NAVIGATING A CONVERSATION

Navigating a conversation with my old people is proving to be quite entertaining and somewhat of a challenge. I am now adequately settled in with my granny. We’ve already bumped heads. First was over my having a key. It would seem that folks with keys to her home might sneak in and rob her. I told her since I was now living there, that was highly unlikely. She said you can never be too safe. I still don't have a key.

Then she insisted on cooking me a welcome home dinner. She’s not supposed to cook and I told her so, making it perfectly clear that I would take care of our meals. This morning I get this frantic call on my way to work that she had put a pan of meat into the oven to bake and she couldn’t get it out. She was afraid it would burn and I needed to rush right back to help her. She didn’t see why I would have a problem turning around to travel ten miles back home when I was already late.

I’ve come to realize that there are many lessons to be learned with this experience. Patience is one of them. This was our conversation before I left.

Granny: You know your Aunt Rosalie died in this house, don’t you?
Me: So you’ve said before.
Granny: And your Aunt Jane too. She was watching Phil Donahue. Then she was dead.
Me: Maybe she should have watched Oprah instead.
Granny: Auntie died here too. In the kitchen. She was cooking dinner and she had a heart attack. She burned the rice.
Me: I guess if you’re dead things like that can happen.
Granny: But it was a good pot of food. Just wasted.
Me: So, why didn’t y’all just cut the rice pot off before it burned?
Granny: ‘Cause Auntie was dead. How are we supposed to be worrying about the rice when the woman is laying dead on the floor?
Me: Seems like you all had the same problem.
Granny: No. She should have cut the pot off first.
Me: Before she died?
Granny: Wouldn’t have wasted a good pot of food if she had.
Me: Did you tell her so?
Granny: When?
Me: When she burned the rice.
Granny (With an exasperated sigh): What part of she was dead don’t you get?

SIGH! If I can make it through this without being a blubbering idiot it will be a miracle. SIGH!