Saturday, September 19, 2009


The dynamics of past relationships can most assuredly linger with you longer than you would like. Sometimes we don’t know just how long. The ex-hubby and I do not have a civil relationship. My children are disturbed by it. Other people don’t understand it.

My very special friend asked me what or who was keeping the ex and I from being friends, most especially for the sake of our children. You see, he and his baby mama are very good friends, but that’s a blog for another day. He also doesn’t see any reason for folks to still be harboring animosity but that, as well, is a whole other post.

At the time I didn’t have the words to explain what I knew. I really didn’t think the man would understand it. Having lived it most of my adult life I don’t know if it really makes much sense to me. And then when the ugly of it rears up for attention, it does.

My baby boy resides with his father. This sometimes requires me to meet him in the driveway of their home. I’m not allowed past the front gate. Rarely, if ever, do I come into contact with his father. My son works diligently to time it that way. This morning was an exception. My baby boy didn’t expect his father to come back for something he’d forgotten. The man pulled into the driveway just seconds ahead of me.

Seeing no reason not to be polite I wished my ex a good morning. He asked me what I wanted. I had forgotten how easily he can lace a simple question with so much profanity.

With the level of discomfort rising, my conversation with my baby boy was exceptionally brief. As I made my exit I told his father, who was standing guard over his front porch, to have a good day. The man responded by grabbing the cheeks of his behind and telling me to kiss his very wide ass. The look of dismay on my child’s face broke my heart. Again.

In the confines of my marriage it was one thing when the abuse impacted only me. It was something all together different when my children were impacted by it. Their father didn’t care who it touched as long as he left a trail of devastation behind him.

An individual who doesn’t care about anyone or anything isn’t interested in being anyone’s friend. When that individual wasn’t a friend in the relationship they most assuredly can’t be a friend out of it. My ex-husband has never been my friend, most especially when we were married. I find it highly unlikely that this will ever change.

Things change when people want it to change. Historically, my ex-hubby has never been much interested in anything changing.

And what I also know for certain is that my finally being happy and no longer controlled by his abuse pisses my ex-husband right off. So much so that he can’t fathom moving past all of his anger to at least be decent for the sake of our children. He wished me ill will in the relationship and right now his hatred for me is palpable.

Some things will never change.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

People who have never been in a relationship such as this can never fully understand it, some ex-spouses don't want to be friends, plain and simple, it is sad but very true.