Thursday, July 03, 2008


Jenna is desperate for a man. And I mean DESPERATE with capital letters and exclamation points!!!. So desperate in fact that she is stalking every nook and cranny a man might be hiding in hoping that somehow, somewhere Prince Charming is going to fall off a turnip truck and break the sound barrier to get to her side. Some of her antics have had me cringing. She is so hungry for some male attention that one very unladylike tactic actually had me blushing with embarrassment. I mean really, riding her 10-speed bicycle up to a group of bikers parked in front of a very roughneck biker bar and asking how they liked her ride left everyone shaking their heads in disbelief. Even the toothless guy who looked like he was ready to deliver triplets in his stylish overalls didn’t want her telephone number.

Men can smell desperation. And like most unpleasant funk they run fast and far from it. I can’t ever remember wanting a man that badly. And if I did I’m thankful there are no residual memories of it left in my Dumb Dora Databanks. I keep preaching subtle to her but she’s not getting it. But how hard is it to figure out that if a man can’t see under your blouse he might be interested in exploring those regions later. When him, his brother, father, uncles, and best friends can all see the goodies there isn’t much left for any of them to get excited about and she has made showing her goodies a fashion statement.

I had a friend once who was head over heels in love with a business associate. Problem was he had a wife and a few mistresses. In fact, I actually lost count of the number of women he was banging at any given time. But them picture-perfect baby blue eyes and that blonde boy swagger had the females swooning like they’d lost their minds. This friend went to some serious extremes to get his attention. One night we were all attending a business function at a hotel the company’s sales staff was staying in and girlfriend books herself a suite to the tune of some $689 per night to get the last available bed so she could at least be three floors away from him.

Excited, she calls up to his room on the house telephone to give him the good news. Boyfriend smiled politely into the receiver then asked to speak to me. I knew we were all in for trouble when the first question out of his mouth was whether or not my friend could hear our conversation. Of course I said no as I tilted the receiver to her ear so she could eavesdrop on whatever it was he wanted to tell me. And what he wanted was to tell me I had an open invitation to his room and his bed anytime I wanted. Once they both understood that wasn't an invitation I was interested in, her desperation kicked in. An hour later girlfriend knocks on his door in the sheerest lace teddy she could strap her double-D’s in. Unfortunately, boyfriend had already found another playmate to entertain himself with and since he couldn’t convince her to enjoy a threesome the moment didn’t go over well. Did she catch a clue? No. Desperation had her foaming at the mouth and barking like a bitch in heat for weeks after. I still don’t know if he ever added her name to the lengthy notches on his belt but I’m banking no. She didn’t give him much of a challenge and the smell of desperation had clearly turned him off.

Jenna needs to catch a clue and quick. But if I don’t know anything else, I know this. I ain’t hanging out with her no more!

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