Tuesday, February 23, 2010


A few months ago I told a lie. It wasn’t planned or intentional and when it happened, I would have done absolutely anything to take it back. Life, however, doesn’t always give you a do-over.

For too many years I existed in a state of self-preservation. Sometimes a half truth or a full blown lie could keep peace in my home and the ex-hubby from going on a rampage. There were times when I weighed my options, a full blown lie was better than the fall out.

Fast forward out of that relationship into a new one and I have been challenged to break some seriously bad habits. My very special friend is a man with much integrity. His tenets of truth, no matter the consequences, are admirable. Trying to meet his high standards have kept me on my toes. Trusting that this relationship would be different than my last, and therefore my behavior must be different as well, has been a true learning experience.

When I told my lie I honestly believed that I was keeping nothing from becoming something. I was wrong. Nothing instead became an insurmountable wall that came crashing down on top of me.

I am still paying the consequences for my untruth. No amount of apologizing or explaining has been able to take the bad taste of it away. I am reminded of my failings when I least expect it. I have been made to understand that my actions have cast me in a whole other light, doubt surrounding everything else I do. I’m not going to get me a do-over.

Some lessons don’t come easy. But they do come.


Monica said...

Life is just one big do over.

Everybody makes mistakes. If you feel judged for one of yours, I mean from outside, not just within yourself--I'd consider it a red flag.

I have a newish relationship myself. I do try to avoid them best I can, but sometimes they just show up.

I don't sweat 'em.

Deborah Mello said...

Thank you. I needed that.