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DEAR DEBBY - 3/11/2007

Dear Debby,

I really like your blog. I have a quick question since you write a lot about relationships and romance. What does love feel like? I don’t think I’ve ever been in love. Thanks.

First, thank you. I appreciate the support. Now, I don’t know that I can tell you what love feels like, but I can certainly tell you what it shouldn’t feel like. Love should not hurt. And I don’t care what anyone else says, there should be no pain associated with love. I personally think to believe otherwise is a load of crap. Love should make you giddy with joy. It should make you feel that anything is possible. When you know true love you want to be more than you have ever imagined yourself being. You work to be a better person overall. Love should make you feel valued. It should never leave you questioning your choices or feeling that you are less than the extraordinary creature that you are. Love should be about everything that is right and good. When you find that special person, you’ll know it’s love when you feel as good about yourself and him/her when you’re apart as you do when you’re together. That’s just my opinion. But trust me when I tell you, when it happens, you’ll know.

Dear Debby,

I want to have a baby but my boyfriend says he will leave me if that happens. What should I do?

Don’t get pregnant.

Since I don’t know how old you are I can only imagine that you haven’t been around the block enough to understand that when a man tells you he’s not interested in being the father of your children, he usually means it. If you are seriously considering bringing another life into this world, be in a position to care for all of that child’s needs, including being two parents if your male friend bails on you. Babies are expensive and they don’t get any cheaper as they get older. They also require a significant sacrifice of your time and energy if you are going to be a good parent. It's hard enough when you're in a relationship that's working. It can be pure hell when you're not. So don’t be in a rush. Make sure you have your stuff together before you travel that road. Own your own home, your own car. Finish school if that’s in the cards for you. Just don’t make a rash decision to get pregnant because you think it’s going to help you keep your man. As for your boyfriend, he’s made his position known. Respect it. And think about getting a new boyfriend. A man who not only comes to the table with as much or more than you, but who wants the same things for your life, and his, as you do. Personally, the boyfriend you have doesn’t sound like he’s much of a winner.

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