Friday, July 30, 2010


I swear, I am the bane of all computers. I’m like kryptonite to a keyboard. In the past year, my personal computer has blown up on me no less than three times. The last time it heaved its very last breath, it took much money to recover the files that I failed to back up. Then the computer geek technician advised that it needed yet another hard drive replacement. Opting for a much cheaper route I commandeered baby boy’s computer, applying its depreciated value against my son-shine’s outstanding debt to mommy dearest. That computer is now in the shop getting what…a hard drive replacement, having blown up on me last week. Thank goodness for baby boy’s extended warranty!

My very special friend has allowed me to use his computer while I am laptop-less. Then last night, while attempting for the umpteenth time to write a blog post, his electronic gadget heaved a low sob and went blank. I pushed buttons, unplugged cables, re-plugged cables into different outlets, pushed buttons some more and then sheepishly told the boyfriend that yet again, I had killed another one. (BIG SIGH)

So now I’m at the library. If this one keels over there are nine more for me to get my hands on. If need be, I’ll play musical computers until I can get this post written and actually posted. Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

This summer has had its share of extreme highs and some exceptionally low lows. I am in desperate need of a vacation but there isn’t one coming any time soon ‘cause I am broke. The very special friend got to go gallivanting on an island cruise for a week. I had to work and got left behind. I won’t say I was jealous but I admit to having had some issues. I did get pretty gifts (of the gold and diamond variety) when he returned, so I could only pout so much. And he has promised me our own private holiday before the year is out. So, like most things, I know I’ll get over getting left behind.

At the moment I am in a serious state of flux, caught between my wants and my needs and not quite sure what direction I’m headed in. With the SOLD sign officially posted on my grandmother’s residence, I need to find me a house. I am desperately wanting to finally have myself a home. The very special friend has been kindly housing me but he’s not ready for anything permanent and I don’t want to wear out my welcome and risk ruining all that’s good about our relationship. I feel as if I’m trapped between the proverbial rock and the hard place.

There’s a part of me thinking that when I do make a move, it needs to be out of the state of North Carolina. I’m feeling like it’s time to make a change but I haven’t determined to where. I thought about the big city of Atlanta. Phoenix is still on my radar as well. Then for two nights in a row I dreamed of Kiawah Island with its haunting whispers calling me to come home. I’m looking forward to wherever the wind may blow me. Of course, then I have to question what that will do to my nearly perfect relationship.

And I’m writing. There’s a book deal on the horizon which will allow me to spread my creative wings and fly outside the constrictions of writing romance. When the ink is dry on the paperwork I’ll be able to tell you more. As well, I am one step closer to self-publishing a literary piece that is near and dear to my heart. I had never seriously considered self-publishing anything, afraid of all that would entail. But fear has been the motivating factor to move me in that direction; me being afraid that if I don’t put myself out there that I will never know what I might accomplish.

So, with the comprehensive editing behind me I am on to layout and design, seeking a printer and having angst over distribution. I'm not quite sure what I've gotten myself into but since I'm already knee deep into it, it has truly become a sink or swim adventure.

The balance of the year should be quite interesting. There’s my 30th high school reunion on the horizon, a wedding, or two, or three, much relationship drama, I’m sure, and who knows what else might be thrown in my direction. So hang on tight. I think this ride is about to get bumpy.

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