Thursday, July 06, 2017

BETTER THAN GOOD


For one whole month I disconnected myself from my life as I knew it. I ran away. Literally. I cut myself off from social media, ignored friends and some family, and spent serious quality time with me, myself, and I. I crawled into my own private little space and I reflected on the past, settled into the present and reevaluated my goals for the future. When I started I didn't have a clue what I needed or what it was going to take to get me where I needed to be. But I had hope. Taking that leap of faith into the unknown was one of the best decisions I’ve made in a very long time.

I needed to become reacquainted with myself. Life had thrown me some serious punches that felt gut deep and had knocked me to my knees. More times than not I wasn’t sure if I was coming or going. Depression became a real thing. I was keeping those I loved most at an arm’s length. I refused to let people in. I was scared, suddenly questioning my own mental health. I didn’t know myself anymore and I had stopped trusting my instincts. It had been years since I’d been that conflicted.

The first week was the most difficult. I was unable to relax, refusing to let myself unwind. I continued to worry about things I had no control over, fearing everything would eventually blow up in my absence. But then those imagined emergency calls never came. I discovered what it was to sleep for a solid eight hours and wake feeling renewed. I watched the sun rise and started my day with renewed purpose. I spent hours in prayer and reflection and extended periods where I thought about absolutely nothing.

I read, devouring books like I hadn’t been able to do in years. And I wrote. There was no pressure, no distractions, and the words flowed like running water. It was a beautiful thing and I was in awe of how much I had missed the ease of it all.

Before I knew it the month came to an end and suddenly I had to return to other people’s schedules, and deadlines, and the stress and pressures that sent me into hibernation in the first place. But I came back revived, and invigorated, with a whole new attitude. I had let go of so much anger and frustration and I no longer had doubts about decisions and choices I’d made. I’d accepted that there were some people I couldn’t come back to and cutting them from my life was for the best. Although I reluctantly reloaded all of my social media apps, I know the necessity of those connections. I reordered my steps, comfortable with the direction I planned to follow.

Although I still experience moments of guilt, I know that I need to put myself first if I am to be of any value to anyone else. No is a complete sentence and I’m no longer concerned what others might think if I use it. Claiming time and space for my needs was life altering. That brief period of self-care lifted a very dark cloud that had been hovering over me. I saw the light at the end of that tunnel. I reprioritized and I am better for it.

In this moment, I am good.

In fact, I am better than good…for now. And mostly, I am immensely grateful. 

16 comments:

Kimberlee Stevenson said...

Self care is a such a necessary aspect of life. I'm glad you were able to take some time just for you. Missed you on social media but I know first hand how important it is to take care of yourself first. Continue to bask in the presence of peace. May your goals and dreams be fulfilled through your purpose.

Nanette said...

Peace be unto you my friend.

Deborah Mello said...

Thank you Kimberlee! Most appreciated Nanette!

Nancy Russo said...

Thank you Deb. You're words feel so familiar and remind me of what I need to for self. ��

Deborah Mello said...

Sending you hugs, Nancy!

BeverlyD said...

Much love to you. I know you will be even better than ever and can relax and know there is a method in all the madness and everything will fall into,place at the right time. Continue to take care of you......mind, body and soul❤❤❤❤

Marion Wilson said...

I knew you had gone through a rough patch. I am glad you were able to reconnect with yourself. Depression is no joke. You were truly missed. Continuous prayer for you!

Deborah Mello said...

Thank you Beverly!

Deborah Mello said...

Thank you Marion!

Marion Wilson said...

❤️❤️❤️❤️

Unknown said...

THANKS Deborah!!! I'm glad you got what YOU needed and are much better for it! So much of what you said is hitting home along with good advice.

LaVern Perscell said...

Powerful and thought provoking. It is something all should do if we are to remain sane, functional and a survivor. I am happy you are back but glad you are back, better than ever!!! ❤️��

Yvonne Glover said...

May God continue to shine his light and many blessings on you. I really need to follow your example. Continue to be blessed.❤❤

Iris Bolling said...

Deborah I admire so much about you. You uplifted and inspire in just about everything you do. This is no different. You showed us, it's okay to take time for yourself. It's okay to let go of stressful situations. It's okay to release anger, and relex your mind. You and your inner peace is important to us, because simply put, we love you. Welcome back, you were missed.

Edwina Putney said...

Welcome back Deborah. So happy you found peace in your solitude. Mental clarity, peace of mind, and balance are crucial. Now that you've returned to social media, continue to regularly 'tune out' and refocus.

Unknown said...

Deb your inspiration sends me to a better level in life keeping it short keep living your the best author