m in a better place for doing so. I’m unpacking my baggage and getting it well out of my way. If it’s not working for me, it’s got to go from my life and it’s got to go now. So, that’s one bad relationship done and finished and sadly, I’ve got a few more that need to go.

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